Thinking Out Loud, Volume DXXXIV

The number one song on the top forty charts on this day forty-four years ago was called "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" by Looking Glass.  Yeah, I knew the song, but on that particular day, my mind wasn't on Brandy.....the song, the girl, or the drink.  However, the next few words of that hit song WERE on my mind:  "You're a fine girl, What a good wife you would be."  You see, that day, August 26, 1972 was the day Angie and I were married, and somehow, by the grace of God, we still are.

There aren't that many couples who make it that long.  How can two people who live in the same house together for almost four and a half decades still enjoy each other's company?  I don't know how psychologists would answer that question, but I can tell you what we've done, and it has apparently been working.

First of all, we forgive each other.  A friend told me a few days ago, "We have a rule in our house.  When we forgive, it's never mentioned again."  That's a rule in our house too, because if we continue talking about it, we haven't truly forgiven, and I've learned that if we stop talking about it, we stop thinking about it, and eventually we forget about it.  Any disagreements we have, and there will be quite a few of them, are personal, private matters, and we never mention them to anyone else.  And that brings me to another point:  We never run each other down to any other person.  Actually, as I list these rules, I'm beginning to see a pattern....the first three rules have to do with controlling our tongues, and while we ARE controlling our tongues, we ARE NOT controlling each other.  For example, if she wants to take a girl trip to Salt Lake City with a group of friends, I tell her to go and have a good time. She does the same with me when I want to go on a running trip with friends.  We never attempt to hide anything from each other, and the way we do that is by never doing anything we would want to hide.  She knows who my friends are and I know hers, and we're fine with it.  With that said, we also have friends together, and we love getting together and visiting with other couples.  She and I take trips together, and we even frequently go grocery shopping together.  I know couples who work together, which I think is great, but I just don't think that would work for us.  We love to go to North Alabama to visit our daughter and son in law and their family, and sometimes we'll have non stop conversation the entire trip, while other times we may go forty miles without saying a word. We never hit or kick each other, and we never use profanity when we're angry with each other (still controlling our tongues).  Experience has taught us not to make a big deal out of trivial issues....if it's not gonna matter next week, it doesn't make sense for us to get worked up over it today.  Without a doubt I'm leaving out several habits we've developed that have been instrumental in keeping us together so long, but there are two more I want to mention. We've learned that when we disagree, if we'll just make an attempt to understand why the other one has his/her opinion, it's much easier to come to a resolution. The other point is, we go to church together.  Worshipping together is the glue that keeps us from splitting apart.  

It would be foolish for me to try to make you think we have it made.  This marriage thing requires work, and that will still be true when we celebrate our fiftieth and sixtieth anniversaries.  She and I don't typically make a big deal out of birthdays and anniversaries, and we won't today, other than maybe a nice meal together; instead we make a big deal out of each other on a daily basis.  It's easier for us to cling together when we give each other space.  Any other sweet, sugary thing I have to say to her today, well....we keep that private too.  So far, what we're doing seems to be working.

Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume DXXXIII

"Somebody's knocking,

Should I let him in?

Lord, it's the devil,

Would you look at him!

I've heard about him, but I never dreamed

He'd have blue eyes and blue jeans."  Terri Gibbs

You see, the devil is a chameleon.  He will change colors so he can look whatever way would be most appealing to us.  Terri Gibbs' point in that song is that she has a weakness for blue eyes and blue jeans, so that's what her devil looks like. MY point is if we're expecting the devil to always have a pointed tail and a pitchfork, we're in for a rude awakening. If you're a person who is constantly having to watch your weight, as I do, your devil may look like cherry pie.  Yesterday I was scrolling through Facebook and I saw where a friend was lamenting about how hard it is for her to get up on time in the mornings, so her devil looks like a snooze button.  If overspending is your weakness, your devil may look like a sale paper.  If someone has done you wrong, he may look like revenge. (Note:  I'm not necessarily talking about Lucifer.)

As a long time runner, I've often heard and often said, "If running was easy, everybody would be doing it."  Sometimes running is a struggle and we're faced with temptation to just stop.  Back in 2008, a group of us went to Pennsylvania to run the Philadelphia Marathon (26.2 miles).  In that race, at exactly the halfway point, 13.1 miles, our route took us to the finish line, where we had to circle around it and then start another 13.1.  There was the big refreshment tent.  Our car was nearby; the car that could take us back to the hotel for a nice, warm shower.  What do you do when you're already feeling exhausted from running a half marathon, and you pass close enough to the finish line you could reach out and touch it?  It would have been so easy right then to just stop and forget about the last half of that run.  My devil that day was the finish line, but I'm happy to say I ignored him and finished my course.  

The problem with the devil is he is so good looking.  He always looks so tempting and so inviting, but when we give in to him, we hate what he does to us.  Another line in that song by Terri Gibbs says,

"I'm getting weaker and he's coming on strong,

But I don't want to go wrong!"

