Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLXXVIII

Words are mere sounds emitted from the mouth of an individual, and are totally meaningless, having no power within themselves. Words are potent, with the potential of being able to permanently transform a person's life, both for good or bad. Words can fall flat, having no impact on anyone, never to be remembered again by either the speaker or the hearer. Words can build up or destroy, remaining in the consciousness of a person until he or she enters the grave. Words can produce illness, yet words can heal. Words can cause a person to lose his way. Words can direct a person back to the right path. Words can agree, and words can contradict. In fact, the words you've just read in this paragraph all seem to be contradictory to other words I've written, some even in the same sentence, yet there is truth in basically everything I've said. How can words be so diametrically opposed, yet all be true? Could some of it have to do with the person who is speaking those words? Some words carry weight no matter who it is that utters them. For example, hurtful, destructive words will be harmful coming from anyone. Other words may carry no weight at all if the speaker is a person who has a reputation of not living up to his promises or his claims of self greatness. There are two words we should take a look at while we're on this topic. They're what we know as adjectives, and one or the other of them can be used to describe every individual, and when they're properly used, they will give an indication of how much weight the words of that person may carry. Those words are "reliable" and "unreliable." As I think about those descriptions, I have to wonder which one describes me. "Don't worry, I'll take care of that for you." "Yes, I'll be ready for you to pick me up at 6:00 o'clock." I'll put you a check in the mail today." "I'll be praying for you." "Your secret is safe with me." "Okay, good, I'll see you in the morning." Those are just a few examples of words that either we can put in the bank, or they're completely hollow. It all depends on which of those two adjectives describes the person doing the talking....reliable or unreliable. If I make any of those statements, I sure hope they don't have that hollow, flat sound; instead, I want them to be trusted. Also, I want to arrange my words so they build, and do not destroy. In a conversation with my brother a few days ago, he quoted a little rule of thumb that really made sense: "Never say never, and always avoid always." Here's an example: If I say to my child, "You were supposed to clean your room, and you didn't do it," I am addressing a behavioral issue that needs to be corrected. However, if I say, "You never do what you're supposed to do," I'm attacking and low-rating him as a person, and he will end up with low self esteem as a result. And speaking of kids, if we make a promise to them and don't follow through, our words will become empty even in the eyes of our own children. Do my words carry weight? The answer to that question is completely up to me, and if they don't, I can fix it, although it may take a while to repair my faulty reputation. You see, reputations can be destroyed much faster than they can be rebuilt. Recently I was reading in the most reliable book ever written, and it promised us that we will be held accountable for every idle word. (Matthew 12:36) That tells me we should think before we speak, and we should say what we mean and mean what we say. I pray that my words be a positive force in my world. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLXXVII

I've heard it said if nobody sees you eating it, it won't make you fat. Really? If that be the case, I should probably eat every meal in secret until I lose a few pounds, and from that point on, only eat lettuce and tuna in public. Sure, I know the person who said that was just kidding, but do we sometimes actually believe in that principle? No, I don't sneak around to eat anything, although I know a few people who do, and it shows. No doubt each one of us would be quick to say we really don't believe that statement, but how many of us apply that same logic to other areas of our lives? It's like we're saying, "I know this could be harmful to me, so I'm gonna make sure no one ever knows what I'm doing." This is not the first time I've used this analogy, but how many of you remember the book and the outdoor drama in Branson, Missouri called "Shepherd of the Hills?" Sammie Lane was a beautiful young woman whose primary goal in life was to be a "sure enough lady." She looked at Old Matt as a sure enough gentleman, and Aunt Molly as a sure enough lady, and she did her best to mimic their lifestyles. How does one qualify to bear the title as a sure enough gentleman or a sure enough lady? Let's take a look at some of the qualities required for that honor. Looking at a sure enough gentleman or lady, we'll see honesty, integrity, reliability, trustworthiness, selflessness, and the one I want to zero in on today, genuineness. That means if I'm a sure enough gentleman, the man you see is who I am, even when I'm alone. If I'm a different individual when I'm around my co-workers or the guys in the hunting club than I am when I'm with my friends from church, then I'm not genuine and don't qualify as a sure enough gentleman. If I have a secret life no one else knows about, I'm not genuine. Instead, I'm what's known as a hypocrite, and the problem with my hypocrisy is eventually others will begin to figure out the real me. I wish I could say I've always lived up to the principles of a sure enough gentleman, yet there have been times when I've had some secrets I didn't want exposed, but the good thing about it is, even if I'm falling short today, it's never too late to make an about face and actually become the man I pretend to be. You see, if I only eat lettuce and tuna in public, but I'm secretly eating cake and ice cream every night just before going to bed, it WILL make me fat, and others will notice. If you and I are hypocrites, people will figure it out. If we're "sure enough" ladies and gentlemen, they'll figure that out too. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLXXVI

If a person accidentally kills another human being, chances are, he will still have to pay for his actions, even though it was strictly unintentional. Those rules go way back, even to biblical times, but back then, there was a way of escape. Here's an example of what I mean: Let's say a man was chopping down a tree with an ax, and the ax head flew off the handle, striking another man, killing him. A family member of the victim could then legally seek and carry out revenge for the death of his loved one. There was only one thing the man with the ax could do to spare his own life. Certain cities were designated as "Cities of Refuge," and he could flee to one of those cities and be safe, as long as he stayed in that city. As you can imagine, he could never totally relax and rest his mind until he reached that "place of refuge." If he left, he was vulnerable until he was back inside his city of refuge. It was the responsibility of the city leaders to make sure their city lived up to its name and reputation as a place of refuge. If they were neglectful in that duty, as you can imagine, the man who fled there would never be able to get a good night's sleep, or realize any peace of mind. The perpetual stress would likely shorten his life, even if he was never discovered by the victim's family. Hopefully neither you nor I will ever have to deal with the stress that accompanies the accidental killing of another person, but we face stress every time we walk out our doors. Any time we have to deal with the general public, we become vulnerable to conflict, to being cheated, or even being physically harmed, all at the hands of other people. What we need is a "place of refuge." Here's good news: There is such a place. It's called "Home." Unfortunately, too many of us have become neglectful in making sure our homes live up to that standard. We have allowed the stresses of the outside world to follow us right on inside our very homes, compromising the integrity of our only places of refuge. We allow conflict, even with other members of our families, to infiltrate the only place we can go to feel safe. We bring our work home with us, by way of cell phones and computers, causing our peace of mind to become infested with stress bugs, and just so you'll know, stress bugs and peace of mind cannot coexist. As in the old days when the city leaders had the responsibility of seeing to it that their "City of Refuge" lived up to its name, it is the duty of the leaders of our homes to do the same for our places of refuge. We must re-enforce our boundaries. As leader of my home, I now commit to that pledge. Conflict, you are not welcome within these borders. Stress from work, you can just sleep outside my door at night....I'm sure I'll pick you back up as soon as I step outside in the morning. All you other stress bugs, I have a big can of bug spray, and I'll attack you as soon as you creep in. My home is a "City of Refuge," and it's going to stay that way. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLXXV

The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon. Little boy blue and the man in the moon. When you comin' home Dad? I don't know when, But we'll get together then, Son. You know we'll have a good time then. A text from my daughter about three weeks ago sent my mind into a whirl, and I haven't been able to get away from it. She sent it to her mom and me. She was asking if we used to set aside specific times that we designated as "Family Time" when they were small. Angie and I didn't word our responses exactly alike, but our answers were basically the same: No. We didn't do that. We didn't have to. We lived simpler lives. We ate most of our meals at home. We didn't have computers or cell phones, which meant that when we got off work in the evening, we were off. The kids weren't in sports or dance. Family time just happened. Since that text, I've been giving that topic some thought. What has happened? What has changed? Well, I guess we could start with the things I mentioned above that I said we either didn't yet have or just didn't do. There's not a thing wrong with anything I talked about. It's good for kids to play sports. It's fine to eat out sometime. We've reached the point where we can't function in today's world without a cell phone and computer. No, there's nothing wrong with any of it, but we can make it wrong if we don't control it. Actually, I think there's more to it than just computers, cell phones, etc. It's almost like it's cool to be so busy. We feel like if we're not constantly running here and there, we must be from a lower rung of society. Many of you will recall the words from the Veggie Tales song: I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy. You've no idea what I have to do. Busy, busy, shockingly busy. Much, much too busy for you. When we're busy, we want to make sure everyone knows just how busy we are. I also believe we're living in a society that's much more affluent than it was a generation ago, making it easier for us to get ourselves and our kids involved in things that steal the quality time we could be spending with our families. We fill up our lives doing good things, but we can get too much of a good thing. There's always some well meaning person wanting us to help them with their charitable causes, and we feel guilty if we say no. We can even allow church activities to take away some of the time our families need so desperately. I've often heard it said that if you need help getting things done, ask a busy person....they're more likely to help. But does it help that busy person? Whatever one generation tolerates, the next generation will embrace and take one step further. If we think our lives are busy now, wait till our kids grow up and see what kind of lives they live. Our kids want to be like us, and they will be. "Like father, like son." I started this article with the chorus to a song by Harry Chapin. I will close with the last chorus from that same song. Notice the difference in the wording of the last chorus: The cats in the cradle and the silver spoon. Little boy blue and the man in the moon. When you comin' home Son? I don't know when, But get together then, Dad. You know we'll have a good time then. Preston