Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were watching the 10:00 o'clock news one night and there was a story about a man who was standing on the edge of the Calcasieu River Bridge threatening to jump, so Boudreaux challenged Thibodeaux to a bet as to whether or not the man would actually jump. Boudreaux bet that he would not jump and Thibodeaux bet that he would. However, when the man jumped, Thibodeaux said to Boudreaux, "I can't take your money, man, because I cheated. I watched the six o'clock news, so I already saw dat man jump." Boudreaux replied, "I saw the six o'clock news, me too, and I saw dat man jump, but I sure didn't think he'd do it again."
Well, the scene I'm experiencing right now is from a movie I've already watched. I've circled this block a time or two, so this is not my first time around. One thing I've learned down through the years is that pain hurts, but pain has a purpose. Of course, there are some of us who like to think that we are tough enough to endure pain and we like to brag that we have built up a tolerance that helps us to endure a little more than what the average person can take. Well, that may be true to a certain extent, but there's a limit to how much any of us can endure. I digress. Let me get back to the statement I made that "pain has a purpose." Pain is our body's way of telling us that something is wrong. Let me use the analogy of a parent and a child. How many times have you said something to your child like, "Johnny, sit down and eat your dinner." When Little Johnny pays you no mind, you say it again, "Johnny, I said for you to sit down and eat your dinner." Finally, it's more like this, "JOHNNY, YOU HAD BETTER SIT DOWN AND EAT YOUR DINNER RIGHT NOW, YOUNG MAN!!! DO YOU HEAR WHAT I'M TELLING YOU?"
The first little pains we feel are like that first soft voice that tells us, "Something is not right here, so you need to check it out." Most of us will totally ignore that soft voice, so it speaks to us again. No response. Finally, after several times of being completely ignored, it's more along this line, "I'VE TRIED TO TELL YOU IN A NICE WAY TO STOP, BUT SINCE YOU REFUSE TO LISTEN, TAKE THIS!!!!" POW!!! Then we stop. Suddenly we tough guys and gals aren't so tough any more, and we develop a more humble attitude. I have a cousin who likes to say, "Live with no regrets." But at that point in our lives we are filled with regret that we didn't listen to that first small voice that was trying to treat us more gently and help us to avoid the pain and regret that comes from being stubborn and refusing to listen.
All I can do now is look at myself in the mirror and ask, "How many times do you have to go through this before you learn?" It's a question I don't know how to answer, because I know I've been through similar circumstances at least six times in the past, and I apparently haven't learned yet. Maybe there's something wrong with my brain. My friend David says, "You don't have to be crazy to be a runner, but it helps." Maybe that's what it is, because I know for a fact that I'm not the only runner who has this same problem. But what I have is just a running injury, a very painful one, but it's something that eventually will heal....I hope. But this needs to be a lesson for us with our bodies in general....consistent pain, even though it's not severe, needs to be checked out. It's telling us that something is wrong, and it will not continually tolerate being ignored. When it starts yelling at us, we'll wish we would've listened when it was being more polite.
I guess I think more like ol' Boudreaux. I know what happened last time, but I'm sure it'll be different this time. Yeah, right.
Preston
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCLXVII
Sometimes I wish I had an office to go to five days a week. You know, like what some people call a "real job." Be at work at eight. Go home at five. But then I'm sure many of you who already have what I'm wishing for think I'm the one who has it made. After all, the distance from my bedroom door to my office door is only about six feet. I could work in my pajamas if I wanted to. (Of course, if I'm gonna do that, I have to first get me some pajamas.) My office, however, is simply the place where I do my paperwork...if I want to make money, I have to get in my car and go see my clients, and those clients are scattered all over a three state area. What really bugs me is when I look at my watch and realize that it's four o'clock on a Friday afternoon and I still have a five hour drive ahead of me before I get home. I try not to let that happen too often.
