Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXIV

The philosophy that says "I don't care what others think about me" is completely foreign to me, so lest there be any doubt, your opinion of me is something I DO CARE about. That's the reason I was so taken aback just a few days ago when I got a little dose of reality. It dawned on me that I've been giving forth vibes that cause others to have a false impression of what I really believe. If my actions cause others to form an opinion of me that's different from who I actually am, something needs to change. You and I each have our own set of personal standards we use to guide us in conducting our personal lives. In many ways, your standards will be similar to mine, but in just as many ways, they will be different. That does not mean one set is superior to the other, although, as humans, we may have a tendency to be critical of those who don't live by our set of standards. Living lives that are morally and ethically pure should top all our lists of standards, but otherwise, what's right for you may not be the same as what's right for me. Trouble starts when I try to impose my standards on you. I hope I'm not doing that, but somehow, I have apparently been giving the impression that I do. If my actions make you believe I'm uncomfortable in your presence as you live by your set of standards, I need to step back and re-examine how I act when I'm around you, because if I make you believe I'm uncomfortable in your presence, you WILL BE uncomfortable in my presence, and that's not how I want to live. This does not mean I have to change my standards when I'm with you, nor should you alter yours when you're with me. We should be able to co-exist without being forced to live identical lives. I have always believed we should all live a disciplined lifestyle, which means that none of us should have a haphazard way of conducting ourselves. Keeping myself in check, however, is a full time job, which means you're on your own when it comes to living your life. I'm a flawed individual, and so are you. The trouble is, the mistakes I make are not the same as yours, so if I overlook my own faults as I focus on yours, I'm doing both of us a disservice, and if I even give the impression that I have a "holier than thou" or a self righteous attitude, I'm not being the kind of Christian I want to be. Maybe that's where I've been. If so, shame on me. If you just knew how I really feel, I believe your opinion of me would change...for the better. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXIII

First I'll tell you what happened, then I'd like to list some of my own observations about the entire episode. A couple weeks ago I was out of town on business. I had a room on the first floor of the hotel, and I had gone to bed about 9:30, my usual time. As a frequent traveler, I typically get some of my best sleep in hotels, and this night was no exception....at least for the first twenty minutes or so. When events started to unfold, I was in a deep sleep, dreaming about trying to help my Uncle Tab (whoever he is) install a helicopter propeller on his laptop computer. At the same time that dream was occurring, however, some very real events were happening right outside my hotel window, less than fifteen feet from where I was in my state of slumber, completely oblivious to the world outside. Two young working men from Joplin, Missouri had just parked their truck in the back parking lot at the hotel, so they were eye witnesses, and later relayed to me everything that transpired before I, too, became a witness. A young male guest at the hotel was having a difference of opinion with a young female, and they ended up carrying their dispute into the back parking lot. She got in her car to leave, and he jumped into his small pickup truck and blocked her way, preventing her from leaving. She wasn't giving up, but each time she would move her car, he quickly maneuvered his truck around to block her. At one point she thought she saw an opening, and she gunned it, just as he pulled in behind her, resulting in her crashing into the side of his vehicle. This was her chance, or so she thought. Just as she started moving again, he put the pedal to the metal and slammed into the side of her car. (Just a few feet away, Uncle Tab and I were still frantically working on that propeller. I'm a sound sleeper.) At some point during all this madness, she had called her dad and told him she was in trouble and feared for her life. Dad must've lived pretty close, because in a very short period of time, he drove up and jumped out of his truck, pointing a pistol directly at the head of his daughter's tormentor. That's when the young man decided it was time to depart the premises. He threw his truck in reverse and stomped the gas. BAM!!! That's when I woke up, with emphasis on the word "UP." I levitated!! It felt like I rose at least three feet out of my bed. In his haste to escape, the young villain had backed into the side of the hotel, striking the building literally less than ten feet from....ME!!! It put a crack in the side of that three story building from the ground all the way to the roof. Three seconds later he had vanished around the corner of the building, hopefully out of my life forever. MY OBSERVATIONS 1) If I had been that dad, I think I would've done the same thing he did. I'm a mild-mannered man until my kids are in trouble. 2) Also, if I was that dad, when I got my daughter home, she would've had a lot of "splainin'" to do! 3) One more point about if I was that dad: Regardless of what my daughter had been doing, or how many times something like that had happened, all she would have to do is call, and I would come running, and I would deal with her after I knew she was safe. 4) I'm thankful for the sheltered life I've lived, and for the fact that that style of living is so foreign to me. 5) I need to make sure I thank God every day for the fact that my kids have turned out to be the kind of adults they are. 6) Even with all the excitement, I was sound asleep again in less than two hours. Sleepless nights are rare occurrences for me. 7) If I'm gonna be the kind of Christian I say I want to be, I need to pray for both that young woman and the young man, as well as their families. God loves them. So should I. 8) That hotel is the type of place where women business travelers stay alone and feel safe....it's not a sleaze-bag joint. Events like that can happen anywhere at any time. 9) I will go back to that hotel again. I've stayed there many times without incident, as I'm sure I will again. 10) When staying in a hotel, a person should always wear some type of sleeping attire. What if I wouldn't have been, and that little truck had crashed through my window, into my room. Not a pretty sight. 11) We never did get that propeller installed on that computer. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXII

Who of all of your family, friends, and personal acquaintances do you most admire? I'm not asking for names, or even that you personally respond to this message, but if you had to name the top five individuals whom you most admire from the above list, who would they be? Naturally the next questions as you think of each one are, "Why is that person on the list? What qualities does each one possess that would cause him/her to deserve that honor?" Maybe it's simply because I'm somewhat of a dreamer, but I can't help but wonder how it would feel to actually have MY name on someone's list. If that's the case, maybe I should look at the characteristics that placed each one on my list and see how I stack up. I'm thinking of one person right now. I won't call his name, but let me give you a brief description of some of his qualities and what he does and does not do that earns him the honor to be one of my top five. First of all, I believe him to be one of the most intelligent men I know, and I've learned so much from just being around him, although he is a man of few words. He teaches with his actions, and I'm learning from observation. He understands that knowledge is acquired, not by much speaking, but from much listening. He is not easily rattled. When trying times come, he remains calm and thoroughly thinks the situation through before acting. He is an open minded person, yet he is not easily swayed by enticing words of others. I've never heard him speak up and offer his opinion on topics he knows little about, but I HAVE witnessed him remaining silent as someone else spouts off uninformed opinions on topics in which he is well versed. He's slightly older than I am, and he has acquired a significant amount of wealth during his lifetime, but I've never heard him brag. I've never seen him lose his temper or his sense of humor. He has made his share of mistakes down through the years, but he'll be the first to admit when he's wrong, and he rarely makes the same mistake twice. He reads! Some of the best books I've read have come from his recommendations. He is completely devoted to his wife, his kids, and his grandchildren. He understands the verse from Ecclesiastes that says "....a fool's voice is known by its multitude of words." Wow! Can you see why this man made my list? Of course, if you watch anyone long enough (me included), you will also see some examples NOT to follow, but hopefully all of us who are constantly trying to improve our lives are aware of the fact that perfect people don't exist. However, if we will open our eyes and close our mouths long enough, we'll discover people within our circle of influence who serve as tremendous role models as we try to raise our standards. Who do you most admire? Whoever that person is for each of us, we can all be more like him/her. But first, we have to want to. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXI

Although most of us students knew who he was, few of us actually knew his name. He was simply known as "The Blind Guy." He walked unassisted to all his classes, and we would marvel at just how well he maneuvered around that large campus using only his cane to guide him. He would continuously tap the sidewalk in front of him, then tap the dirt beside the sidewalk. He somehow had the campus pictured in his mind, though he had no idea how it actually looked. That leads me to make a seemingly ridiculous statement, but as you read what I have to say, you'll begin to understand what I mean. The statement is this: There are some things blind people can't see. One day a plumbing crew had dug a pit that went half way across and a couple feet left of the sidewalk. It was about four feet in diameter and three feet deep. They didn't block the walkway, because the right half was still usable, and the pit was clearly visible to anyone who came upon it....at least to those of us who could see. I was walking that way, and The Blind Guy was a good fifty feet ahead of me. For some reason he didn't detect the hole with his cane, and he fell in. The fall caused him to drop the cane, but he immediately felt around until he located it; then he got himself out of the hole. However, although he was back on his feet again and on level ground, the fall caused him to become disoriented, and he was completely lost with no idea which direction to go. Thankfully, another student was right behind him when it happened, and she took his hand and led him to his class. The hole he fell into was what is known as a "pitfall." Blind people can't see pitfalls. Have you ever known anyone who may have had perfect eyesight, yet they were so blinded by lust, greed, anger, or hatred they could not see the pitfalls in their paths? Maybe you could even admit you have at times been in that situation yourself. It's usually easy for us who are looking on from the outside to foresee what lies ahead for those individuals, yet in most cases if we try to warn them, they become resentful and tell us they know exactly what they're doing. I know of one situation where a young lady has turned her back on her husband and even her own kids to pursue whom she believes is the man of her dreams. There's more to this story, so let me just say it's a situation that can't have a happy ending, yet the only thing her friends can do now is look on helplessly as she blindly rushes toward the pitfall and the crash that's sure to follow. When she hits bottom, it will not be pretty, but she is so blinded by lust she can't see what's about to happen. Her friends and family who have tried to warn her where she is heading can't help but feel anger at her at this point. The trouble is, although she has good eyesight, in some ways she is blind, and there are some things blind people can't see. So what will happen when she crashes? Should her friends scold her and say "I told you so?" No. She already knows what she was told. Do they say, "You made your bed, now you can lie in it?" Not if they want to help her. I believe someone needs to tactfully, gently let her know when the day comes that she hits bottom and her whole world comes crashing in around her, they will be there for her to take her hand and lovingly guide her back to the right path again. Do you remember the student I told you about who took The Blind Guy's hand and led him to the point where he could make it on his own again? Hopefully there will be someone like her, waiting, not to condemn, but to help. I'm in the process of reading a great book called "Love Does" by Bob Goff, and it's reminding me there are some things love does, and some things love doesn't do. Love does NOT judge nor condemn, but love DOES treat the way it would want to be treated in a similar situation Love understands there are some things blind people can't see. Love loves. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXX

I've tried to care, but I can't. My wife cares. It comes to her naturally. I want to be a person with taste, or culture, but some things just don't interest me.....like the color of the sheets on our bed, or the patterns on our dishes. At one point, I made up my mind I would develop an interest in such things, but I discovered I have no idea what looks good or what doesn't. Maybe it's a man thing, because I've never met a woman who doesn't have an opinion on those matters, but I don't know many men who have an interest in them. The only area where practically all men demand beauty is in our women. While women want men they think are good looking, they aren't as picky in that respect as us men. In fact, I wonder if maybe we might be too picky. The pressure to be beautiful is tremendous on our women, and especially on teenage girls. Sometimes it's difficult for the male gender to understand how girls feel, because we don't face the same kinds of pressures as our female counterparts. The basic operation of the male brain is much more simple than it is for females, and as a result, we may not be aware of how much of a negative impact on a girl's level of self confidence some careless, snide remark can have. Like most men, I will take notice of a woman who looks really pretty, and though an hour later I will remember how nice she looked, I will not remember what she was wearing; but any other woman who saw her will recall every little detail of her attire, including her accessories. That means when a girl is getting dressed, not only does she have to do so in a way to get the guys to notice her, but she also must consider how she will be appraised by other girls, and often other girls are her worst critics....even to the point at times of being downright mean. There is a reason I'm discussing this matter today. Bringing up girls in today's society is a difficult task, and it's getting harder every year. Though this situation is by no means exclusive to our young women, it is they who are affected most. Ladies and gentlemen, the number of adolescent girls who are mutilating their bodies or attempting suicide is running rampant. I know the cause of this problem runs much deeper than just the reasons I've mentioned today, but I do feel that somehow we have to make an effort to let our girls know how beautiful they are, both inside and out. I'm not sure exactly what the answer is, but maybe we should try to come up with a new definition of the word "beautiful." A few weeks ago I talked about how there are some things of which we need to be constantly reminded, and for girls, how beautiful they are is one of those things. So many of our girls go through life feeling ugly, or feeling fat, and those feelings lead to the lie that they have no self worth. Although this situation is not a new thing, it seems to me it's much worse today than it was when I was in my teens, and I'm of the opinion that social media is at least partly to blame. I believe our girls are under so much pressure to be beautiful it makes them vulnerable; a guy will show her a little attention, and the next thing you know, she's pregnant. Then the guy who made her feel wanted a couple months ago is now nowhere to be found, which leaves her feeling even more devastated and worthless than before. This is an area that parents and churches definitely need to address, but society as a whole also needs to get involved. I have friends who are involved in ministries that were created to help salvage our young women who are cutting themselves, attempting suicide, or being held as sex slaves, and as I talk to them, I learn that these problems are much more widespread than I ever dreamed...even in our local communities. Somehow we have to come up with a way of saving our young girls before it's too late. It's something we can all care about. Preston