Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXVIX

I have some friends, a group of brothers, who grew up poor, but every one of them have have become very successful in the business world. How is it that all of them made it big? A coincidence? Possible, but not likely. Was something instilled into them at an early age that gave them the drive to make something of themselves? More than likely. I was well acquainted with their mother when she was still living, and though I don't know exactly what she did that produced such a crop of sons, as far as I'm concerned, she gets the credit. In other words, in my mind, her sons define her legacy. If you can forget for now what you thought about the policies of President Bill Clinton, when you think of his presidency, what is the first thing you think of? For most of you, it will be Monica Lewinski. Regardless of what he may have accomplished while in office, his legacy as President has to do with an extramarital affair, a fact that most likely brings him deep regret. Every one of us will leave a legacy, whether it be good or bad, and we're the ones who determine what it will be. I've often wondered what will be said at my funeral. Will the preacher struggle to find good words to say about my life? Will there even be a preacher who knows me well enough to know anything about me? Will he have to tiptoe around certain topics that he knows well are on the minds of the people in attendance? Will I have a list of accomplishments he can discuss? Will my relationship with God make it easier for him to deliver my eulogy? What will define my legacy? Will it be a lifetime of accomplishment or a moment of weakness? What will my friends and neighbors say about me when I'm gone? Those are questions I have to be working on now, whether I'm twenty-six or sixty-two. Will my legacy be defined by a moment or a lifetime? It's something I need to be thinking about, and if I see where some changes need to be made, I have to start working on them today. Once my epilogue is written, my legacy will be set in stone....whether I like it or not. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, VolumeCDXVIII

Are you reading this message on your phone?  If the answer is yes, is there someone there with you?  Okay, let me just get straight to the point:  While I sincerely want you to read what I have to say, I would prefer you don't do it at the expense of personal, face to face conversation. The advantage of written words is they can be read at a person's leisure.  The primary reason I text my friends and family is I don't know when they're busy, so I can send them a text and they can read it and respond when they are free. You see, I'm of the opinion if you're having a face to face conversation with someone else, it should take precedent over something that is written and can be taken care of later. I don't know how many times I've been working with clients and they will pull out their phone and start typing while I'm talking. Lately I've decided to stop and just wait until they're done before I resume talking. A few weeks ago I did that and she said, "Go ahead.  I'm listening."  So I resumed speaking, and then asked her a direct question. Her failure to respond let me know she was NOT listening. If it's something really important, I would understand. If she would need to get some feedback from someone else before making a decision, all she would have to do is let me know and I would understand that as well. Have you ever been talking to someone and while you're telling your story they started talking to someone else?  That's really rude and disrespectful and it doesn't make you feel very good when it happens, but if they pick up their phone and start typing, it's the same thing, producing the same uncomfortable feelings. I'm not saying I've never done this myself at times, but each time I see it happening, it makes me more aware of just how much it shows a lack of respect for the speaker and how it makes him feel....even if the speaker is their own child. Last week I talked about the importance we place on having personal contact with friends and family over coffee or a meal, and I must tell you, no one enjoys that more than I do.  Sometimes I need that face to face time where I can look the other person in the eye while we're talking, and I like for him to look me in the eye when I'm speaking to him.  However, if he picks up his phone and starts a non-verbal conversation while I'm talking to him, it makes me realize that he views my words as less important than than what the "texter" is telling him, and that's okay, but I'll keep it in mind next time. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXVII

Our bodies like it when we socialize with other humans. Think about it. We rarely socialize without giving our bodies something they crave. For me, it's usually coffee or a meal. For others it may be alcoholic beverages or a smoke. And for many of us, it also works in reverse. My job requires that I spend a lot of time on the road and in hotels, and as a result, I have become accustomed to eating or having coffee alone, but it hasn't always been that way. I can still remember going to a restaurant alone for the first time. Before I started college,I decided to get a part-time job, and I had to start work a few weeks before the beginning of school. I had relatives who lived in the same city as the college, and I stayed with them until school started when I could move into the dorm. One day they were all out of town, and I found myself having to go to dinner alone, and it occurred to me that I had never done that before. I recall having a such a knot in my throat it was difficult to eat, simply because I was eating alone in a restaurant. It's true that Starbucks has good coffee, and I'm sure that's the primary reason they have so many locations, but I also believe their tremendous growth has to do with the fact that they offer patrons a place to socialize while consuming their product. There's just something about eating and drinking that makes us want company while we're doing it; and there's something about visiting friends and relatives that makes us want to eat and drink. When our kids were still at home, we made sure we had a designated family meal time, where we could all sit at the table together and discuss the day's events over dinner, and Angie and I still do that, even though it is now just the two of us. Even at Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc., all our family activities revolve around a meal. As I travel around my territory, primarily Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, and Texas, I usually have breakfast in the same places each time I visit an area, and almost every place I go will have a group of guys who are in there for coffee every single day. I dare say that if it wasn't for the coffee, they wouldn't be there, but they wouldn't be out drinking coffee if it wasn't for the guys. For every big celebration, there's a big meal, and that activity can be traced well back into our history. When the Prodigal Son returned home, the fatted calf was killed for the big celebration. When Angie and I got married more than forty-one years ago, on the night before the wedding, we had a big rehearsal dinner....because that's the way it had been done down through the generations. They still do that today. Why do we have to eat or drink when we socialize? I'm sure there are as many opinions on that topic as there are readers of this blog. Maybe we can get together and discuss it sometime. Over coffee, maybe? Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXVI

When my daughter was a little girl, we subscribed to "Highlights Magazine" for her. It is a magazine for children, but she was a child, and she loved it! I remember one day she said to me, "I'm gonna keep getting "Highlights" even when I'm grown." I just smiled and didn't say anything, but I knew better, because she was thinking like a child. There was no way for her to think otherwise. Today she is an adult, and she thinks like an adult, but let's give it a little more thought. As an individual who has been around for more than six decades, I know how people think when they're in their 20s and 30s, because I've been there. What I don't know is how people think when they're in their 80s, because I've never been there. Are we really justified in being critical of someone who is older than we are, since we've never experienced life at their age? I wonder how many statements I've made to someone who is my elder, and he would just smile to himself because he understood my way of thinking would change over time. I sometimes do that now when I hear conversations of those who may be a decade or so younger than I am. My outlook on life has matured over time the same way my body has matured. Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about: I remember, as a young man, making the statement I was going to continue to follow all the latest hits on the radio as I aged so even as a senior citizen I would still enjoy listening to the same music as the young adults. Well, I can assure you that statement was coming from a mind that was much less mature than it is now, and my declaration didn't come to pass. None of us know when we will die, but as a sixty-two year old, I've had to come to grips with the fact that the time I have left on this earth is much less than the time I've been here, even though it doesn't seem like I've really been around very long. No doubt as I get even older, the imminence of death will become more of a reality in my mind. Unless a younger person is facing a terminal illness, those thoughts never enter their minds. Until we know how it feels to face the fact that death is just around the corner, maybe we should refrain from judging too harshly those who do know how it feels. It certainly has to affect anyone's way of thinking. If you're younger than I am, I may politely listen to you as you explain to me how I'm doing things all wrong, while in reality I'm letting your words roll off me like water off a duck's back. I will not be critical of you, however, because I've been there, and I've said the same things you're saying. Just a few weeks ago, we said goodbye to my father-in-law, a man I loved like my own dad and who was a vital part of my life for more than forty years, and we were there with him during his last few days and weeks of life. He was well aware of the fact his time on earth was over, and I couldn't help but wonder what was going on in his mind. I did see his way of thinking evolve over the decades. Although I hope to be around for several more years, I do understand, chances are, before too long, I'll have a pretty good idea of what he was thinking, because regardless of how much time I have left, my remaining time will seem like just a few days. I understand that now. As a young man, I never gave it a thought. Preston