This may sound a little strange, but the good thing about having somewhere to go for work is being able to go home at the end of the day. What makes it sound so strange is the person, who like me, has converted what used to be a spare bedroom into an office, is already home. He or she doesn't have to make a trip to get there. Here's the trouble: If your work is at home, then you're always at work...at least until you leave home. I guess there are advantages and disadvantages either way. When my kids were young and still living at home, I used to complain that the big advantage and the big disadvantage were one and the same. The disadvantage was the fact that the kids were constantly demanding my attention, making it hard to get my work done. The advantage was the fact that my kids were constantly demanding my attention, and I was there to give it to them. Naturally, I don't regret a single minute I spent with either one of them; it would be nice to be able to bring some of those days back.
Now, to get a little closer to the point I'm trying to make, let's talk about what home really is...at least what it should be. It's supposed to be a place of refuge, a place where a person can relax and unwind, and "recharge his batteries." If a person has an office at home where he spends most of his days, then he needs to have a set time that he walks out, closes his office door, and doesn't go back in until the next morning at his assigned time to get back to work. I have some co-workers who also have their offices at home, and I'm constantly getting calls and emails from them late at night--even late night calls on Saturdays and Sundays. (I don't answer those calls, incidentally.) If I get a business email on a Sunday morning, which is quite common, I've come to the conclusion that it can wait until Monday...just like what would happen if my office was somewhere else. Sometimes I wonder if all the modern technology we're so addicted to is really good for us. My iPhone is rarely out of my sight. I can hear it vibrating late at night when emails come in, and we've really reached the point in life where we're basically on call twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.
How many songs can you think of that have been written about home? "I Wanna Go Home." "Six Days on the Road and I'm Gonna Make it Home Tonight." And one of the saddest ones I can think of has a line that says, "It's too hot to fish, it's too hot for golf, and it's too cold at home." If that's the situation, then home is no longer that place of refuge that it's supposed to be, and something needs to be done pronto to fix that situation. A person has to have a place of peace and refuge, and if it can't be found at home, he will go somewhere else...anywhere else...to try to find it.
I've made some rules about what hours I will or will not be found working in my office. The trouble is, with an office that's just a few steps from any other room in my house, it's much too easy to break those rules. As a matter of fact, at the time I'm writing this, it's getting to be late at night, my wife is in the family room reading, and I'm sitting here in my office at my computer. Yes, we're in the same building, but considering the amount of time we're spending together, it's not that much different than if I would be in an office across town. It's time for me to practice what I'm preaching, so I'm about to turn out the light in this office, close the door, and "go home." It's only a few steps away. I need to at least get in there in time to tell my wife that I love her before she falls asleep in the recliner.
Preston
This may sound a little strange, but the good thing about having somewhere to go for work is being able to go home at the end of the day. What makes it sound so strange is the person, who like me, has converted what used to be a spare bedroom into an office, is already home. He or she doesn't have to make a trip to get there. Here's the trouble: If your work is at home, then you're always at work...at least until you leave home. I guess there are advantages and disadvantages either way. When my kids were young and still living at home, I used to complain that the big advantage and the big disadvantage were one and the same. The disadvantage was the fact that the kids were constantly demanding my attention, making it hard to get my work done. The advantage was the fact that my kids were constantly demanding my attention, and I was there to give it to them. Naturally, I don't regret a single minute I spent with either one of them; it would be nice to be able to bring some of those days back.
Now, to get a little closer to the point I'm trying to make, let's talk about what home really is...at least what it should be. It's supposed to be a place of refuge, a place where a person can relax and unwind, and "recharge his batteries." If a person has an office at home where he spends most of his days, then he needs to have a set time that he walks out, closes his office door, and doesn't go back in until the next morning at his assigned time to get back to work. I have some co-workers who also have their offices at home, and I'm constantly getting calls and emails from them late at night--even late night calls on Saturdays and Sundays. (I don't answer those calls, incidentally.) If I get a business email on a Sunday morning, which is quite common, I've come to the conclusion that it can wait until Monday...just like what would happen if my office was somewhere else. Sometimes I wonder if all the modern technology we're so addicted to is really good for us. My iPhone is rarely out of my sight. I can hear it vibrating late at night when emails come in, and we've really reached the point in life where we're basically on call twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.
