Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLVII

The least I should be able to expect from my wife is loyalty. You know what I mean. I need to be able to take comfort knowing she is not running me down to her friends and coworkers. I deserve that much, don't I? Or do I? Yes, I do deserve it...but only if I have provided the same kind of loyalty to her. In other words, the only type of loyalty I deserve FROM her is the exact same kind I have given TO her. There's a rule of thumb we must always keep in mind when dealing with other people: I must be willing to give what I expect to receive. I have absolutely no reason to complain about my financial status, but it sure would be nice to receive a nice big boost to my bank account right about now. The question is, do I deserve it. Well, let's look at reality. I don't have to look far to see others who are in a much worse shape than I'm in....people who need that financial boost much more than I do. Have I done anything to help any of them? If not, how do I even have the gall to ask others for something that I, myself, am not willing to give? One of the most simple, yet cherished, gifts a person can receive is a friendly smile, and I have to tell you, I've learned a lesson in that department: If I smile first, most people will respond by smiling back at me. The kicker is that someone has to act first, and, well, it just as well be me. It's often been said, "To have friends, you must show yourself friendly." It's only logical. Who wants to become friends with an unfriendly person? If I want to BE loved, I must be willing to SHOW love. Do I deserve love when I don't give love? If I want generosity, I must be generous. If I want you to be honest with me, I must always be truthful with you. The same principle also holds true in reverse. What I DON'T WANT from you, I must not give to you. For example: I don't want you gossiping about me behind my back, but do I gossip about you? I've worked with people who became furious when they felt that someone was trying to beat them out of some money, when all the while they were trying to find a way to get out of having to pay a legitimate debt. So many times, we adults act just like children in that respect. We will scold a child for crying about the punishment he received for being disobedient, then we drive 83 mph in a 70 mile zone, and curse the cop for giving us a ticket. What I give is what I deserve to receive, be it good or bad, and that means, if I give it, I deserve to get it back in return. With that in mind, I've come up with a new plan for my life: I'm gonna hit less and hug more. I've got a good feeling about this. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLVI

Bon Voyage. Have a good trip. Drive safe. Those are all comments we make to our friends when they're about to embark on a journey. They're phrases we all use very casually, although we do mean it, because, after all, we certainly don't wish for anything bad to happen to them. However, when I think about those words, my mind goes back to the days prior to January, 2007, when my mom was still living. I often made that hour and a half trip over to her house, and every time when I started to leave, she would say, "Son, please be careful." I assure you, there was a difference in the way those words were spoken compared to the way we so casually throw them around. It was more like a desperate plea that came from every fiber of her being, from the top of her head to the end of her toes. I believe even someone from Peru or China, who didn't understand a word she was saying, would have been able to detect that difference in her tone of voice. If you have an infant who has not yet learned to talk, or maybe even a pet who will never learn to speak, chances are, they have already grasped the ability to interpret your tone of voice. Speak soft, gentle, loving words to your baby, and she will respond in kind, but if you speak harshly to her, she will pucker and begin to cry. I remember one time when I was in college, living in the dorm, and I had stepped across the hall to visit my friends when I heard my phone ringing in my room. A long-haired boy named Cholla who lived down the hall had put some fake teeth in his mouth and pulled his hair in front of his face, and he was waiting in my room. He had someone else dial my number to get me to my room. I opened my door and grabbed the phone just as Cholla came at me saying "Ooooooooooo." I tried to be cool and answer my phone, but I said "HELLO" loud enough to wake the dead. It was no use pretending it didn't scare me because my tone of voice with just the word "hello" gave my secret away. If you're upset with me, regardless of what you say, your tone of voice will tell me how you really feel. In my line of work, I've learned to determine if a potential client is interested in my product....not so much by what he says, but more in how he says it. Tone of voice will indicate fear, anger, desperation, nervousness, love, frustration, sincerity, admiration, apathy, etc. It takes a skilled communicator to be able to override and mask how he really feels, especially to a good listener. Parents, specifically mothers, have a special sense of being able to recognize the fact that something is not right with her children, even when they insist "everything is fine." With my job that requires a lot of travel, I often hear the words, "travel safe," and they really mean it. But when my mom said it, although she may have used the exact same words, the phrase meant so much more. I could hear it in her voice. Preston Sent from my iPad

