Thinking Out Loud, Volume DIV

He was sick, but no one could figure out what was wrong, so the old man just learned to deal with it, as the problem was getting worse. He was living near Natchitoches, Louisiana in the late 1800s, and he would occasionally black out for several minutes at a time. As days turned into months and months into years, his spells would occur more and more frequently, lasting progressively longer each time, until that final time which proved to be his undoing. He had no family, and it was the general rule of that era that the poor were buried without being embalmed, so his neighbors built him a pine box and planted him on his own property with a wooden marker with his name painted on it. As the decades came and went, the marker eventually decayed, leaving no sign of the grave. Years later, around 1940, some workers were digging in that area, and their shovels struck his coffin. They exhumed the box and opened it, where the saw his skeletal remains lying FACE DOWN, and there was evidence he had been trying to get out! He had been buried alive!! We could obviously find ample reason to be highly critical of his neighbors for being a little hasty in their efforts to get the job of burying him behind them, but I can't criticize since I'm guilty of the same thing. What about you? I'm not suggesting that you nor I have literally placed someone in a box and put them in the ground before they were dead, but we HAVE been guilty of writing someone off and putting them out of our lives when there was still hope for salvaging the relationship. We've burned bridges that should've been left intact. In fits of rage, we've spewed hurtful words toward others, which permanently severed our relationship with that person. And of course, we've also burned bridges when the hurtful words were directed toward us, and we just didn't give the other party time to "cool down" before writing them off. How many times have we given up on friends when they've made foolish decisions that sent their lives into a downward spiral? After all, it's them with the problem, not us. What are we most likely to do.....permanently write them off or pray for their restoration? Technically, when we've stayed the same while they've made the decisions to move toward a life that will eventually lead to a crash, it was them who walked away, but it's up to us to leave the door open for when that crash finally occurs. I'm thinking of a young friend right now who has made some decisions that can't have a happy ending. It frustrates me, but the day is coming when her world is gonna crash in around her, and she will need friends like me. Even though it doesn't look good now, there's still a flicker of hope that she will be back. If I'm too eager to write her off, she may lose her only hope. I understand that people die and must be buried. I realize that some broken relationships are beyond repair. The old man in this story was beyond the point of ever having his life the way it used to be, and as a result, any relationship with him would never be normal again, but he didn't need to be buried alive. I've had people destroy my trust in them, but that doesn't mean I can't maintain a more guarded relationship with that person. As long as there's life, there's hope. Let's just make sure we're not in too much of a hurry to start digging a grave. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, VolumeDIII

Several times a day, five days a week, my daughter puts patients to sleep for surgery; then when the operation is completed, she wakes them up. It's a job she's had for a few years now, and as a result, she has become quite skilled in her chosen profession. However, I'll never forget the morning when she was in Anesthesia School, she called me and the conversation went like this: Me: Hello. Valerie: I need you to pray for me today, Dad. I'll be putting someone to sleep for the first time. Me: Are you gonna tell them it's your first time? Valerie: No. (laughing) They'll never know. That's when I offered her some words of real encouragement: Well, I hope you can wake them up when it's over. My pastor tells the story of his first sermon. His wife and mother in law were in the audience, and his mother in law whispered to her daughter as he was speaking, "Honey, you might want to go back to school and get your degree." She did just that, but I have to say I can't think of any preacher I'd rather hear today than him. My mind often goes back to 2010 when my five week old granddaughter had open heart surgery, a procedure that lasted seven hours. The skilled surgeon took her tiny heart out of her chest and and went inside it, making the life saving repairs to some almost microscopic canals within her heart. We stood in awe as he explained the procedure to us afterward, yet to him, it was practically routine. The thought then occurred to me that although he had performed that procedure many times, there was one day when he did it for the first time to someone's child. One more: While working in Northern Mississippi one evening, I walked into a Chinese restaurant, and I just happened to be their first customer of the day. My waitress was on her first day on the job. Her family had come in just behind me, wanting to be her first customers. Too late! I got there first. I ordered egg foo young, and as is customary with that dish, they bring an empty plate just before they bring the food. I was in a joking mood that evening, so I picked up the plate, turned over sideways, held it up and shook it while looking down at the table. I then told her, "There's no food in this plate!" I could tell she was a little flustered, while her family was laughing hysterically. I was back in that town a few months later, and that same girl was my waitress again. By then, she was an old pro, and was completely at ease with her job. Unless your employment requires crying and pooping, you weren't born knowing how to perform the duties of your job. None of us want to be our barber's first haircut, our mechanic's first repair job, our counselor's first case, and we sure don't want to be the surgeon's first operation, or the pilot's first passenger, but someone has to be. I can actually recall a few times when I was a kid, and I would hear a young minister deliver his first sermon, but I usually liked it because their sermons would only last about 12 minutes. I still recall the first time I sang before a crowd, and I must say, thank God for patient, understanding people, because I was terrified and it showed. I should explain that I let the waitress in Mississippi know I was just teasing her, and I tipped her well. I guess it all goes back to the Golden Rule...."Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I've needed kindness, tolerance and encouragement for all my firsts. Hopefully, I can offer the same courtesy. You and I both will one day have to face death for the first time, and as for me, I'll be a little nervous. Hopefully I'll receive that same kindness, tolerance, and understanding that day as well. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume DII

