It was December 2006, and it was the Saturday night of the weekend of the White Rock Marathon in Dallas. Our running group had converged on Dallas that morning and now we were all gathered at the Macaroni Grill in Plano to "carb up" before the big run the next morning. I can't recall just how many people we had seated at our table, but I do know that it was a large group, and we were all talking at the same time, laughing and just having a great time. Then my phone rang. Sometimes when I'm in that kind of environment, I'll just let it ring, but this was from my brother, Stan, and when I get a call from a family member, I try to answer if I can. That was especially true at that time, because my mom, who was living with him in Alabama at the time, had been very sick. I got up and walked away from the table a ways to try to get away from the noise so I could hear better. He told me that he had just had a visit with Mom's doctor and the news was not good. The cancer had spread practically all over her body, and there was really nothing more they could do for her. "How much time are they giving her?" I asked. He replied, "It's just a matter of a few weeks now." Then he continued, "I have to go back to her room and talk to her and tell her what the doctor said." Mom had made us promise her that if we ever received that kind of news about her, we would not keep it from her. "When are you going to tell her?" I asked. "Right now, as soon as I hang up the phone," he answered.
It's hard to describe how I was feeling when I walked back to our table. Should I say anything about it to my friends who were with me that night? I decided not to do that, so I just quietly told my wife and son who were sitting next to me. My appetite was gone. All I could think of was here I was, out having a good time with some of my close friends, and at the same time several hundred miles away, my mother was hearing the news that she was about to die. Several minutes later, my phone rang again. When I saw that it was Stan, I got up and walked back over to the same spot where we had had our conversation a few minutes before.
"Did you talk to her?" I asked.
"Yes."
"How did she take it?"
"Great. She couldn't have taken it any better."
Now let me shift gears just a little. I can't take any credit for the idea for today's writing. The words are mine, but the thought came to me in the form of a private facebook message I received from my niece, DeAnna Thomas, in response to last week's "Thinking Out Loud," which was about my granddaughter, Lennon. I was especially touched by what DeAnna had to say since she and her husband, Michael, have just gone through a very tragic time in their lives. The essence of what she said, at least the way I took it, is that sometimes when we come face to face with news that can be devastating, we start to pray for a miracle, but, according to the way we are asking, the miracle never comes; yet the miracle is there, only it's not dressed the way we are expecting.
In a recent facebook post, I said, "If God always gave us everything we asked for, the world would be overcrowded, because no one would ever die." DeAnna's letter to me has now opened my eyes to see this situation in a whole new light...in a way that I've never thought of before. Just because our prayers don't get answered in the way that we anticipate, it doesn't mean that our miracle is not there. The people who pray the most still have to face tragedy in their lives. We're not promised to always be taken around the fire; sometimes we're led "through" the fire. Where the miracle comes in is how we can face the fire with miraculous peace and calm. In DeAnna's words, we "discredit the miracle" by not seeing it for what it really is.
Mom would've preferred to live, yet she lived only four weeks from the night that I received that call from my brother. I spent as much time as I possibly could with her those last few days of her life, and I must say I was "blown away" by the graceful calmness with which she faced death. Chances are, I'll someday have to hear the same kind of news she received on that December night, and when I do, I pray that I can take it with the same poise that she did. DeAnna told me about how she was so "inspired" by "Memaw's" positive attitude in her situation and the example she set for those who loved her, when she could've just as easily been bitter over her ordeal. I saw that same upbeat, positive outlook from DeAnna and Michael as they walked through their own fire. It's nothing short of a miracle.
Preston
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCLXIII
"We're supposed to be a normal family. Really good things, like winning the lottery, don't happen to us. Really bad things don't happen to us either. Those things only happen to other people. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?"
I've told you this before, but I'm a different man than I was this time a year ago. What changed me? Can you believe it was a little infant girl? Her name is Lennon, and yesterday we celebrated her first birthday. These last twelve months have been a roller coaster ride, and sometimes roller coasters are pretty scary.