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLV

Leon was a non-smoker. He was quick to let everyone know it too. If you had any kind of halfway lengthy conversation with him, he would touch on the topic of how bad smoking is, and how he didn't believe in it. His son, GW, was a different story, however. He went through about a pack a day, and he didn't care who knew it. He was in his late teens, still living in the house with his parents, and apparently they allowed him to smoke at home. I was in high school at the time, also working part time in a little country convenience store, and Leon would often stop by and pick up a couple packs of cigarettes for "that boy." So many times, "that boy" would come by a couple hours later and buy his own cigarettes.....a different brand than what Leon had bought. If I can insert a word of wisdom here, "Smoking in secret doesn't fool many people for long." Although Leon didn't realize it, most everyone in the community knew the truth: Leon was a smoker. Angie & I lived in Crowley, LA for seven years, and during that time we made quite a few friends in that area. One of them was a lady named Gloria, and her husband, Clifton. Gloria had a prestigious job in town, and was well known in the community. She was one of those we could call a "good friend." Eventually, we moved away and over time I began my current career, which requires a lot of business travel. One trip took me to Lafayette, which is near Crowley. I finished up my day's work fairly early, so I was able to check into my hotel by 4:00 pm. When I got in my room, I noticed a gap in my curtains, so I walked over to try to pull them together a little better....just in time to see Gloria pull into a parking slot at the hotel. At first I thought, "What is she doing here?" Then I saw her meet a man, who was not her husband, and they entered a room together. After about an hour, they both left. Well, it was none of my business, so I kept that information to myself, but I never forgot it. The two stories I just told you happened a long time ago, but I'm a little more kind hearted than a typical news reporter might be, so although they are true, I changed the names of the characters...for more than one reason. First of all, it's not my place to spread unsavory information about anyone, and secondly, how many of us have our own little secrets from our past that we don't want published? The point I want to make, however, is that our secrets may not be as secret as we think. No doubt, what Leon thought he was hiding was known by a multitude of people, but I have no way of knowing who all knew about Gloria's indiscretions. I may be the only one. One thing for sure, she has no idea that I know. Even though her secret is safe with me, I'm certain she would prefer I didn't know. The things you and I want to keep hidden may or may not be different from those of Leon and Gloria, yet we still want to protect them from becoming public knowledge. It would serve us all well, though, to recall the words of Abraham Lincoln, "You can fool all the people some of the time, and you can fool some of the people all the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time." Yes, we all have our little secrets that we hope no ever finds out about, but chances are, the word is already out. Preston Sent from my iPad

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLIV

I wanted to see the ship, but the reason I was so excited about boarding really had little to do with me. The United States Navy had retired one of their older destroyers, the USS Orleck, and she had been moved to the Calcasieu River in Lake Charles, Louisiana to be made into a museum. Just a couple years before his death at age 91, my father in law had volunteered his time, expertise and labor to construct hand rails on all the stairs on the ship to get it up to code as an attraction for the general public. One Saturday morning when we had gone down to visit him for the weekend, he decided to take us to tour the ship before it actually opened as a museum. We had taken our grandson with us on the trip, and I got my biggest thrill by just observing his wide eyed amazement as we were about to board. However, none of us could have known that his excitement level was about to double before any of us ever stepped on board. As we started across the gangway leading from the shore to the ship, we looked down to the water below just in time to see a huge alligator swimming upstream, no more than four feet directly beneath our feet! Lake, who was about six at the time, said later, "I liked seeing that alligator as much as I did the ship!" A couple weeks ago, near the end of an extended road trip, my job took me to Galveston, Texas, which is actually an island just off the Texas Gulf Coast. As I started for home that next morning, the route included a twenty minute ferry boat ride that took us past at least a dozen ships that were waiting in line to get to the port, and there must've been a least a hundred sea gulls swarming our ferry, diving down to the water in our wake, looking for food. It was an interesting sight, but the whole time I was wishing I had Lake and Lennon with me. Can you still remember how things excited you so much more when you were a child than they do now? Driving over a really high bridge. Taking a ride on a tractor. Moving your arm up and down, signaling the driver of the 18 wheeler to blow his air horn for you. Eating a Popsicle. The list goes on and on. Then as we grow older, all those fun things gradually begin to lose their appeal and we just settle in for the more hum drum, laid back style of life. Oh, if we could always look at life's experiences through the eyes of a child! The best we can do now is have our kids and grandchildren with us as much as possible, but there's something else we might could try when they're not with us. All it takes is a little imagination, and we became imagination experts when we were kids. I tried it on that ferry boat trip, and it worked pretty well. I just made believe they were with me, envisioning myself showing them all the sights. Most of us adults have lost that wide eyed look at the little things of life, but if we can just pretend we have our little ones with us, we can get it back. When our kids can't be with us, we can "play like" they are. Life is so much more fun that way. Preston