If he presents himself as cherry pie, we love the taste but despise the way he makes us look later, even though he tells us it's made from fresh fruit. If he's disguised as a snooze button, we cherish the extra sleep, but get in trouble when we're late for work.  When I circled around that finish line in Philly, I could've stopped right then and not run another step, but if I had, I'd still be hating myself for it now, eight years later.  Some of us are old enough to remember "The Flip Wilson Show" from the early 70s.  His favorite line was "The devil made me do it."  Today, however, I choose to be smart and strong; smart enough to know when I'm being tempted to take the easy way out, and strong enough to overcome that temptation. And that means no cherry pie for me today, I'm gonna get up on time in the morning, and when I have to circle around that finish line, I'm just gonna wave and say, "See ya' later!"

Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume DXXXII

Last week, my good friend, Kelly Jaubert, challenged me on Facebook to post a picture of my spouse and me for seven consecutive days.  Today is the seventh day, so I decided to tell you a little about us and our family, while tying it in with the seven day challenge, and this will serve as my weekly blog.  I have been so richly blessed in so many ways, although we've faced some rough spots along the way, just like everyone else.  In my younger days I looked ahead and tried to picture who I would marry, and what kind of kids we would have.  I had a plan for our lives, and I actually saw parts of it come to fruition, but I have now come to the conclusion that there was a divine plan that far superseded any plans I had made.  In a way, though, I feel like King David, who wanted to build a temple, but that honor was reserved for his son.  I believe God's plan for Angie & me involved our kids in a more direct way, while we may have helped set the foundation, primarily by the way we raised our children. No doubt this plan will still be in play after Angie and I are no longer in the picture.

Everything was going according to plan....MY plan.  I was able to find someone who would love me and wanted to spend her life with me, and she was, and still is, beautiful.  Then my plan called for kids; two of them.  One boy and one girl.  They were both supposed to be good looking and incredibly smart.  Yep, it happened just like that.  Well, naturally there would be grandchildren, and my first requirement was that my son would have another son so it would give us one more step in carrying on the family name.  BOOM!  Here came that little sandy haired boy, who was good looking and incredibly smart....and he was a BOY!  Then God stepped in and said, "Okay, I've given you your heart's desire up to this point, but now it's time for ME to take over and show you what MY plan looks like.  Ladies and gentlemen, I never dreamed that our family would see what would start happening after that.  It's a good thing God didn't reveal his plan to us, because we would have rejected it right from the start, because there were some things we just didn't understand, and sometimes at first glance, God's plan looks more like a curse, though today I have to say thank you Lord for choosing us for this plan.

The next grandchild was a girl.  They let us see her briefly, then took her straight to NICU.  Moments later, we received word that she had all the signs of a child with Down Syndrome. We went from "deer in the headlights" to total denial, to finding a love like we never knew existed.  She has changed us and the way we view life.  There were challenges, like open heart surgery at five weeks old, but there's no way to describe the joy she brings us.  I am so proud of my son and daughter in law for accepting and embracing God's plan the way they have.  They have become very active in the Down Syndrome community, which has some notable people as members.  As you may know, Sarah Palin is a part of that community, and when she and Lennon finally got to meet, Sarah had her picture made with her and posted it on her Facebook page.

Those are my son's kids, but my daughter was certainly not left out of God's plan, and again, if I had known in advance, my first inclination would've been negative. God chose my daughter and son in law to be foster parents, and currently they have two girls and a boy, ranging in age from seven months to three years.  My first question was, "Can I love a foster child like a child born into my family?"  Well, the answer to that question is a resounding "YES!"  Will we have to see them go back to their birth families some day?  Probably. Will it hurt?  You'd better believe it!  But, you see, this is God's plan for our family, and we've learned if we just TRUST HIM, things will work out better than we ever imagined.

Angie and I are now in our sixties, and  we've been married for forty-four years, yet we are embracing life like newly weds. Yes, we know we don't have as long left on this earth as we once did, but even for that, God has a plan, and it's wonderful.  Thank you, Kelly, for nominating me for this challenge.  I don't normally do things like this, but I have to admit, I have really enjoyed it.

Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume DXXXII

Last week, my good friend, Kelly Jaubert, challenged me on Facebook to post a picture of my spouse and me for seven consecutive days.  Today is the seventh day, so I decided to tell you a little about us and our family, while tying it in with the seven day challenge, and this will serve as my weekly blog.  I have been so richly blessed in so many ways, although we've faced some rough spots along the way, just like everyone else.  In my younger days I looked ahead and tried to picture who I would marry, and what kind of kids we would have.  I had a plan for our lives, and I actually saw parts of it come to fruition, but I have now come to the conclusion that there was a divine plan that far superseded any plans I had made.  In a way, though, I feel like King David, who wanted to build a temple, but that honor was reserved for his son.  I believe God's plan for Angie & me involved our kids in a more direct way, while we may have helped set the foundation, primarily by the way we raised our children. No doubt this plan will still be in play after Angie and I are no longer in the picture.

