Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLXXXII

When I was born, I was just a little baby. What about you? I was completely helpless, able to do absolutely nothing on my own. I was totally without knowledge, therefore all information that came my way was new to me. The first thing I learned was if I cried I would be fed or get my diaper changed. As far as I was concerned, the whole world revolved around me. Still, the information kept coming, and I began to understand the unfortunate fact that there were other people in this world who demanded just as much attention as I did. As time progressed, my parents, knowing I wanted to grow up and be a big boy, began the long, slow process of trying to teach me that I was selfish because I was a baby, and if I wanted to be a big boy, I had to start acting like one, which meant I would have to accept the fact that there were other people around me whose needs were just as important as mine. It has been a long, slow process, more than six decades in the making, but I'm slowly coming to the knowledge that my life goes a whole lot smoother when I live by the motto, "It's not about me." Sure, I want nice things for ME and MY family, and when it's time for me to depart this world, I hope to have a few things I can leave for MY kids. If I don't take care of those items of business, no one will, but if I make that my sole purpose, I'm afraid I'll reach the end of life feeling unfulfilled and never get to experience the best life has to offer. If I continue in my greedy, selfish ways, that means I'm still acting the way I did when I was a baby, and I've yet to grow up and be the "big boy" I always dreamed of being. "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me." (I Corinthians 13:11 NIV) Is it okay for my good friend to also have other friends? If not, I'm making it all about me. If I'm upset about a decision my preacher made at church, I'm making it all about me. If I have to speed up to get to that good parking spot before that other car gets it, I'm making it all about me. If I expect everyone else to always let me have my way, I'm making it all about me. If I'm constantly whining and complaining, I'm acting like a baby and making it all about me. If I want to always charge you full price, yet I try to talk you out of making a fair profit off me, I'm making it all about me. I wonder what life would be like if everyone could develop an "It's not about me" attitude. There would be no war. There wouldn't even be any fights or arguments. Politicians would truly seek the will of the people. No one would get their feelings hurt. Crime would disappear. There would be no such thing as aggressive drivers. I would be just as happy to see your kids succeed in life as I am for mine. I would make my decisions based on what's best for everyone involved. Yes, when I entered this world, I was a baby, and everything was about me. How nice it would be if long before I die, I will be able to achieve my goal and say, "I finally made it. I'm a big boy now!" Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLXXXI

What do we do when we know company is coming? For most of us, we start cleaning and straightening our houses, making sure everything is in order and looking as good as possible. Why do we do that? Are we trying to create the impression that an immaculate home is the norm for us? How many of you believe you come close to the world record on the fastest house cleaning when you find out someone will be there in fifteen minutes? Have you ever been to someone else's house when you weren't expected, and their home was topsy turvy? I have, and to be honest, it made me feel good just knowing other people's houses can get just as messy as mine can sometime become. So......what would our homes look like if we knew no one would ever be coming to visit? Let's face it. Much of what we do, or how we act, has to do with how we appear, or how we relate, to other people. What is your weakness? Think about it. Is it jealously? Insecurity? Feelings of inferiority? Do you feel unattractive? Do you think you're a loser? Now....what is the one thing all the feelings I just mentioned have in common? They all stem from how we relate to our fellow man. Just this morning I was looking at Instagram and I saw a little poem, posted by a good friend, that tied in with this topic that was already on my mind. It's called "Masks." Here it is: She had blue skin And so did he. He kept it hid, And so did she. They searched for blue Their whole life through, Then passed right by-- And never knew. We constantly do our best to hide our flaws and imperfections to give the appearance that we're actually a little closer to perfect than we really are, and by doing so, we cause others who have the same blemishes to feel even more inadequate. For practically all my life I've battled with feelings of inadequacy, like I just don't measure up to what others expect of me or want me to be. As a result, I've worked on trying to exhibit an air of self confidence. I guess maybe it's similar to what we call the "little man syndrome" where a man of small stature subconsciously acts big and tough in an effort to cover what he feels makes him look weak in the eyes of his peers. It's as if we live our entire lives in competition with everyone else. If we're around someone who is smart, we may try to give the impression that we're just as smart, or smarter, than they are. What would life be like if all of us would remove our facades and become a little more transparent? Regardless of our income, our social status, how beautiful or handsome we are, or what our level of education may be, we all have areas where we're lacking. I do, you do, and so does everyone else we meet. The older I get, however, the more I realize my friends and family love me for who I am, and not for who I pretend to be. Actually, you might even like me better when I stop trying to make it appear I don't have these flaws, and become more comfortable with who I am. If you come ringing my doorbell in the next five minutes, you may also find my house a little less neat than it was when you were here and I was expecting you. This is the real me. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLXXX

Two separate incidents, similar in nature, and practically identical as they relate to the audacity of some people: The most recent was perpetrated by a twelve year old boy in the store of one of my clients. The other one was committed by a forty-something year old woman several years ago in a retail clothing store I was managing at the time. Here's what happened two weeks ago with the twelve year old: He walked into the store with his mom, and once inside, they each went to different areas of the store. The store has my product hanging on a wall, covering an area about ten feet wide, and he proceeded to pee on as much of it as he could, ruining more than $2,000 worth of merchandise. Fortunately, an employee of the store saw it happen, and security cameras caught every bit of the action, resulting in his parents being ordered to pay for everything he ruined. Now, the other one: The women's dressing room area in my store was connected to the alteration room, with a half door separating them. The alteration lady was working in her room, and she could hear activity in the dressing room next to her; then she heard that distinctive sound, and she knew what was happening. She ran in there and saw a woman in her mid forties squatting, urinating on the carpeted dressing room floor. The alteration lady said she yelled, "Stop that!! You stop that right now!!" The woman obeyed......as soon as she was finished. I was not in the store when it happened, and no one there filed any charges. Most of you by now are probably asking, "Who, in their right mind, could possibly DO something so repulsive?" I believe it goes beyond that. People can DO almost anything, both good and bad, but what really matters is less about what we DO, and more about what we ARE. For example, I could do some research to find out what compassionate people do, and then actually go out and perform some acts of compassion to try to convince those around me I'm a compassionate guy. However, when it's nothing more than an acting job, it has a hollowness to it and fools no one. I remember a well known politician a few years ago who wanted to convince hunters he was one of them, so he took his camera crew with him to record all the action. Once he got into position, they had a captive goose, which they released in front of him, and as it started flying, he shot it, with the cameras catching only the flying goose and the candidate shooting it down. He wanted us to see that he could do what hunters do, but it was obvious he was NOT a hunter. One of the most quoted sermons ever preached is what we know as "The Sermon on the Mount," also referred to as "The Beatitudes," and it informs us who will be blessed. We notice that Jesus didn't say "Blessed are those who do what the pure in heart do." or "Blessed are those who do what the merciful do." He just said, "Blessed are the pure in heart" and "Blessed are the merciful." Do you see the difference? Sure, my wife wants me to perform the duties of a loving husband, but what she really wants is for me to actually BE a loving husband, and she'll know if I am or if I'm not. If I AM that loving husband, I won't have to worry about trying to do what they do because I'll do it automatically. You see, all actors step out of character once in a while. As far as the boy and the woman I told you about in the first paragraph, I think you and I both could name what they are, and although a judge could order them to never commit such horrible deeds again, until they experience a complete transformation of the heart, they can be described similar to that line in a song by The Eagles: "You're still the same old girl you used to be." Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLXXIX

Here's my life's story. It's not actually an accurate account of my life, but if things had always gone the way I wanted them to go, this is how it would sound:  Once upon a time down in Alexandria, Louisiana, a handsome little prince was born. He was, without a doubt, the most fortunate child in all of history, since he breezed through an entire lifetime without ever having to face any type of adversity. He always stayed physically fit, yet he never had to exert himself in any way. He never had to experience pain, hurt feelings, sleepless nights due to worry, or the humiliation of losing any game he ever played. His pockets constantly contained an abundance of cash, yet he only worked when he wanted to work, and stayed home whenever he felt like it. His children were just like him, as they were always well behaved and polite. He was loved by everyone he met, and was never misunderstood by anyone. Stress was a foreign word to him, while coffee and donuts were perpetually at his fingertips. Everything in his entire life went exactly according to plan until it was time to tell his life's story, and that's when he realized he had the dullest, most boring story ever told.  The End. Adversity, imperfection, storms, and heartache are all necessary evils that enhance our lives' stories, and without them our stories would be just like the story I told to open this article...dull and boring.  I could be of no help to you nor anyone else if my story was actually like the inaccurate account I gave in the first paragraph, since no one would care to hear any of my advice if I didn't have some experience under my belt that I could share. Yes, we know it's the hard times that shape us and make us what we are, and though we are aware that we need them, we never want them to come our way right now. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if we could schedule our troubled times for a specific time and place?  I don't think I would like that, because I would spend what were supposed to be my good, happy times worrying about the hard times on my schedule. In poll after poll, when Americans are asked who was the best President ever, the answer is almost always the same....Abraham Lincoln. If ever there was a man with a story to tell, it was Abraham Lincoln, but it surely would not be about his easy, carefree life. He was an individual who faced real adversity, defeat, and personal loss for much of his entire life. He was hated by many, and had to learn to live with the proverbial target on his back. His multitude of problems and how he dealt with them are what made him great, making him a prime example of the fact that it's not the good times that build character. I love to watch my grandson play ball, and I pull for his team to win every game they play, but they need to lose sometime so they can learn the valuable lesson of coping with defeat. If there's one thing I hate, it's having an unhappy customer, yet they have taught me some important principles concerning my career.  None of us enjoy trouble, but it's trouble that makes us who we are and teaches us to succeed in life, so, if that's the case, I guess we should welcome hard times.....we just don't want them today. Preston