How many songs can you think of that have been written about home? "I Wanna Go Home." "Six Days on the Road and I'm Gonna Make it Home Tonight." And one of the saddest ones I can think of has a line that says, "It's too hot to fish, it's too hot for golf, and it's too cold at home." If that's the situation, then home is no longer that place of refuge that it's supposed to be, and something needs to be done pronto to fix that situation. A person has to have a place of peace and refuge, and if it can't be found at home, he will go somewhere else...anywhere else...to try to find it.
I've made some rules about what hours I will or will not be found working in my office. The trouble is, with an office that's just a few steps from any other room in my house, it's much too easy to break those rules. As a matter of fact, at the time I'm writing this, it's getting to be late at night, my wife is in the family room reading, and I'm sitting here in my office at my computer. Yes, we're in the same building, but considering the amount of time we're spending together, it's not that much different than if I would be in an office across town. It's time for me to practice what I'm preaching, so I'm about to turn out the light in this office, close the door, and "go home." It's only a few steps away. I need to at least get in there in time to tell my wife that I love her before she falls asleep in the recliner.
Preston
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCLXVI
If you think my wife and I see eye to eye on every issue, then let me be the first to inform you that you are sadly mistaken. But, how can I explain that, after the pronouncement that was made over us more than thirty-eight years ago that the two of us would become one? We may need to take a look at what this "one flesh" thing means and just how far it goes. Whether or not you know it, men and women are different in more ways than what are visible to the eye. If you don't believe that, just ask someone who's been married for ten or fifteen.....minutes. We have a totally different view of the world. She and I can witness the same occurrence and yet after you've heard each of us describe what we saw, you may begin to wonder if we're talking about the same event. She sees from the woman's perspective and I see it the way a man would view it. Let's face it...regardless of what was said over us during our wedding ceremony, we are two completely different individuals.
So now that we've established the indisputable fact that we are separate beings, then how can we explain what the preacher meant when he said we would "become one?" Where did he come up with that phrase anyway? Is that something that he dreamed up out of the blue, or does he have a legitimate reason for inserting those words into our vows? It comes directly from the Bible (Mark 10:8). That leads me to use the same term for that phrase that I used earlier in this same paragraph...if it comes from the Holy Bible, then it too is "indisputable." So how can we make two seemingly contradictory statements and then label each one as indisputable? Please understand that I don't claim to be an expert on this subject, so what I say about it is strictly my opinion, and I'm about to share it with you now.
A person who will carelessly and without feeling or remorse cause injury or hardship to himself is abnormal...a freak. What about someone who would carelessly and thoughtlessly cause harm to his or her spouse? I believe the same description applies. According to the Bible, once we recite our wedding vows, two different individuals with differing opinions and sometimes opposite views of the world "become one." Therefore a major transformation has taken place. It's no longer just about me...someone else is a part of me and I'm a part of her. If I cause her harm or embarrassment, it's like I'm doing it to myself. When I make a decision, I have to consider its effect on her just like I consider how it will affect me. There are some questions that I need to constantly ask myself: Does my spouse find herself in difficult situations due to things I've said or done, and does she find herself in the awkward position of having to provide cover for my words or activities? Am I jealous of her successes? If my answer is yes, shame on me...I need to make some changes. We are not in competition with one another; we're supposed to be on the same team, equally yoked, pulling together. When she wins, I win; when she loses, I lose. Is there ever a situation where it's best for me to lie to my spouse? Let me answer that question with another question: Is it ever best for me to lie to myself?
When we stop to think about it, we discover that it's really a miracle that two human beings who may not have even known of the other one's existence until they were adults, can join together and become one, while at the same time, maintaining their own individuality. If we allow it to work the way it's supposed to, we'll find that in many areas where one is weak, the other is strong, resulting in a union that is stronger than the sum of their strengths. Of course, it's much easier to sit here and type theses words than it is to actually live them, but when we make the effort, the results can boggle the mind. The term "masochist" is used to describe an individual who enjoys inflicting pain on himself. When we consider the Biblical fact that "the two shall become one," it also stands to reason that we should use the same word to describe a person who would thoughtlessly do the same to his or her spouse, and maybe even sometime derive pleasure from doing so.