I remember reading a novel a few years ago about a guy who devised a plan to destroy the world, saving only himself and a woman of his choice, giving him the chance to start over on humanity. Naturally, as can be expected in a novel, something went wrong, and the woman he wanted to spare lost her life as well, leaving him in the unfortunate position of being the only human being still alive on the entire planet. That story is obviously just a figment of a man's imagination, but can you even imagine what it would be like to be the only person on earth? Barbara Streisand recorded a song that said "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world." I think that includes all of us. Basically, everything we do, have done, or plan to do involves other people. Lonely people are not happy people, and as strange as it may seem, a person in a crowded room may feel lonely. You, me, and everyone else crave love, acceptance, friendship, recognition, respect, and the assurance that we're important to someone else, yet all those cravings involve other humans. We're constantly looking for others who are like us....those who share common interests. From the time they're old enough to move around, kids long to find other kids to play with, while adults are content to just sit and carry on conversation with other adults. When we experience what we call that "warm, fuzzy feeling," it's almost always brought on by a relationship with someone else. Now for the other side of the story: When we experience emotional pain, hurt feelings, disappointment, sadness, rejection, inferiority, or rage, it's a result of our relations with other people. Isn't it amazing how the source our warm, happy feelings can also be the source of much of our pain? It's like water, a natural resource that's essential for our survival, yet that same resource can sweep over us in torrents and take our lives away. People bring us joy; people bring us pain. People build us up; people tear us down. People make us laugh; people make us cry. People are good for us; people are bad for us. Here's my point: Not everyone will like you, and you may have no idea why they don't. There will be those who will hurt you, and it may or may not be intentional. There will be times when you will feel rejected or forgotten. The end result may leave you feeling bitter and make you afraid to allow yourself to become that close to anyone ever again. You should reject those feelings. There will always be someone else who can potentially be just as close to you as the one who hurt you, and if you bring the bitterness from the old relationship into the new one, you're setting yourself up for the same kind of pain all over again. It's not fair to your new friend, and it's not fair to you. You must allow yourself to become as vulnerable as before. Feelings of paranoia will never allow you to be completely happy again. You need people. People need you. We can't make it without each other, but it will be so much better for all involved if we're happy in the process. That part is up to you and me. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume DI

