Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCCLX

Those of you who know me well, and those who have been following my blog for a while, are aware of the fact that I have a two year old granddaughter who has Down Syndrome. Her name is Lennon. Several times I've mentioned both the joys and challenges we face having a special needs child in the family, and we're just the grandparents. Both the joys and challenges are multiplied for the parents, our son and daughter in law. We were told within minutes of her birth that she had the symptoms of DS, and I'll never forget the big lump that came in my throat when I got the news. It was a hard pill to swallow. Then came the questions. Oh, there were a lot of questions. To be honest, there still are. Through it all, there was one nagging fear that I never spoke about....until now. Lennon has a brother, Lake, who is four years and one day older than she is. From the day of Lennon's birth, I worried how her situation would affect him. Those first few weeks were especially hard on him due to the fact that she had to stay in the hospital for most of the first two months of her life, and part of that time she was in a New Orleans hospital, four hours away, for her heart surgery. It's typical for a child to experience some jealousy when he has to start sharing attention with a newborn sibling, so we naturally expected that situation to be much greater in his case, but I have to say, considering the circumstances, he was a real trooper. From the time she was old enough to start to recognize members of her family, it was obvious that Lennon idolized her big brother. Of course, at first, he wasn't aware that his little sister was any different from any other baby, and he made it equally obvious that he was just as crazy about her. Now he knows her situation, and I have to say that I don't think I've ever seen a six year old big brother who is as fond of his little sister as Lake is of Lennon. Naturally, as with any siblings, she annoys him at times, but all in all, he seems to be the perfect big brother. So, my worry about how her situation would affect him is almost gone, because from my vantage point, she has had a positive affect on him. Kids who don't know better can sometimes be cruel to children who are a little different, and chances are, Lennon will have to face some of that. Yes, I've worried about that, and I've worried about how Lake will handle it when it happens, but the more I watch him, the more confidence I have that he'll handle it well. Another of my concerns has been what her long term future will look like if she outlives her parents, but I don't worry about that as much any more either. Lennon is fortunate to have the parents she has, but years from now when they're gone, Lennon will be fine, because from the way it looks now, she has a big brother who's gonna see to it. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCCLIX

Something has changed. There's no question about that. There is a question, however, about whether or not we can change it back, and if we can, do we have the will to do so. You see, I started school in the late fifties, graduated from high school in 1969, and then from college in 1973. I can honestly say that during my school age years, I don't think the thought ever crossed my mind even once that someone could walk onto our campus and start randomly shooting students and teachers. If that ever happened during that period of time, I never heard of it. Now it has become almost commonplace. Somehow, somewhere along the way, something has changed. When I was a child, it would annoy me when I would hear older people running down the younger generation and saying things like, "I don't know what's gonna happen to this world when they're in charge," but now I look back and wonder if maybe they could foresee some things that we couldn't. I have to admit that things haven't gone so well on our watch. One could argue that it's not our generation that's shooting up the schools, theaters, and malls; and that's true, but it is coming from the generation that we raised. So who's to blame? Are guns the problem? Considering the fact that when I was a child most families had at least one gun in their home, the answer must be "no." I've also heard the argument that most of these crimes today are being committed by people who are mentally unstable. That may be correct, but is mental instability a new thing? I don't think so. My point is if we try to pin the blame on factors that haven't changed that much from generation to generation, we may be barking up the wrong tree. Let's talk about the things that HAVE changed. In 1959, the year I turned eight years old, the divorce rate was 22%. Just 26 years later (one generation), in 1985, it reached the 50% mark. What about the TV shows we watch? When I was a kid, most of the sitcoms were about families. I don't watch that much TV any more, but the last sitcom I can remember that was about a normal, functional family was "The Cosby Show," and that show was discontinued years ago. And while we're on that subject, the old shows never had any four letter words, and now they can't make one without them. We did have the "shoot 'em up" westerns back then, but the scenes weren't nearly as graphic as today. As a whole, we've lowered our standards in regards to the subject matter we allow in our homes in front of our children. We even have to be careful with the cartoons. When I was a kid, we didn't have X-Box or Playstation. We had a cardboard box, which became our play station. I wonder how many people our kids have "killed" through their video games by the time they turn twenty-one. In my day, we could even publicly display "The Ten Commandments." Would someone please explain to me just which of those commandments are bad for society...and why? In many areas of our country, we can't even place a manger scene on any public property. I don't think our parents' generation would have stood for that. You should look up church attendance trends in the last generation and see which direction it's going, and it's generally believed that many people are not truthful when polled on that question. In other words, they may say they attend regularly, when they actually only attend a few times a year. Today when someone commits a mass shooting, we have the twenty-four hour news channels who bring the fame to the deranged shooter that he was craving. Yes, we had crime back in those days, such as the assassination of the President, but it was nothing like we are witnessing today. The way I see it, fixing the problems we're now facing cannot be accomplished through legislation or legalism; we have to somehow fix the hearts of people. Those are a few examples of how things are different today than they were in the previous generation, and one may look at any of them and argue that that just couldn't be the root of the problem, but putting all of them together just may be a major factor in the decline of our society. If we want to find the solution to this issue, we must be willing to take an honest look at the root of the problem, and to find this "root," taking a look at how society has changed over the years should be our first step. I know a solution that would work. If we could somehow convince everyone to pattern their lives after Christ, all crime would disappear. The locksmiths would all go out of business, because there would be no need for them. Now to just figure out how to accomplish that task. It would entail making a 180 degree turn from the direction we're headed now. Everyone wants to put an end to these senseless shootings, but are they willing to face facts and do what it takes to make it happen? We shall see. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCCLVIII

"It's not about me." I could start writing examples of Americans putting that principle into practice and I would end up making this article so long that no one would read it. At the time of this writing, it's been a mere four days since the horrific school shootings in Newtown, Connecticut, and we're hearing some heartwarming stories of teachers and first responders who, without hesitation, put themselves in harm's way to try to save the lives of those innocent children. I marveled at the outpouring of concern and support from all across this nation when Hurricane Katrina slammed into our own region of the country just a few years ago. We then had the opportunity to reciprocate just a couple months ago when Sandy battered the Northeast so severely. Just this morning I was chatting with a friend as we discussed the topic of neighbors helping neighbors, such as taking over a meal when someone is sick, helping with the cleanup when a tree or big limb falls in the neighbor's yard, or mowing the lawn of an elderly person who is no longer able and cannot afford to pay someone to do it. Things like that happen all the time across this great land of ours, and it's because the overwhelming majority of our citizens are good people. I've heard it said that you really can't be called a generous giver until you give to those who can do nothing for you in return, but I'm happy to report that we have generous givers in every section of our country, from every level of society, from every racial background, from every religious denomination....basically from all walks of life. Thank God for people who live by the principle, "It's not about me." What I've just said is reality. Now let's dream a little. I'm thinking about writing a song to the tune of Mercy Me's "I Can Only Imagine," and the theme of the song would be, "I can only imagine what it would be like if our leaders in Washington would develop an 'It's not about me' attitude." I get so frustrated when I know that they know what it would take to get our country back on track, but they're afraid to do it because of how it might affect their political careers, or their power base. I've heard so many promise to do what's right, even if it means they only get to serve one term, yet rarely do I see them follow through with that promise once they get elected. Here's my message to Congress and even the President: "Those teachers in Connecticut sacrificed their own lives to protect their students, yet you're afraid to risk your position of power for the sake of our nation. Instead of electing you, maybe we would be better off if we had elected some teachers and first responders as our leaders. You know....the ones who actually live by the principle, 'It's not about me.' " Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCCLVII

Husbands and wives should compliment each other. "You did an excellent job on dinner tonight." "Wow, you're looking good!" "Your body odor is really not that bad, considering how fat you are." Well, maybe we should scratch that last one, but you get the message. I love it when my wife tells me I look nice, and I know it makes her feel good when I tell her the same thing. Compliments like that can work wonders as long as they fall within these three guidelines: 1) They should be sincere; 2) they should be given freely with no prompting from the spouse being complimented; and 3) there should be no ulterior motive behind them. Sometimes we get so accustomed to being around each other that we forget to pay compliments when they are deserved, and we may end up complimenting someone else while ignoring the same achievement by our own spouses. Everything I just said, I sincerely believe, and I want to make sure that the rest of what I have to say takes nothing from it; but let me now say that for most of the rest of this article, I'll be using a slightly different definition of the word "compliment." I know what I want to say, and I hope I'll be able to express my thoughts into words that most of you will understand. Let me try it this way: I'm a better man with Angie as my wife than I would be without her. By the same token, Angie is a better woman with me as her husband than she would be without me. That's because we compliment each other. We make each other better. However, for that to work, sometimes our words may sound like anything but a compliment. Let me give an example of what I mean. Angie and I have resolved to do a better job with the English language, so in that effort, we agreed to allow the other one to correct us when we mispronounce a word or use bad grammar. At first, we each had a tendency to bristle just a little when we were corrected, but now, although we each still have a ways to go to get to where we want to be, both of us are speaking better. That's just one example of many where husbands and wives can compliment each other. If I see that she is starting to develop a negative attitude, I very gently let her know; or if I start to say bad things about someone, she will say something like, "But you don't know what they might have been through that makes them be that way." And I have to admit that she's right. I'm a reader, and my love of books has rubbed off on her to the point that she now reads just as much as I do. Her dedication to her daily devotional time has been an influence on my life to make sure I spend time studying and acquiring a better knowledge of the Bible. I love desserts, and she has been a tremendous warrior in helping me keep my tendencies to over-indulge under control. She has run several half marathons, and I dare say she would never have run a single one if not for my influence. One thing that both of us have learned is that words spoken harshly tend to make the other person become defensive, and that means when we use corrective language, it should be done with gentleness and love. We must constantly remind ourselves that we are supposed to be on the same team, not competitors. Good blockers make the quarterback look good, a good quarterback makes the receivers look good, and good players who are working together toward one common purpose make the entire team look good. I'm proud to call her my wife, and I told her so. She's proud to call me her husband, and she told me that too. We compliment each other. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCCLVI

If I set a goal to become a multi-millionaire by next Friday, chances are I'll end up disappointed. Now...if you think the main reason that I'll fail to achieve my goal is due to my lack of faith, why don't you try it and show me how it's done. I heard a story about an evangelist who said he believed the Lord was gonna save fifty people in their service that night, but the trouble was, there weren't fifty people there. I believe in miracles, but I also believe there are some prerequisites that we have to perform before we can see them happen. We cannot just kick back in the recliner with our feet propped up and expect to see all our dreams come true....if we're gonna see it happen, we'll have to do our part. Read the next two or three paragraphs to see why I'm saying this at this particular time. This is my first "Thinking Out Loud" for the new year, so I think it would be a good time for us to stand in front of a mirror and take a quick inventory of ourselves; then let's fast forward one year with a mental picture of what we want to be at this same time next year. How does the picture of the person you want to be in January 2014 differ from what you see now? I can see a lot of things about myself that I want to change. Now, are these changes attainable? The image that's looking back at me now is that of a sixty-one year old man. If I'm still around to repeat this process in twelve months, the image I'll see will be a sixty-two year old man. That's a fact that cannot be changed, so I'll be wasting my time if I set my goal to be forty-eight next year. My point is, it won't make sense for me to set unrealistic goals. However, there are some things that I CAN change, so that's where I need to put my efforts. There have been times in my past when I've made lists of New Year's resolutions that were a mile long, but at the end of that year, I was ashamed to even look back at that list. So basically, those lists were a waste of paper. I tried to change myself so drastically that it became unrealistic, thus I ended up changing practically nothing. However, it did bring about a change in the way I make my resolutions. I figured out that my new goals had to stretch me to my limits, without exceeding those limits. So the next year, my goals were much more simple. For example, one year I resolved to make more money and spend less. That's easy to say, but much more difficult to bring to fruition; yet it was attainable as long as I made a solid plan and stuck with it....and I did it. Wow! What a great feeling of accomplishment!! One year I resolved to become a better husband. You'll have to ask my wife if I succeeded, because the old me kept wanting to creep back in, but I kept it on my mind all year long, and, in my opinion, I achieved at least some degree of success. There's a health club right behind my house, and it's amazing to see the huge surge in their traffic during the first two months of the year, but by March and April, they're back down to their normal crowd of diehards. That's because people set all these goals and then slowly revert back to their old ways of living, and chances are they're less fit at the end of the year than they were at the beginning. Just like so many of you, I'm setting some goals for 2013, and they're not gonna be easy, but they are within reason. I've learned that I will feel so much better about myself if I succeed at attaining just a few reasonable challenges than if I make a long list of resolutions and have to admit failure. Not only that, but I actually DO become a better person by the time I look in the mirror the following year. Preston