I'll never forget March 24, 2010. We got up very early that morning and headed to the hospital, all excited about the arrival of our second grandchild, who, coincidentally, would be arriving just one day after we had celebrated the fourth birthday of her big brother. As soon as she was born, her dad (my son), brought her out into the hall so we could see her, but the nurse told us that they needed to take her to NICU to check out some things, just as a precaution. Little did we know at that time that she would remain there for several weeks. As we sat there impatiently waiting for them to bring her to the little room where we could look through the glass and see her, we received a text from her dad. It simply said, "Please pray...they're testing her for Down Syndrome." I can recall so vividly how chills went all over my body as I read those words. "This can't be happening. That kind of thing happens to other people...not us." There were some telltale signs that the doctors and nurses had spotted right away that we laymen didn't know to look for, like some issues with the back of her neck and the single horizontal line across the palm of one of her hands, among other things. Just one of those symptoms may not mean that much, but all of them together....it was pretty likely. Still, we kept praying and hoping against hope that it wasn't so. Angie and I decided that we would not let the words "Down Syndrome" come from our lips until we knew for sure, therefore, many of our friends didn't hear about it for several days.
I was teaching a class on Wednesday nights at our church at that time, and I was scheduled to teach the night of Lennon's birth. As I stood up to teach that night, I had never felt such a mixture of emotions as I was feeling then. I was a proud new grandfather of a beautiful baby girl, and the congratulations were coming to me from every direction, yet my stomach was in knots, and I didn't feel at liberty to mention my worries to anyone. I simply told the class that I had something weighing heavy on my mind and I would like for them to help me pray about it. Just knowing that I had some good friends helping me pray, although they didn't know what they were praying about, was a great help to me.
In a few days, the tests came back positive. We had learned a lot during those few days, and one of the things we learned was that there are some heart conditions that often go along with Down Syndrome. To make a long story not quite so long, well, Lennon had that too. She went into heart failure before she was five weeks old, resulting in open heart surgery; yes, the kind where they open up her chest, stop her heart, and go in there to repair the defects. As I stood there looking at her just a short while before her surgery, I spoke out loud to her, and made her a solemn promise as well as a prediction, though I knew she couldn't understand a word I was saying. Those words were for me as much as they were for her. The promise was: "I'm going to tell you 'I love you' every time I see you." I'm trying my best to fulfill that vow. The prediction was: "You are going to love me with all of your heart." I'm gonna see to that.
When she came out of that long seven hour surgery, with all of the tubes and wires that were coming out of her nose, mouth, and chest, she didn't even look real. That was on Thursday. On Sunday afternoon, that little baby who had never been awake for more than fifteen minutes at a time, stayed awake for six long hours. Wow! Success!
There have been some ups and downs since that day, but overall, it has been a period of steady recovery, both for her and her family. As a family, we have learned that to have a child with Down Syndrome is not the end of the world. In fact, it's the beginning of a whole new, wonderful world. I made up a little song that I sing to her, and she loves to hear it. (I wonder how long that will last.) She's already standing unassisted for a few seconds at a time, and we expect her to take her first steps within a matter of days. She is so happy, and, as a result, has brought us more joy than we could ever describe. One may ask the question, "If you had the chance to go back and start everything over, wouldn't you want to bring her back without Down Syndrome?" The answer is, "Of course. But the way she lights up our lives, it's hard to imagine her any other way than the way she is right now."
Preston
I've told you this before, but I'm a different man than I was this time a year ago. What changed me? Can you believe it was a little infant girl? Her name is Lennon, and yesterday we celebrated her first birthday. These last twelve months have been a roller coaster ride, and sometimes roller coasters are pretty scary.
I'll never forget March 24, 2010. We got up very early that morning and headed to the hospital, all excited about the arrival of our second grandchild, who, coincidentally, would be arriving just one day after we had celebrated the fourth birthday of her big brother. As soon as she was born, her dad (my son), brought her out into the hall so we could see her, but the nurse told us that they needed to take her to NICU to check out some things, just as a precaution. Little did we know at that time that she would remain there for several weeks. As we sat there impatiently waiting for them to bring her to the little room where we could look through the glass and see her, we received a text from her dad. It simply said, "Please pray...they're testing her for Down Syndrome." I can recall so vividly how chills went all over my body as I read those words. "This can't be happening. That kind of thing happens to other people...not us." There were some telltale signs that the doctors and nurses had spotted right away that we laymen didn't know to look for, like some issues with the back of her neck and the single horizontal line across the palm of one of her hands, among other things. Just one of those symptoms may not mean that much, but all of them together....it was pretty likely. Still, we kept praying and hoping against hope that it wasn't so. Angie and I decided that we would not let the words "Down Syndrome" come from our lips until we knew for sure, therefore, many of our friends didn't hear about it for several days.