My wife is a better woman because of me; I'm a better man because of her. The two of us constantly pulling together, working as though we are one individual, ceaselessly cheering the other one on, striving for the same goals, is a formula that will bring us more victories than we ever deemed possible. It's what we call a "win-win situation." Both of us come out on top.
Preston
So now that we've established the indisputable fact that we are separate beings, then how can we explain what the preacher meant when he said we would "become one?" Where did he come up with that phrase anyway? Is that something that he dreamed up out of the blue, or does he have a legitimate reason for inserting those words into our vows? It comes directly from the Bible (Mark 10:8). That leads me to use the same term for that phrase that I used earlier in this same paragraph...if it comes from the Holy Bible, then it too is "indisputable." So how can we make two seemingly contradictory statements and then label each one as indisputable? Please understand that I don't claim to be an expert on this subject, so what I say about it is strictly my opinion, and I'm about to share it with you now.
A person who will carelessly and without feeling or remorse cause injury or hardship to himself is abnormal...a freak. What about someone who would carelessly and thoughtlessly cause harm to his or her spouse? I believe the same description applies. According to the Bible, once we recite our wedding vows, two different individuals with differing opinions and sometimes opposite views of the world "become one." Therefore a major transformation has taken place. It's no longer just about me...someone else is a part of me and I'm a part of her. If I cause her harm or embarrassment, it's like I'm doing it to myself. When I make a decision, I have to consider its effect on her just like I consider how it will affect me. There are some questions that I need to constantly ask myself: Does my spouse find herself in difficult situations due to things I've said or done, and does she find herself in the awkward position of having to provide cover for my words or activities? Am I jealous of her successes? If my answer is yes, shame on me...I need to make some changes. We are not in competition with one another; we're supposed to be on the same team, equally yoked, pulling together. When she wins, I win; when she loses, I lose. Is there ever a situation where it's best for me to lie to my spouse? Let me answer that question with another question: Is it ever best for me to lie to myself?
When we stop to think about it, we discover that it's really a miracle that two human beings who may not have even known of the other one's existence until they were adults, can join together and become one, while at the same time, maintaining their own individuality. If we allow it to work the way it's supposed to, we'll find that in many areas where one is weak, the other is strong, resulting in a union that is stronger than the sum of their strengths. Of course, it's much easier to sit here and type theses words than it is to actually live them, but when we make the effort, the results can boggle the mind. The term "masochist" is used to describe an individual who enjoys inflicting pain on himself. When we consider the Biblical fact that "the two shall become one," it also stands to reason that we should use the same word to describe a person who would thoughtlessly do the same to his or her spouse, and maybe even sometime derive pleasure from doing so.
My wife is a better woman because of me; I'm a better man because of her. The two of us constantly pulling together, working as though we are one individual, ceaselessly cheering the other one on, striving for the same goals, is a formula that will bring us more victories than we ever deemed possible. It's what we call a "win-win situation." Both of us come out on top.
Preston
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCLXV
About a year and a half ago, a beautiful young woman made an appearance into our extended family, and when I say "beautiful," I mean both inside and out. I recently had an opportunity to sit down and have a one on one conversation with her, and what I thought would be about a twenty minute visit turned into more than two hours. From previous visits and what I had heard, I knew a little about her life, but on this particular day, I heard first hand a more detailed account about all the events that had transpired that led her to becoming "one of us." She then told me that she had actually put it all down on paper, if I would like to read it. When I asked her, she graciously allowed me to share it with you, although it would have to be condensed somewhat to fit it in this blog. I just wanted everyone to hear first hand how even when we think we know what we want and what we need, God knows best, and if we'll let Him, He will show us the difference. Please note: This is divided into two chapters. Chapter 1 was written on December 3, 2008, and then Chapter 2 came in March, 2010. So now, let me introduce you to Heather Tibbs:
Preston
Chapter 1 "Living Without the Love of My Life" December 3, 2008
You never expect to be the one to get the call, and you never expect to have to live without the love of your life. Let me just start by saying that I planned on sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch with my husband in our old age. I guess I just thought that we would "go" together.
