Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXCIX

In essence what the man told me is that I was a liar. My kids were small at the time and I had told them Santa would be coming in one more week. I was in my thirties and was well aware of the truth about Santa, yet I was offended by that man's harshness and combative tone. Yes, I know he was making sure I understood his point of view about Santa and Christmas in general, but to be honest, I think in his eagerness to set me straight, he may have been violating a couple of the basic themes of the Christmas message: Peace on Earth and good will toward men. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume his intentions were pure, but the entire exchange started me to thinking about the real Christmas story. If I want to spread the message of Christmas, how do I go about doing it? How can I, as an individual, go about achieving the goal of "peace on Earth and good will toward men?" That's quite a task for one ordinary guy with just average intelligence, but I do have a plan. First of all, I must accept the fact that there's not much I can do about what world leaders and people in foreign countries choose to do, and any effort I might make to influence their actions will be futile. However, there is something I CAN do, but I admit I will need your help in this endeavor, because, trust me, it won't be easy. Hardly a day goes by that I don't have contact with a significant number of people. Each day, I should draw an imaginary circle around myself and everyone with whom I interact. Then, all I have to do is make sure I promote peace and good will toward those within my circle, and all you have to do is the exact same thing I'm doing. Once you and I start working on this project, we may be surprised at how much of a difference we'll see, especially in our own little .worlds, and the more of us who get involved, the bigger our circle of influence will become. Naturally, our first question has to be, "How do we go about spreading peace and good will in our circle?" This is where it gets tough. Our initial effort should be to find instructions in the Bible, such as "pray for those who spitefully use you" and "turn the other cheek." How easy is it to send best wishes to those who are spitefully using us? How hard is it, when we get slapped on the side of our face, to turn our face and say, "Hey, you missed a spot?" When someone tries to draw us into conflict, we respond with kindness. When others are spreading ugly rumors about us, we must remember one of our basic privileges, the right to remain silent, because anything we say can and will be used against us. Yep, remaining silent takes a real man or woman. On a more positive note, we can spread good cheer to those within our circle. We could try to become more generous, especially with genuine compliments, along with words of gratitude and encouragement. I've heard it said when we smile at another individual, it's like we're looking in a mirror, because that person will smile back at us. I've learned when I'm kind to someone else, they are more likely to be kind to me. When I smile at others, they will likely smile at me. When I'm truthful to my fellow man, he will likely be more truthful to me. When I help him, he will help me. It's just that someone has to act first, and that's where you and I come in. It's up to us to get it started. We can do it. No, I don't believe in Santa, but my grandchildren do, and I don't have a problem with it. I believe, however, that the best way to spread the real Christmas message of "peace on earth and good will toward men" is to actually live it, not just today, but every day of the year. Promoting peace and goodwill is not an event, it's a lifestyle. May you and those you love have a very Merry Christmas! Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXCVIII

Modern technology may be causing a problem that couldn't have been foreseen. Imagine this scenario: The husband and wife are sitting in the living room with a ball game on television and she is playing with her phone, with not much happening in the way of conversation. Suddenly the wife's voice breaks the silence, "WHAT?!?!?! What's up with her?! Let me read you this text I just got!!" After she reads it, she stares at her phone in shock, then asks, "What did I say that brought this on?" Five seconds later, she is typing away at the screen on her phone. What follows is heated conversation and hurt feelings, all carried out via text, when the wife was reading the message in a tone that was the exact opposite from the way it was intended. It happens every day with emails and text messages, and I admit I, too, have fallen prey to these avoidable misunderstandings that occur when communication between two or more people is all written. I even worry about it as I write my weekly blogs. It's difficult to transmit tone of voice when voice is not used. Most of us write the way we talk, except for the fact that the reader may not be able to determine which words to accent, which can cause the meaning to be completely different from the intended message. As an example of what I'm saying, try reading the following sentence over and over, placing the accent on the first word, then the next time placing the accent on the second word, etc. until you have read it with the accent placed on each word in the sentence. "I didn't say I saw Kevin kiss Jenna yesterday." That sentence can have as many meanings as there are words in the statement, depending on which word we place the accent. I've read Facebook posts that are written in all caps, and the only message I can glean from them is this person is yelling at me. Another way written messages can be misread is when a response is given in short answers. The person texting may send a message that says, "Can I persuade you to do me a big favor?" The response is, "Okay." We can't hear the responder's tone of voice, so his answer may be interpreted as, "He doesn't seem too enthused to help me," when he might actually be delighted to help. I've been involved in text conversations when it appeared that each time one of us would respond to the other, we seemed to be digging ourselves deeper and deeper into a hole. When we finally decided to talk about it with a voice conversation, the issue was resolved within a minute or two, all because tone of voice was evident, without us having to guess at it. When voice conversation is NOT used, I like to use a tactic I learned from voice instructors in choir training: "Over pronounce your words." It may sound odd to us at first, but it doesn't to the listener. That same concept will work with texts and emails: If you're trying to convey a friendly tone, over emphasize your friendliness. It's better that way than having your tone misinterpreted. I can identify with that sixties song by The Animals: "I'm just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood." Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXCVIII

Modern technology may be causing a problem that couldn't have been foreseen. Imagine this scenario: The husband and wife are sitting in the living room with a ball game on television and she is playing with her phone, with not much happening in the way of conversation. Suddenly the wife's voice breaks the silence, "WHAT?!?!?! What's up with her?! Let me read you this text I just got!!" After she reads it, she stares at her phone in shock, then asks, "What did I say that brought this on?" Five seconds later, she is typing away at the screen on her phone. What follows is heated conversation and hurt feelings, all carried out via text, when the wife was reading the message in a tone that was the exact opposite from the way it was intended. It happens every day with emails and text messages, and I admit I, too, have fallen prey to these avoidable misunderstandings that occur when communication between two or more people is all written. I even worry about it as I write my weekly blogs. It's difficult to transmit tone of voice when voice is not used. Most of us write the way we talk, except for the fact that the reader may not be able to determine which words to accent, which can cause the meaning to be completely different from the intended message. As an example of what I'm saying, try reading the following sentence over and over, placing the accent on the first word, then the next time placing the accent on the second word, etc. until you have read it with the accent placed on each word in the sentence. "I didn't say I saw Kevin kiss Jenna yesterday." That sentence can have as many meanings as there are words in the statement, depending on which word we place the accent. I've read Facebook posts that are written in all caps, and the only message I can glean from them is this person is yelling at me. Another way written messages can be misread is when a response is given in short answers. The person texting may send a message that says, "Can I persuade you to do me a big favor?" The response is, "Okay." We can't hear the responder's tone of voice, so his answer may be interpreted as, "He doesn't seem too enthused to help me," when he might actually be delighted to help. I've been involved in text conversations when it appeared that each time one of us would respond to the other, we seemed to be digging ourselves deeper and deeper into a hole. When we finally decided to talk about it with a voice conversation, the issue was resolved within a minute or two, all because tone of voice was evident, without us having to guess at it. When voice conversation is NOT used, I like to use a tactic I learned from voice instructors in choir training: "Over pronounce your words." It may sound odd to us at first, but it doesn't to the listener. That same concept will work with texts and emails: If you're trying to convey a friendly tone, over emphasize your friendliness. It's better that way than having your tone misinterpreted. I can identify with that sixties song by The Animals: "I'm just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood." Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXCVII

From time to time I am asked to be a guest speaker (teacher) for a class at church. When that happens, I usually like to throw in a little humor just to keep the class interesting and to prevent too many minds from wondering. Such was the case when I was asked to be a guest speaker for a Wednesday night class on March 24, 2010. I put in a lot of work for that one, and judging from the number of compliments I received, I must have done an okay job. It was one of those nights when I felt like I really connected with the class. They genuinely laughed at all my jokes, and on the serious parts, it was obvious I had everyone's attention. Considering the circumstances, I would call it a miracle. I'll never forget when prayer requests were taken at the beginning of the class, I requested prayer for "something that was weighing heavy on my mind." I had walked into the room that evening feeling a mixture of joy and heartache. The joy came from the birth of my granddaughter that morning, while the heartache came from the news that she had all the signs of a child with Down Syndrome. (We have since discovered that Down Syndrome is not really all that bad, but at the time, that news was devastating.) One of my favorite towns that I visit as a part of my job is Magnolia, Arkansas, and that's because of the people I work with when I'm there. The owner of the business is a young lady named Rebecca, and she is always one of the most pleasant customers I have, which makes me want to make sure I make her experience as pleasant as possible as well. I remember going there one day during a time when I was facing some personal issues that had me feeling distraught, and I tried so hard to put on a happy face so no one would there, especially Rebecca, would have any idea how I was feeling inside. I think I pulled it off pretty well, and I'm hoping when she reads this article it will be the first time she has any idea that my stomach was in knots during my visit. I know she would've understood if I had let her know what was going on, but sometimes we just don't need to mix business with personal problems. It makes me wonder if there have ever been times when I was there that it was her who was masking inner pain. Sometimes we just can't let our feelings show. Think about it. I come from a family of preachers, and I know just from what they've told me that there have been times when they have stood before their congregations to preach a message of encouragement, while their minds were in utter turmoil. None of us are immune to heartbreak and inner pain, but most of us have times when we just can't let it show or even affect our actions. How many times has the surgeon scrubbed up and gone into surgery while his heart felt like it was torn in two? Or what about the anesthetist who is dispensing the drug to put the patient under during surgery while she fights to hold back tears, or the mental turmoil of the pharmacist who is measuring the proper amount of medicine to a customer whose life is on the line? I've heard stories about how Lou Costello, the famous member of the comedy team Abbot and Costello from the 1940s, was dealing with tragic family issues while he was traveling the country telling jokes that still have people laughing. And of course, there are guys like me who have to make the sale no matter how I'm feeling, and the waitress who is smiling at all her customers while her home life is a wreck. The bottom line is, we just don't always know when someone we're dealing with is trying hard to hold their emotions in check until they get home from work. I admit there are times when maybe I've been a little harsh as I demanded better service from someone who may have been going through something much worse than I've ever had to face. I wonder if maybe I've expected too much from someone whose life is in shambles, or maybe even held back a tip from someone who is already distraught over her financial situation. Maybe I should just give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Actually, it might be a good idea for me to do unto others as I would have them do unto me. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCXCVI

It has always been my pleasure to welcome new people into my life, whether it be a new friend, a new baby, or even a new family member by means of a wedding. It's a time of hope for a new relationship that will last through the ages. The good news is, some of them do. However, some don't. As a young man, I often thought of older people and how they had to deal with loss more and more frequently as they aged. I recall thinking to myself, "I guess they reach the point to where they get used to it, and it just doesn't bother them that much any more." Now, as a man in my sixties, I'm beginning to wonder when will that happen. When will I get used to it? I have now had to deal with the loss of both my parents and my younger brother, as well as both of Angie's parents, and let me tell you, I felt real pain each time. In addition to those family members, I'm beginning to lose count of my cousins and close friends I've lost along the way. Death is just a fact of life, and as much as it hurts, we know it's gonna happen, which at least helps us understand it. Death can be easily explained. Losing someone through other means is more difficult to explain and as a result, can be equally as painful. I was a store manager for several years, and the most challenging part of that job was "managing"....dealing with people. Hiring a new employee was always a pleasure, but, at least for me, firing someone was something that tore at my insides and gave me sleepless nights. At times I found myself envying one of my colleagues who told me if someone needed to be fired, he actually "took pleasure" in doing so. But now, as I look back, I like my way better. Any time anyone who is a part of my life leaves my life, I feel pain. It's a period of grief. But really, that's how I want it to be. Every time I ever had to fire an employee, even those who were being dishonest, I found myself hurting for them. I've attended many funerals in my life, and I have reached the conclusion that I don't get used them. Each one of them hurts. I've had friends walk away from me, and it has hurt every single time. Even the times when I, myself, have concluded that it was time to put distance between me and a friend by just pulling back a little, I have felt pain, even though I had no doubt my actions were completely justified. God had a reason for giving us the ability to feel pain. Pain's purpose is to make bad things uncomfortable. If I accidentally put my hand in the fire, it's pain that makes me pull it back out, and to make sure I remember not to put it back in there again. I need to feel pain when I lose important people in my life just so I don't allow it to become too commonplace. That's the reason if I notice that too many people are walking away from me, I need to conduct a thorough self examination to determine what's causing the exodus and what I can do to fix it. Let me make it clear; if you're a part of my life, it is my sincere desire that neither you nor I ever feel that it's time to leave. My prayer today is, "Dear Lord, as much as I dislike hurting, please don't ever take away my ability to feel pain when I lose someone who matters to me, even when it's me who has to walk away. Amen." Preston