I was teaching a class on Wednesday nights at our church at that time, and I was scheduled to teach the night of Lennon's birth. As I stood up to teach that night, I had never felt such a mixture of emotions as I was feeling then. I was a proud new grandfather of a beautiful baby girl, and the congratulations were coming to me from every direction, yet my stomach was in knots, and I didn't feel at liberty to mention my worries to anyone. I simply told the class that I had something weighing heavy on my mind and I would like for them to help me pray about it. Just knowing that I had some good friends helping me pray, although they didn't know what they were praying about, was a great help to me.
In a few days, the tests came back positive. We had learned a lot during those few days, and one of the things we learned was that there are some heart conditions that often go along with Down Syndrome. To make a long story not quite so long, well, Lennon had that too. She went into heart failure before she was five weeks old, resulting in open heart surgery; yes, the kind where they open up her chest, stop her heart, and go in there to repair the defects. As I stood there looking at her just a short while before her surgery, I spoke out loud to her, and made her a solemn promise as well as a prediction, though I knew she couldn't understand a word I was saying. Those words were for me as much as they were for her. The promise was: "I'm going to tell you 'I love you' every time I see you." I'm trying my best to fulfill that vow. The prediction was: "You are going to love me with all of your heart." I'm gonna see to that.
When she came out of that long seven hour surgery, with all of the tubes and wires that were coming out of her nose, mouth, and chest, she didn't even look real. That was on Thursday. On Sunday afternoon, that little baby who had never been awake for more than fifteen minutes at a time, stayed awake for six long hours. Wow! Success!
There have been some ups and downs since that day, but overall, it has been a period of steady recovery, both for her and her family. As a family, we have learned that to have a child with Down Syndrome is not the end of the world. In fact, it's the beginning of a whole new, wonderful world. I made up a little song that I sing to her, and she loves to hear it. (I wonder how long that will last.) She's already standing unassisted for a few seconds at a time, and we expect her to take her first steps within a matter of days. She is so happy, and, as a result, has brought us more joy than we could ever describe. One may ask the question, "If you had the chance to go back and start everything over, wouldn't you want to bring her back without Down Syndrome?" The answer is, "Of course. But the way she lights up our lives, it's hard to imagine her any other way than the way she is right now."
Preston
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCLXII
You owe me a debt of gratitude. I have single-handedly saved the world from destruction more times than I can remember, and I did it all between the trips I was taking in my 18 wheeler from Wisconsin to Massachusetts and back. The trouble is, it was so long ago, I don't know if I could recall how to do it now. However, that does not take away from the fact that it did happen, although it all occurred inside of my mind...my imagination. As I look back, it becomes obvious that surely I hold some world records in my driving ability, because I would make that Wisconsin/Massachusetts trip sometimes fifteen times a day. Wisconsin was next to the crooked tree in front of our house, Massachusetts was the big pile of dirt beside the gravel road that passed in front of our place, and the 18 wheeler was, of course, my bicycle.
My favorite way of saving the world was through a deal I had made on behalf of the United States with the Soviet Union. There was a pond in the woods behind our house that had a two and a half inch pipe that went across it, three to four feet above the water, to one of the oil tanks that was near our property. (Well, that's how far above the water it is now, but back then, at least the way I saw it, it was a thousand feet high.) The deal was, if I could walk on that pipe across the pond without losing my balance and falling to the water below, Communism would cease to exist and all the world would be free; but if I fell, the Soviets would rule the world forever. Thankfully, in actual reality, as many times as I walked that pipe across that pond, I never fell one time.