Well, I got that phone call, and it was the most horrible feeling I've ever experienced. My girls were in bed asleep and I was still up waiting on my husband to get home, when the call came that would change my life forever. I awakened my girls and we jumped into the car, only to come upon a wreck less than two miles from our house on a little country road. All we could see were flashing lights, his wrecked truck, and a sheet in the road covering a body. I wanted to run to him, but no one would let me. I knew he was gone, but they wouldn't actually say it. How could this have happened? He left this world without me. We were supposed to go together.
The sheriff took us back home. I ran to the laundry room to get any dirty clothes that he had worn. I wanted to smell his smell and I didn't want anyone to run into my house and start doing laundry. I knew that sometimes when someone dies, people will go to their houses and start cleaning up, just to help out, but I didn't want anyone to touch any of his things. Not long after we returned home, people started coming over and the Oklahoma Highway Patrol came and confirmed what we already knew.
How can the world go on when your world has been turned upside down? We went to town to make funeral arrangements, and people were going on about their business. Did they not know that I had just lost the most important thing in this world to me? Cars were still going up and down the road. People were shopping. It took me a while to realize that their world didn't stop....just mine.
I was 35 years old and a widow!! It just didn't seem fair. We had met and started dating when I was 16, a junior in high school. We dated three years and were married on June 30, 1989. We had been married almost 16 years when he went to be with the Lord. For months I counted the days that he had been gone, almost down to the minute that he drew his last breath. I hated the 7th of any month, because it marked the end of another month that he had been gone from us.
I've never kept a journal, but some friends gave me one, so I decided to start it up about a month after his death. The first entry was, "I have nothing to say." It didn't take long for me to start writing every day. I write it to him, and address him as "Babe"...that's what we called each other. I believe this is really helping me in my grieving process. I tell him everything that's happened during the day that I wish I could tell him in person. Some is good and some is bad. Some is happy and some is sad. I miss him so much and wish he was here with me to see our girls growing up to be beautiful young women.
It's been 3 years now, and I still miss him. I wish he could come into the kitchen and give me a little squeeze and pick at the food I'm cooking. I miss that "I love you" out of the blue. I miss making him coffee in the morning and packing his lunch. I miss scratching his head like I did when he would lay his head in my lap and sleep. It's those little things that I miss most.
I used to get so mad when people would want to "fix me up." How dare they? I just lost the love of my life and you think I want someone else. I think it's wonderful when people find love again, but that's not for me! I have learned, however, not to get mad when people want to fix me up, and I now just take it as a compliment and go on.
Then there were all the firsts: the first birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines Day, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Easter, and the first anniversary of his death. I thought after I made it through that first year, it would get easier....but it didn't. It's just getting worse.
I finally decided to change the sheets on our bed after about a year. (I had been sleeping on the couch.) I couldn't wash them because they had his smell on them too. When I went to pack them up, they had chocolate on them. We had been eating chocolate bunnies in bed on the Sunday afternoon before he died.
People comment on how well I've handled things, but I wasn't given a choice. It was all God's grace...I can't take any credit myself.
So just who is this, the love of my life? His name is Joe Richard Tibbs. He was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma on August 16, 1969. He was a hard worker, driving big trucks and heavy equipment. He helped me bring two beautiful girls into the world: Samantha Jo and Sara LaDawn. They are just nine months apart. Yes, he was the love of my life, but he was so much more than that. He was my husband, my best friend, my girls' daddy, and my love all at the same time. He was my other half. Now, instead of us being whole, I feel like I'm a half again. I prayed immediately that God would take any feelings of wanting another man from me. I've never wanted anyone to try to take his place. No one can, because I feel like I'm still married.
I try to look at the positive. I've learned to do so many things for myself, like changing the blades on the lawn mower, and I've learned to "weed-eat." With God's help, I can do all things and do them well. The best part is, I have grown close to God during all of this. I wish Joe could see me now, because I feel like I'm a much better person than I used to be. I know someday in Heaven, I'll see him again.