It was just past lunch time, so I looked for a nice place to stop for a bite. The place I selected ended up being a little more upscale than what I would've ordinarily chosen, but since I was already there, I decided to go ahead and give them my business. The place was small and the tables were uncomfortably close together. My table appeared to have been pulled just a few inches away from the next table, just far enough to be able to be called a separate table. Seated there next to me were three young "thirty-somethings" who seemed to be frequent guests there, and they were apparently completely oblivious to my presence. Since I was no more than eighteen inches from the closest one, I couldn't help but hear their entire conversation as I ate in silence, and judging from their topic, they must have been in some kind of competition as to which one had the worst husband. (I also got the impression that their husbands were at work while their names were being smeared in the mud.) I was reminded of a young woman I had worked with a few years earlier who would come to work letting everyone in the office know just how sorry her husband was, until the morning she showed up with swollen eyes and a puffy face from crying all night because her husband had left her the night before. I thought she would've been glad. On the other side of the equation, I've know numerous men who didn't necessarily run their wives down to other men, but they would publicly humiliate them in front of other people, treating them as if they were idiots. There, once again, I exercised my right to remain silent, while I wanted to shout at the guy and tell him that while his wife may not know right off which way is east, I was sure there were a lot of things she DID know that he didn't, but was too classy to point it out right then and there. One thing she knew was to keep her mouth shut at that moment, while he seemed totally unaware that publicly humiliating another person made him look much more foolish than she. There's a lot about both of those examples I don't understand. First of all, if the person I chose to marry is such a dingbat and is so worthless, how bright does that make ME look? Secondly, does it make me look smart or cool to make sure everyone around is aware of the complaints I have about my spouse? Does that get me accepted into the "Cool People's Club?" But the big question I have is, do we sometimes have unrealistic expectations about other fallible human beings? While we're quick to point out that we're not perfect, do we expect perfection from everyone else? My wife has made some not so smart mistakes down through the years, but if she and I were to compete on who had made the most, I think we'd end up in a tie. Truthfully, I believe the women at the table next to me who were complaining about their husbands, the same husbands who were working so their wives could afford to have lunch with their friends in a fancy restaurant, really loved their husbands and would probably be ashamed if I had recorded their conversation and played it back to them. The man who ridiculed his wife for not having a sense of direction could most likely point out a lot more things about her that made him proud, yet all of them got caught up in the moment, in the emotion of the conversation, and made human mistakes. But, you know, if we're willing to look in the mirror and take a look at ourselves the way we really are, we can learn from those mistakes and become better people. Hey, I know my wife is human and is subject to human error. She's knows the same about me. Between the two of us, who errs the most? I don't know. We're not keeping score. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume D

How fitting that this message fall on the day we are celebrating the New Year. No, my words today may not offer encouragement or hope, and they likely will not make you laugh nor cry. In fact, they may even be violating one of the principles I often preach with my writings: "It's not about me." You see, today's writing is solely about me and my baby. It also marks a major milestone. Please indulge me as I reminisce. Those of you who only read my articles on my Friday Facebook posts may not even be aware that they actually have a name, "Thinking Out Loud." It all started back in 2006 when I sent out a group email to my running group, and for some strange reason I can't explain, for the subject I wrote, "Thinking Out Loud, Volume I." I had no intention of ever doing a "Volume II," but the next week I wrote another one, and before I knew it, I had something going without a foreseeable stopping point. If you read these posts via email or Blogspot, you may have noticed that today's title is "Thinking Out Loud, Volume D." Then when you realize that the "D" is not meant simply as a letter of the alphabet, but is actually a Roman Numeral, it opens your eyes as to just what it means. Yes, Ladies and Gentleman, today marks the 500th consecutive week I have posted my weekly blog. Naturally some are better than others, but I've also learned that I can't really predict how any of them will be received, or which ones will be hits and which ones will fall flat. Some have unintentionally caused controversy, some have made people laugh, some have brought tears, and I can even recall one in which I was openly sobbing as I wrote. I will no doubt leave someone out here, but as I think back over the last decade, there are a few people who come to mind whom I have asked to be guest writers for me...people with stories to tell. Those names include, but are not limited to, Charlie Davidson, Valerie Campbell, Angie Richardson, Deena Ferguson, Heather Gray, Amy Miller, Jansen Martinez, Jeff Acreman, Amber Zambie, and Leslie Lamb. Several of these articles I've written have ended up being published, primarily in either military or religious publications. I even have a couple friends who have saved every one of them they've read. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank each of you for taking the time to read my thoughts, and for the feedback, even for those who have disagreed with something I've said. So far, no one has disagreed in a "disagreeable manner." There have definitely been times when I've thought about stopping, especially when it's time to write and I'm having a difficult time coming up with a topic, but as of now, my plan is to keep it going for as long as possible. Yes, "Thinking Out Loud" is my baby, and I've heard she resembles me quite a bit, which I take as a compliment. I promise that next week I'll get back to my regular style of writing, whatever that is, but for now, happy 500 week birthday, "Thinking Out Loud." Back on the first day, I never dreamed we would ever even come close to this day. May you still be around for 500 more weeks. Happy New Year, everyone!! Here's wishing you a 2016 that is your best year ever!!! Preston