I had a terrific childhood. In addition to all the wild and crazy things that were going on within my imagination, the actual events that I experienced played a huge part in who I am today. My parents lived from paycheck to paycheck, and never had extra money, but somehow, we took a vacation almost every summer. And I'm talking about real vacations...like the one we took with some close family friends to the Rocky Mountains in Colorado, sleeping in tents and cooking on a Coleman stove. The total price of that ten-day trip was less than $100. There were also several unforgettable trips to Oklahoma, Missouri, and Illinois. What a life I had!
The challenge that I face today, as an adult, is to make sure that "life" continues. A popular slogan today, that most of us have used from time to time is, "You need to get a life." That's some good advice. It's far too easy to allow job responsibilities, paying bills, and just keeping our heads above the water, set limitations on real life. If we're not careful, we will let "making a living" deprive us of "actually living." I firmly believe in saving for retirement, but what I don't believe in is letting "planning for my future" deprive me of "my present." When you're a child, it seems like those birthdays come so slowly, but as you get older, they seem to start to speed by; and I should know, because I've experienced quite a few of them. In fact, I've got a big one coming up this year, and it's started me to thinking about the brevity of life. What a shame it would be for me to have to face the fact that my time on earth is about over, and as I face death, I look back and realize that I never even lived.
Preston
My favorite way of saving the world was through a deal I had made on behalf of the United States with the Soviet Union. There was a pond in the woods behind our house that had a two and a half inch pipe that went across it, three to four feet above the water, to one of the oil tanks that was near our property. (Well, that's how far above the water it is now, but back then, at least the way I saw it, it was a thousand feet high.) The deal was, if I could walk on that pipe across the pond without losing my balance and falling to the water below, Communism would cease to exist and all the world would be free; but if I fell, the Soviets would rule the world forever. Thankfully, in actual reality, as many times as I walked that pipe across that pond, I never fell one time.
I had a terrific childhood. In addition to all the wild and crazy things that were going on within my imagination, the actual events that I experienced played a huge part in who I am today. My parents lived from paycheck to paycheck, and never had extra money, but somehow, we took a vacation almost every summer. And I'm talking about real vacations...like the one we took with some close family friends to the Rocky Mountains in Colorado, sleeping in tents and cooking on a Coleman stove. The total price of that ten-day trip was less than $100. There were also several unforgettable trips to Oklahoma, Missouri, and Illinois. What a life I had!
The challenge that I face today, as an adult, is to make sure that "life" continues. A popular slogan today, that most of us have used from time to time is, "You need to get a life." That's some good advice. It's far too easy to allow job responsibilities, paying bills, and just keeping our heads above the water, set limitations on real life. If we're not careful, we will let "making a living" deprive us of "actually living." I firmly believe in saving for retirement, but what I don't believe in is letting "planning for my future" deprive me of "my present." When you're a child, it seems like those birthdays come so slowly, but as you get older, they seem to start to speed by; and I should know, because I've experienced quite a few of them. In fact, I've got a big one coming up this year, and it's started me to thinking about the brevity of life. What a shame it would be for me to have to face the fact that my time on earth is about over, and as I face death, I look back and realize that I never even lived.
Preston
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCLXI
I think I inherited my dad's personality. The "me" that my good friends have come to know is an outgoing, fun-loving guy who loves to make people laugh, and to laugh along with them, although I do have the ability to be serious when the situation demands it. As a result, I've never had a problem making friends. It's interesting to look back at my old high school yearbook and read some of the comments that were made by my classmates who signed my book for me, as they talked about my personality and how I could make them laugh. I loved the ladies and was able to count some of the most beautiful young women in our school as some of my close friends. The bigger the group, the more comfortable I became....but that's where the problem came in. You see, behind that what would appear to be a self confident smile was a phobia that I lived with every single day...the fear of rejection. Much of the self confidence that I exhibited was fake. I didn't date because I was afraid that if I asked a girl out, she would laugh in my face and tell me that she wouldn't go out with me if I were the last boy on earth. That's why I feel that it is such a miracle that somehow I ended up with the one woman on earth who is most perfect for me.