Chapter 2 "Moving On!!!!" March 2010
Oh my! I didn't think this day would ever come. I didn't even want it to. In fact, I prayed that it would never happen, but God knows far more than I do, and I'm thankful for that. As I've told you before, people would ask when am I going to move on. I felt as though I HAD moved on. Well, now I'm finally moving on according to the world.
I had to go through four and a half years of heartache to get to this point. I had decided that I was okay with being alone for the rest of my life. This last June, one of Joe's friends whom I hadn't seen since the funeral, called and said he was getting a divorce. I thought he had called me needing a friend, but when he asked me out to dinner, my girls said, "Momma, he's taking you on a date!" That night was so difficult. I decided if I was going to go on a date, I would need to take my wedding ring off. It had never been off in the entire four and a half years. I cried all the way to meet him. All I could do was look at him and wish he was Joe. It broke my heart. We had dinner a couple of times, but I knew in my heart that nothing would ever come of this relationship. We finally just quit texting, and I began to wonder, "Can I ever find love again?"
Can you imagine trying to get used to someone different after loving only one man for the last 20 years? Trying to date at almost 40! What was I thinking? So I came to the conclusion that I was just fine on my own.
Then it happened!! September 17, 2009 God allowed the most wonderful man ever to walk into my life. He is everything I could have ever wanted. I didn't know there was a man out in the world like him.
If you will be patient and wait upon the Lord, you will get His best. I was waiting on the Lord and didn't even realize it. He has sent me His best. I didn't go looking for him, but God brought him to me.
After reading Chapter one, you probably think that Chapter two is a contradiction. All it does is show how God can change your heart in ways you never felt possible. I don't keep my journal any more, but I do feel like it was an important tool in my healing process. I'm coming up on the fifth anniversary of Joe being gone. I am happier now than I've ever been in my life. How blessed I am that God has allowed me to find love again!!!!!!!
Heather
Preston
Chapter 1 "Living Without the Love of My Life" December 3, 2008
You never expect to be the one to get the call, and you never expect to have to live without the love of your life. Let me just start by saying that I planned on sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch with my husband in our old age. I guess I just thought that we would "go" together.
Well, I got that phone call, and it was the most horrible feeling I've ever experienced. My girls were in bed asleep and I was still up waiting on my husband to get home, when the call came that would change my life forever. I awakened my girls and we jumped into the car, only to come upon a wreck less than two miles from our house on a little country road. All we could see were flashing lights, his wrecked truck, and a sheet in the road covering a body. I wanted to run to him, but no one would let me. I knew he was gone, but they wouldn't actually say it. How could this have happened? He left this world without me. We were supposed to go together.
The sheriff took us back home. I ran to the laundry room to get any dirty clothes that he had worn. I wanted to smell his smell and I didn't want anyone to run into my house and start doing laundry. I knew that sometimes when someone dies, people will go to their houses and start cleaning up, just to help out, but I didn't want anyone to touch any of his things. Not long after we returned home, people started coming over and the Oklahoma Highway Patrol came and confirmed what we already knew.
How can the world go on when your world has been turned upside down? We went to town to make funeral arrangements, and people were going on about their business. Did they not know that I had just lost the most important thing in this world to me? Cars were still going up and down the road. People were shopping. It took me a while to realize that their world didn't stop....just mine.
I was 35 years old and a widow!! It just didn't seem fair. We had met and started dating when I was 16, a junior in high school. We dated three years and were married on June 30, 1989. We had been married almost 16 years when he went to be with the Lord. For months I counted the days that he had been gone, almost down to the minute that he drew his last breath. I hated the 7th of any month, because it marked the end of another month that he had been gone from us.
I've never kept a journal, but some friends gave me one, so I decided to start it up about a month after his death. The first entry was, "I have nothing to say." It didn't take long for me to start writing every day. I write it to him, and address him as "Babe"...that's what we called each other. I believe this is really helping me in my grieving process. I tell him everything that's happened during the day that I wish I could tell him in person. Some is good and some is bad. Some is happy and some is sad. I miss him so much and wish he was here with me to see our girls growing up to be beautiful young women.