Everything was going according to plan....MY plan.  I was able to find someone who would love me and wanted to spend her life with me, and she was, and still is, beautiful.  Then my plan called for kids; two of them.  One boy and one girl.  They were both supposed to be good looking and incredibly smart.  Yep, it happened just like that.  Well, naturally there would be grandchildren, and my first requirement was that my son would have another son so it would give us one more step in carrying on the family name.  BOOM!  Here came that little sandy haired boy, who was good looking and incredibly smart....and he was a BOY!  Then God stepped in and said, "Okay, I've given you your heart's desire up to this point, but now it's time for ME to take over and show you what MY plan looks like.  Ladies and gentlemen, I never dreamed that our family would see what would start happening after that.  It's a good thing God didn't reveal his plan to us, because we would have rejected it right from the start, because there were some things we just didn't understand, and sometimes at first glance, God's plan looks more like a curse, though today I have to say thank you Lord for choosing us for this plan.

The next grandchild was a girl.  They let us see her briefly, then took her straight to NICU.  Moments later, we received word that she had all the signs of a child with Down Syndrome. We went from "deer in the headlights" to total denial, to finding a love like we never knew existed.  She has changed us and the way we view life.  There were challenges, like open heart surgery at five weeks old, but there's no way to describe the joy she brings us.  I am so proud of my son and daughter in law for accepting and embracing God's plan the way they have.  They have become very active in the Down Syndrome community, which has some notable people as members.  As you may know, Sarah Palin is a part of that community, and when she and Lennon finally got to meet, Sarah had her picture made with her and posted it on her Facebook page.

Those are my son's kids, but my daughter was certainly not left out of God's plan, and again, if I had known in advance, my first inclination would've been negative. God chose my daughter and son in law to be foster parents, and currently they have two girls and a boy, ranging in age from seven months to three years.  My first question was, "Can I love a foster child like a child born into my family?"  Well, the answer to that question is a resounding "YES!"  Will we have to see them go back to their birth families some day?  Probably. Will it hurt?  You'd better believe it!  But, you see, this is God's plan for our family, and we've learned if we just TRUST HIM, things will work out better than we ever imagined.

Angie and I are now in our sixties, and  we've been married for forty-four years, yet we are embracing life like newly weds. Yes, we know we don't have as long left on this earth as we once did, but even for that, God has a plan, and it's wonderful.  Thank you, Kelly, for nominating me for this challenge.  I don't normally do things like this, but I have to admit, I have really enjoyed it.

Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume DXXXI

Everything seems to be okay now, but there was a short period of time when it wasn't. Without realizing what I was doing, I said something that upset a good friend. When this friend brought it to my attention, I felt HORRIBLE!! I wasted no time in offering a sincere, from the bottom of my heart apology, and just as quickly, forgiveness was granted. I honestly believe that from my friend's perspective, it's all now in the past, but as for me, I feel a great deal of relief, but I'm not quite yet completely over it, even though it has been several months. I'll explain what I mean shortly, but first let me tell you how I ended up on this topic today. A couple weeks ago, one of our pastors was speaking, and in his lesson he mentioned a survey he had seen. A popular ladies magazine had asked its readers to send in the words they most want to hear. No doubt most of the respondents were women, but I feel certain with men the results would have been much the same. Most all of us would likely be able to guess the number one answer: "I love you." What do you think the number two response would be for the words people most want to hear? It's "I forgive you." If that's the number two response, right behind "I love you," that tells me every one of us will mess up from time to time and find ourselves in need of forgiveness. That's a fact we need to keep in mind as we move through the rest of this article. I have good friends. True friends. Friends who love me like I love them, and that explains why forgiveness for my transgression was so quick in coming. Now to the question of why I'm only feeling partial relief from the words "I forgive you." True repentance requires real sorrow, which means that my repentance was genuine, because my sorrow was authentic. The entire matter is now behind us, except for one thing...I still have feelings of regret because I wish I wouldn't have said what I said. Hurtful words can't be unsaid. Here's my point: If I'm still feeling bad over this issue, how much worse would I be feeling if I hadn't heard those three powerful words, "I forgive you!" The top two responses for the words people most want to hear: "I love you" and "I forgive you!" Think about it. Can I say the most desired words, "I love you," and yet withhold the second set of words, "I forgive you?" I think not. If I refuse to forgive you, that means I must not care about how you're feeling about your mistake, which means I can't honestly say "I love you." One more thing: Can I expect others to forgive me when I refuse to forgive others? Matthew 6:15 can give you a good perspective on that question. Now, as for MY friends, we forgive each other because we love each other. We say to each other the words we all want to hear most: "I love you" and "I forgive you." Yep, I have good friends. The best!! Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume DXXX

