Thinking Out Loud, Volume DXII

Ten years. Just ten short years. As I think back over these past ten years, I'm amazed at the changes I've seen in my life. Just one little decade ago today I was a fifty-four year old man who was still on a high from welcoming my first grandchild into the world just two days prior. Today he is a brilliant, baseball playing, God fearing sports enthusiast who has a deep love for his family. My, how things have changed in just one brief decade! On this day ten years ago I didn't know what an iPhone was, and now I'm on my third one. I had never heard of an iPad, and now I own two. I still had my mom ten years ago. The younger brother I lost in 2010 was still in good health ten years ago. People I didn't even know existed are now my close friends, while some relationships I had then have since gradually melted away. Couples who were my good friends are now divorced. Back then, there was no way we could have foreseen the birth of a precious little girl into our family who would radically change us in ways we had never dreamed. There's no way I could have ever imagined that today I would be "Poppa" to two little foster grandchildren, which means there is certainly no way I could've realized just how much we could love them even though we will likely have to see them go back to their birth families, and they will grow up not even remembering who I am. Within the past decade the home I live in has been completely transformed. Without a doubt, as you read this article, your mind has begun to take you back over the last decade, and it's beginning to sink in just how much your own life has been altered in such a short period of time. Some of us have certain years we would like to forget. I've heard statements, and have even uttered similar phrases myself, like, "I sure don't want to have to face another year like 2015," or "2014 taught me some hard lessons." Many of you who were single then are now married with children. Some who were married then are now single. One thing for sure, every one of us has seen things in the past decade we never dreamed we'd see. Now, with all that in mind, let's look ten years forward. My now ten year old grandson will be an adult. Angie and I will be in our seventies. Our kids will be in their forties and fifties. The iPhone and iPad I'm using now will be obsolete. There are those in our lives today who will no longer be here, and let's face it: Some married couples we know will be divorced. The person we elect as President later this year will be out of office. Some of the stores we shop will be out of business. Some of you will have kids, now yet to be born, who will be playing tee ball. The pets we have today will likely no longer be around. My daughter and son in law who are now foster parents could very well be adoptive parents in ten years. Those are things we can predict, but judging from the last decade, there will be events we can't foresee. Think about it. I had never heard of an iPad ten years ago, yet I'm typing this message on one right now. There are new devices in our future that we can't fathom right now. Of course we know that inventions will never stop, but we also know that life happens to all of us, and things just happen in life, both good and bad, that sometimes catch us off guard. We've all heard the cliche' that says, "It's not what happens to us, but what matters is how we deal with what happens." Our lives will certainly all be vastly different ten years from now, and we have no idea just how different they will be. Some changes will make us happy, and some will make us sad, but that's okay. We'll deal with whatever happens. We have no choice. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume DXI

Kids just do what comes naturally. Even tiny babies. I have a little foster granddaughter who is only three months old, yet it's just a natural act for her to cry when she hurts and smile when she is happy. That's not something she's been taught; she does it naturally. As she grows older, she, in her childlike innocence, will possibly be a little too blunt with others and may speak some hurtful words to those around her. I can still recall the time when my little brother, who was about four at the time, told a lady she was fat. I also remember that as soon as we got to a private place, my mom explained to him that what he said was rude, and words like that would not be tolerated in our family. If we fail to teach our kids to be respectful of other people's feelings, as well as their property, our kids will grow up not being liked or respected by others, and their shortage of friends will be our fault. When our kids cry every time things don't go their way, we teach them better. When our kids are selfish and refuse to share, we teach them better. When our kids are mean to other kids, we teach them better. When our kids rudely interrupt someone who is speaking, we teach them better. When our kids take something that doesn't belong to them, we teach them better. When our kids lie, we teach them better. When our kids throw a fit, we teach them better. If we neglect any of the above mentioned principles, our kids will grow up to be unpopular in our society. But how do we teach them? Sometimes words will be sufficient. Sometimes we have to take punitive action. However, I firmly believe the most effective method of teaching is when they observe our actions. The majority of the habits they develop as the grow up, both good and bad, will be acquired by watching the adults in their lives. Yes, small children automatically do what comes naturally, yet they learn to move away from those natural tendencies by watching you and me. The problem with that is, not all natural tendencies are bad, and that brings me to the point I want to make. Watch what happens when you put a group of three year olds in a room together. I promise you, in just a few minutes, there will be disagreements, and some of those disagreements will escalate into actual fighting if an adult doesn't step in quickly to get the situation under control. Now, just continue watching and see what happens next. Within moments, the two who were fighting will be laughing and playing together again as if nothing had ever happened, and those kids are just doing what comes naturally. By the end of the day, they won't even remember the battle they had earlier. What does that teach us? It teaches us that forgiving and forgetting come naturally! Did you know that holding a grudge is learned behavior? I don't know anyone who would purposely teach their children the art of grudge holding, so that is a skill that must be learned by observation. I saw a quote a few days ago that I loved: "The first to apologize is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest, and the first to forget is the happiest." Kids are born with a gift to "get over it," but they're also born with a natural desire to be like Mommy and Daddy. I also have a one and a half year old foster grandson who loves to sweep crumbs off the floor into a dustpan, because he sees Mommy doing it. Kids learn by watching adults, but there are also some areas where adults can learn by watching our kids. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume DX