It's been 3 years now, and I still miss him. I wish he could come into the kitchen and give me a little squeeze and pick at the food I'm cooking. I miss that "I love you" out of the blue. I miss making him coffee in the morning and packing his lunch. I miss scratching his head like I did when he would lay his head in my lap and sleep. It's those little things that I miss most.
I used to get so mad when people would want to "fix me up." How dare they? I just lost the love of my life and you think I want someone else. I think it's wonderful when people find love again, but that's not for me! I have learned, however, not to get mad when people want to fix me up, and I now just take it as a compliment and go on.
Then there were all the firsts: the first birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines Day, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Easter, and the first anniversary of his death. I thought after I made it through that first year, it would get easier....but it didn't. It's just getting worse.
I finally decided to change the sheets on our bed after about a year. (I had been sleeping on the couch.) I couldn't wash them because they had his smell on them too. When I went to pack them up, they had chocolate on them. We had been eating chocolate bunnies in bed on the Sunday afternoon before he died.
People comment on how well I've handled things, but I wasn't given a choice. It was all God's grace...I can't take any credit myself.
So just who is this, the love of my life? His name is Joe Richard Tibbs. He was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma on August 16, 1969. He was a hard worker, driving big trucks and heavy equipment. He helped me bring two beautiful girls into the world: Samantha Jo and Sara LaDawn. They are just nine months apart. Yes, he was the love of my life, but he was so much more than that. He was my husband, my best friend, my girls' daddy, and my love all at the same time. He was my other half. Now, instead of us being whole, I feel like I'm a half again. I prayed immediately that God would take any feelings of wanting another man from me. I've never wanted anyone to try to take his place. No one can, because I feel like I'm still married.
I try to look at the positive. I've learned to do so many things for myself, like changing the blades on the lawn mower, and I've learned to "weed-eat." With God's help, I can do all things and do them well. The best part is, I have grown close to God during all of this. I wish Joe could see me now, because I feel like I'm a much better person than I used to be. I know someday in Heaven, I'll see him again.
Chapter 2 "Moving On!!!!" March 2010
Oh my! I didn't think this day would ever come. I didn't even want it to. In fact, I prayed that it would never happen, but God knows far more than I do, and I'm thankful for that. As I've told you before, people would ask when am I going to move on. I felt as though I HAD moved on. Well, now I'm finally moving on according to the world.
I had to go through four and a half years of heartache to get to this point. I had decided that I was okay with being alone for the rest of my life. This last June, one of Joe's friends whom I hadn't seen since the funeral, called and said he was getting a divorce. I thought he had called me needing a friend, but when he asked me out to dinner, my girls said, "Momma, he's taking you on a date!" That night was so difficult. I decided if I was going to go on a date, I would need to take my wedding ring off. It had never been off in the entire four and a half years. I cried all the way to meet him. All I could do was look at him and wish he was Joe. It broke my heart. We had dinner a couple of times, but I knew in my heart that nothing would ever come of this relationship. We finally just quit texting, and I began to wonder, "Can I ever find love again?"
Can you imagine trying to get used to someone different after loving only one man for the last 20 years? Trying to date at almost 40! What was I thinking? So I came to the conclusion that I was just fine on my own.
Then it happened!! September 17, 2009 God allowed the most wonderful man ever to walk into my life. He is everything I could have ever wanted. I didn't know there was a man out in the world like him.
If you will be patient and wait upon the Lord, you will get His best. I was waiting on the Lord and didn't even realize it. He has sent me His best. I didn't go looking for him, but God brought him to me.
After reading Chapter one, you probably think that Chapter two is a contradiction. All it does is show how God can change your heart in ways you never felt possible. I don't keep my journal any more, but I do feel like it was an important tool in my healing process. I'm coming up on the fifth anniversary of Joe being gone. I am happier now than I've ever been in my life. How blessed I am that God has allowed me to find love again!!!!!!!
Heather
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