Although the days of having to muster up the courage to ask a girl out are behind me, to some extent I still have to face the issue of self confidence, but today it's more an issue of just not "measuring up." I guess maybe sometimes I'm afraid that people want to include me in their activities because it would be rude not to. Apparently it's just a part of my nature to have those fears, yet I must say that I've come a long way in my effort to overcome them. From time to time, we will hear about certain individuals who are completely rejected by society, and I cannot imagine what that would feel like. As humans, we are social creatures, with the need to be accepted by our fellow humans, to feel that we have a purpose in life, and to know that someone, somewhere needs us and wants us to be a part of their lives. Fortunately for me, I discovered the vaccine that helped to get my problem under control and to put me back on track toward where I really need to be.
The vaccine that I discovered works just like any vaccine that we take for the health of our bodies. For example, when we receive a polio vaccine, we are actually being injected with a small amount of the polio virus so that our bodies will build up a resistance to it. For me to be able to learn to overcome the fear of rejection, I had to experience small doses of real rejection. Massive doses would have done me in, but with what I did get, I was able to realize that to be rejected by some is not the end of the world. I'm glad I learned that, because no matter who we are or what stage of life we're in, there will be some who will not want to accept us as we are. Still today, I face situations where some with whom I occassionally rub shoulders apparently do not want me to be a part of their social circle, but it's okay now. I still sleep just as good. And since I've been on facebook, I've been amazed at who will not confirm me as a friend, or who have even named me as a friend, and then come back and de-friended me later. What I've learned to do is to refuse to focus on those who want to exclude me, but instead, I turn my attention to those who seem to genuinely want me to be a part of their lives. I think the best way to sum it up is to borrow and slightly change a line from a country song: "Some folks don't like guys like me, oh but some folks do."
Preston
Although the days of having to muster up the courage to ask a girl out are behind me, to some extent I still have to face the issue of self confidence, but today it's more an issue of just not "measuring up." I guess maybe sometimes I'm afraid that people want to include me in their activities because it would be rude not to. Apparently it's just a part of my nature to have those fears, yet I must say that I've come a long way in my effort to overcome them. From time to time, we will hear about certain individuals who are completely rejected by society, and I cannot imagine what that would feel like. As humans, we are social creatures, with the need to be accepted by our fellow humans, to feel that we have a purpose in life, and to know that someone, somewhere needs us and wants us to be a part of their lives. Fortunately for me, I discovered the vaccine that helped to get my problem under control and to put me back on track toward where I really need to be.
The vaccine that I discovered works just like any vaccine that we take for the health of our bodies. For example, when we receive a polio vaccine, we are actually being injected with a small amount of the polio virus so that our bodies will build up a resistance to it. For me to be able to learn to overcome the fear of rejection, I had to experience small doses of real rejection. Massive doses would have done me in, but with what I did get, I was able to realize that to be rejected by some is not the end of the world. I'm glad I learned that, because no matter who we are or what stage of life we're in, there will be some who will not want to accept us as we are. Still today, I face situations where some with whom I occassionally rub shoulders apparently do not want me to be a part of their social circle, but it's okay now. I still sleep just as good. And since I've been on facebook, I've been amazed at who will not confirm me as a friend, or who have even named me as a friend, and then come back and de-friended me later. What I've learned to do is to refuse to focus on those who want to exclude me, but instead, I turn my attention to those who seem to genuinely want me to be a part of their lives. I think the best way to sum it up is to borrow and slightly change a line from a country song: "Some folks don't like guys like me, oh but some folks do."
Preston
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCLX
Just a quick note before I get started: Today marks the 260th consecutive week that I have written "Thinking Out Loud." When I put my mathematical skills into operation, I divide the 260 weeks by 52, the number of weeks in a year, and the answer is an even 5. That means that today is our 5 year anniversary. One of these days I will probably decide that I've about run out of things to say, but as of right now, I have no plans to stop, so who knows how long this will last. Happy birthday, TOL.
Have you ever had surgery to have some type of organ or body part removed? More than likely, a large percentage of you can answer that question in the affirmative. I can't. I had surgery one time, but nothing was removed, so, as far as I know, I still have everything I was born with. I'm happy with that. Since my mental capacity seems to be more limited than a lot of other people I come in contact with, I chose not to go into the medical profession, yet I do find it interesting when I hear knowledgeable people talk about the human body and how all the parts work together in such harmony and take care of each other. I must also add that the more I learn on that subject, the more I'm convinced that we are not merely a result of some naturally occurring phenomenon, but instead, we are a creation of an all knowing, all powerful being who knew exactly how to make us, what parts were needed for all the different required functions for our survival, and where those parts should be located.