"Okay, so I made a bad decision and I regret it, but you have to understand....I was mad at the time." Notice I have that statement in quotation marks, but I didn't list the person's name who said it. Well, it was me. And chances are, you have made the same kind of statement in the past as well. One hard lesson I've learned is not to make rash decisions during periods when my emotions are running high. As a general rule, I'm a fairly low key guy, and I usually am able to keep my temper in check, even though on the inside I may be seething and want to completely walk away from some people forever. I assure you, though, if I did that every time I was tempted to do so while in a state of anger, my friend list would be much smaller today....and it would be all my fault for making a regrettable decision during a time when I didn't need to be making decisions. The only decision that should be made at such a time is the decision to put off making decisions until I've had a chance to cool down. Yes, on rare occasions, my best bet might be to walk away and put my relationship with that person completely in my past, but that decision would need to be based on a consistent pattern of behavior and not on a one time occurrence. As I think about this topic, I have to wonder how many times I've angered a friend, and at that moment, that person wanted to be completely done with me. Thankfully, on most occasions, those people have waited until their emotions were calmer before writing me off. Here's the kicker: It's not just in times of anger when we need to make sure we put off making big decisions. I remember when I was a youth, a man who was a friend of my parents told me about a time when he met a gorgeous young woman and fell head over heels in love with her instantly. They decided to go get married immediately. Each of them called a friend who could serve as best man and maid of honor, and they headed toward a meeting with the Justice of the Peace. Suddenly a severe storm blew in, making travel practically impossible, so they decided to put off their wedding till the next weekend. By that time, both of their emotions had cooled down, resulting in another postponement of the nuptials. That was many years ago, and the two of them have never even seen each other since. If their love affair was so shallow they never even bothered to call each other to discuss their wedding, thank God for the storm that slowed them down until cooler heads prevailed. There are good, well intentioned people who will play on our emotions when they want us to donate money, or obligate ourselves to a monthly pledge for a cause they are promoting. It's good to do that. I give to charitable causes, but I still believe we should wait until we are not caught up in the emotion of the moment before making that decision so we can choose how much we want to donate based on logic rather than on emotions. My main point is when we are caught up in the emotion, any kind of emotion, of the moment, it may not be the best time to make decisions that will have long term consequences for our lives or the lives of the people we care about. The fact of the matter is the effects of our decisions will continue to be with us long after the emotions of the moment have passed. I remember hearing a man tell me, "You may one day meet a girl who is so pretty you will want to eat her up, and then after you marry her, you will wish you would have." Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume DXXIX

A nation divided. A home divided. Can either survive? At a cemetery, a crowd has gathered for a somber occasion, hoping to hear something that will bring them some peace of mind. It's about 3:00 pm and the slight hum of soft conversation becomes silent as a man by the name of Edward Everett steps to the podium and for two solid hours delivers a rousing 13,000 word speech that is well received by by practically everyone in attendance; and he's just the first speaker. The next one to speak is a man of significant importance. In a mere ten sentences he addresses the question that is on everyone's mind: "Can we as a nation withstand such division and hatred?" Things aren't going well at home. There's tension between Mom and Dad. They're putting on a front when the kids are watching, but in the darkness of the night, behind closed doors, there's mostly silence. Each one of them believes the other one has fallen out of love, when the truth is they are both deeply in love, and the pain each one is feeling is very real. The nation I'm speaking of is yours and mine, and that event took place almost 153 years ago as President Abraham Lincoln followed a well received two hour speech with ten sentences that even to this day many students have to memorize. It's known as "The Gettysburg Address" and it came about during a time when our citizens were killing each other, even to the point that it pitted brother against brother. Never before or since has our country been so divided. The home I'm talking about is yours and yes, even mine. I have to admit that early in our marriage we went through a period when we weren't sure whether or not we would make it, and if you've been married any length of time, you can likely recall those same kinds of situations in your own home. Here's the truth: More than a century and a half after President Lincoln uttered those immortal words in a Gettysburg cemetery that afternoon, we're still standing, even through all the government corruption that followed "Honest Abe's" term in office. Here's another truth: In just a few short weeks, Angie and I will be celebrating our 44th wedding anniversary, and we're more in love now than we've ever been. President Lincoln addressed the question of "whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure." Can we endure? Well, here we are. Just look at us! One hundred fifty-three years after that famous speech and two hundred forty years after our inception, I think we can. Can my home endure? Well, after forty-four years of marriage, we're still going strong! As I type this, under my breath I'm singing the words to a song by Elton John: "I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid." Preston