A friend I used to work with had been out of his office for two weeks on company business. He walked back into the office early on Monday morning, dreading having to face the mound of work that had piled up on him the previous fortnight, only to discover that he was scheduled to be at the airport in thirty minutes for a trip on the company plane. As is often seen on private company aircraft, the passenger seats faced each other, and as he was the last one arriving, he ended up sitting in the seat facing the president of the company. There was a light rain falling as they taxied out toward the end of the runway. Nothing was said in the first couple of minutes until the president's voice broke the silence, "Joe, what are your goals and what do you plan to get accomplished on this trip?" Joe squirmed uncomfortably before answering the question with another question, "Where are we going?" "Austin, Texas. Now, what do you want to accomplish?" "Uh......Why are we going to Austin?" "Joe, why are you on this plane if you don't even know where we're going?" "Uh...I've been in New York for the last two weeks and when I got to work this morning, the HR guy told me I'm supposed to be on the plane." "Well, you need to get off this plane and go back to the office if you don't have a plan for the trip." So they stopped the plane and opened the door at the end of the runway, and Joe was heard saying as he stepped out into the rain, "I'm glad we weren't in the air when we made this decision." Joe was a completely innocent party in this incident, but what good could he have done had he gone on that trip, especially since only five minutes earlier he didn't even know where they were going or why they were going there? I have another friend who has a little sign in his office that says, "YOUR lack of planning is not MY emergency." Operating without a plan is also known as "flying by the seat of your pants." I'm guilty of that much too often. I recall a time in my life when my stress level was maxed out, and I was facing a decision that was keeping me awake at night, so I called an elderly man I respected and trusted, a man who also knew a little about my situation. He said, "I can't tell you what to do, but let me give you some advice. Look down the road as far as you can see and ask yourself 'How will my decision today affect my situation when I get there?'" Basically he was saying don't do something today that will be a negative in your life tomorrow. Look ahead as far as you can, and then make a plan that will benefit you most in years to come. The King James Version of Proverbs 29:18 says, "Without a vision, the people perish..." Once a year in January, we have what's known as Vision Sunday at our church as we look forward to the years ahead, listing goals and mapping out a plan to achieve them. My wife has a little sideline business and she has a vision for where she wants to be two years down the road. Not only that, she has a definite plan as to how she will get there. There are times when she will invest money into the fulfillment of her plan when it's so tempting to use that money for new windows for the house, or a new fence for the back yard. Squirrels do the same when they store nuts for the winter, when we know they would love to eat them right away. I have running friends who will look ahead to certain marathons and they visualize themselves setting new personal records when they get there. However, those records are never met unless there is first a vision and then a plan to achieve that vision. In most cases, our vision for tomorrow will require sacrifices today. Achieving my goals for tomorrow will require that I do some things today that I may not want to do. During the first six months of the year, my income is less than what I need to get by. During the last half of the year, however, I make more than is needed. Thankfully, I've learned to think ahead during the months of plenty, and put funds aside for the six months of famine. "Without a vision, the people perish." I'm glad I didn't have to learn that the hard way. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume DIX

Believe it or not, I used to be a comedian. Is it even conceivable to you that people would actually pay ME to try to make them laugh? One thing I learned was that timing is extremely important in comedy, and if something that's supposed to happen at a specific time is just a few seconds late, it ruins the whole joke. The majority of my gigs were at churches, and I had to depend on each church's sound man to play music or certain sounds at just the right second on the CD I provided. There are two instances in particular I want to tell you about. One was done perfectly and the other was the polar opposite of perfect. Trust me, one of the worst feelings in the world is when you're trying to be funny and someone is ruining all your jokes. The first one of these incidents was near Fort Worth, Texas. I met the sound man early before the banquet started, handing him the CD and a list of instructions. He glanced at it and and said, "No problem." I then proceeded to explain each one of the instructions, and he said, "Man, you don't have to go through all this. I've got it!" Well, he didn't have it. He messed up every single one of them. The other place was in Oklahoma, and just like I did in Fort Worth, I met the sound man with the CD and list of instructions. I then began to explain each one to him, and he asked questions and made notes on every one. His performance during the show was flawless! What was the difference between the two? The man in Oklahoma was teachable and the man in Fort Worth was not. Which guy will be the most likable and have the most friends? The answer is obvious. Proverbs 12:15 says, "Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others." It's like an oxymoron when the "know it all" is the foolish one, while the wise man realizes just how much he doesn't know and says, "Teach me; I'm listening." The fool says "I'm the best," and the wise man says, "I can be better." The fool is arrogant and the wise man is humble. The foolish man sits in the audience and never ceases talking to his neighbor while the speaker is speaking, as if what he has to say is more important than the speaker's words, while the wise man is silent, absorbing every word the speaker has to say. (Incidentally, the wise man does not enjoy sitting next to the foolish man in those situations.) The foolish man dominates the conversation, while the wise man spends more time listening. The wise man admits when has messed up, while the fool always blames someone else. The foolish man invests his time and effort on things temporal, while the wise man places his focus on things eternal. If I picked up a bottle and a genie appeared, granting me one wish, how would I use that wish? Would I be like the man on the television commercial who wished for a million bucks, and suddenly he saw a million male deer grazing on his lawn? I firmly believe, if such an opportunity came to us, the majority of us would ask for riches. Solomon had such a chance, and he asked for wisdom rather than wealth. His prayer for wisdom was granted, yet he became the most wealthy man alive. Imagine that!! With all of that said, it's time for me to take a long, hard look in the mirror and make a determination into which category I fall. Let me be the first to admit I've made some dumb decisions, so I have to ask if wise men and women ever do anything foolish. Well, let's take another look at Solomon. Considering the fact that he had seven hundred wives in addition to his three hundred girlfriends, I have to conclude that none of us are perfect and we're all subject to making stupid mistakes. (That had to be the epitome of a dysfunctional family.) A few months ago in one of these blogs I quoted a good friend of mine who said, "With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone." If I ever reach the stage of life where I feel that I have it all together and I've acquired all the wisdom I need, I will have to conclude that I have become a fool. No matter how old I become, I must never cease to be teachable, with a never ending thirst for more knowledge. The search for wisdom must be a never ending quest. Preston