Over thousands of years, people have studied the most intricate details of our bodies, and in the process, have figured out the purpose of each of our organs, so they now know what we can and cannot live without. But they've also figured out that every little part has a function, so basically, unless it's something that is malfunctioning, they choose to let us keep it. This includes parts like the appendix, gall bladder, tonsils, adenoids, etc. Those are useful organs, but they are apparently also things that are not required for survival. We are born with two kidneys for a reason, although, as my mom could've have testified, we can live a fairly normal life with only one. But as you know, we have to have our liver to live. (I wonder if that's why it's called a liver.) It's the same story with the heart, although we apparently have two totally different parts that we refer to as the heart. For example, I can talk about my heart, and I'm speaking of a muscle that pumps blood throughout my body. Then I can tell you that I love you with all of my heart, and I'm speaking of something more intangible, like my inner most being, or my soul, or a part of my mind, or maybe it's just me as a whole.
So, what is the purpose of today's writing? I'm not sure. It's something I've been thinking about, so I decided to write it down. I guess my main purpose is to express my thoughts on how wonderfully we were made, and when God created us, He placed every little part of us, both inside and out, just where it needed to be. Every one of us has a purpose, as it relates to how we fellowship with our fellow man and our body of humanity, although, just as with our own small body parts, sometimes there is a malfunction, and the main body has to make do without it. Could it be that some of us are more replaceable than others? Probably so. Yet we must remember that every part of our bodies was placed there for a reason, and that leads us to ask the age old question that has been asked down through the generations: "Why do men have nipples?" I haven't figured that one out yet, but I'd like to keep what I have.
Preston
Have you ever had surgery to have some type of organ or body part removed? More than likely, a large percentage of you can answer that question in the affirmative. I can't. I had surgery one time, but nothing was removed, so, as far as I know, I still have everything I was born with. I'm happy with that. Since my mental capacity seems to be more limited than a lot of other people I come in contact with, I chose not to go into the medical profession, yet I do find it interesting when I hear knowledgeable people talk about the human body and how all the parts work together in such harmony and take care of each other. I must also add that the more I learn on that subject, the more I'm convinced that we are not merely a result of some naturally occurring phenomenon, but instead, we are a creation of an all knowing, all powerful being who knew exactly how to make us, what parts were needed for all the different required functions for our survival, and where those parts should be located.
Over thousands of years, people have studied the most intricate details of our bodies, and in the process, have figured out the purpose of each of our organs, so they now know what we can and cannot live without. But they've also figured out that every little part has a function, so basically, unless it's something that is malfunctioning, they choose to let us keep it. This includes parts like the appendix, gall bladder, tonsils, adenoids, etc. Those are useful organs, but they are apparently also things that are not required for survival. We are born with two kidneys for a reason, although, as my mom could've have testified, we can live a fairly normal life with only one. But as you know, we have to have our liver to live. (I wonder if that's why it's called a liver.) It's the same story with the heart, although we apparently have two totally different parts that we refer to as the heart. For example, I can talk about my heart, and I'm speaking of a muscle that pumps blood throughout my body. Then I can tell you that I love you with all of my heart, and I'm speaking of something more intangible, like my inner most being, or my soul, or a part of my mind, or maybe it's just me as a whole.
So, what is the purpose of today's writing? I'm not sure. It's something I've been thinking about, so I decided to write it down. I guess my main purpose is to express my thoughts on how wonderfully we were made, and when God created us, He placed every little part of us, both inside and out, just where it needed to be. Every one of us has a purpose, as it relates to how we fellowship with our fellow man and our body of humanity, although, just as with our own small body parts, sometimes there is a malfunction, and the main body has to make do without it. Could it be that some of us are more replaceable than others? Probably so. Yet we must remember that every part of our bodies was placed there for a reason, and that leads us to ask the age old question that has been asked down through the generations: "Why do men have nipples?" I haven't figured that one out yet, but I'd like to keep what I have.
Preston
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