From time to time someone will say some mean, hurtful things to me, and I almost always just stand there and take it without saying a word in my own defense. I'm not sure what their intentions are and why they feel that they have to low rate me to my face. Are they just not thinking or do they really want to make me feel bad? It's not that it happens all that often, except for this one guy in particular, who has now pushed me to the point to where I've finally decided that I'm not gonna take it any more. It's time to shut him up and put an end to this nonsense.
In a couple of previous blogs, I have talked about the difference between over-reactors and under-reactors, and like I said, I place myself firmly in the camp of the under-reactors. When I tell you some of the things he has said to me, some of you who fall into the other category...the over-reactors...may want to rush to my defense and bring this guy down a button hole or two. I'm asking you not to do that. I feel that this is a situation I can handle on my own, but if I decide that's it's too much for me to deal with, you'll be the first to know. One of the reasons I'm even mentioning it to you in the first place is that by writing this, I'm taking the first step in taking control of the situation; and the second reason is in case you ever have to deal with the same type of circumstance, you may be able to use my experience as a learning exercise.
Before I go any further, I must admit that this same guy has said a lot of nice things to me as well. But isn't it strange how someone can say kind words to us everyday, yet if they say one word that's hurtful, that's what we are most likely to remember? However, this one individual has said so many mean things to me, there is no way that I can recall even half of them, not to mention the complimentary things he's said. Let me give you a small sample of just a few of the adjectives he's used to describe me: lazy, fat, ugly, stupid, clueless, etc. He told me I was a terrible singer. He told me I was such an awful runner that I should give it up. Once he said that if I had any talent, I've sure kept it hidden from him, because he's never seen it. One time he even called me a fake. But what can I say to someone who says all these spiteful words to me, yet when I look at him, he's better in every one of those categories than what he said I was? Well, that leads me to my next question....what kind of person would say such mean things to someone in the first place? I'd love to tell you that I would never say anything like that, but I'd be lying. Because, you see, the person who said all those nasty things to me was....me. I said them to myself.
Those were words I would never say to someone else, yet I said them to myself. I respect each of you enough that I don't want to ever hurt you, but what about my own self respect? Yes, I'm aware that sometime we have to have a little reality check, but there's a difference in looking for ways to improve and being downright rude. The names I called myself are names I wouldn't call my worst enemy, and I love me, so if I don't want to be the type of person who is abusive to the one I love the most, then I have to start treating myself more kindly and with more respect; because if I continue to call myself bad names, I'll eventually become what I tell myself I am.
Now do you see why I didn't want you to be too quick to jump on the person who was being so rude to me?
Preston
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCLIV
If a person's wealth was measured by the number of good friends he has, I think I'd have to be on the list of the richest men in America. And the good thing about friends, you can share them with others and yet your total net worth doesn't decrease at all. You can "share your wealth," and you're still just as wealthy as you were before. Today I'm going to put that theory into practice. I want to share one of my good friends with you...that way, she can be your friend, too. Let me tell you just a little bit about her. She's the type of person that when you look at her, you think, "Now here's a person who has it all together." She's a gorgeous twenty-nine year old with a great husband, two beautiful kids (one boy and one girl), a promising career, and an athletic ability that is hard to match. (Two weeks ago when we ran the Mobile Marathon, she finished the 26.2 mile run in just over 4 hours and 4 minutes.) But the main reason I want to introduce her to you today is because of one other asset that she possesses: She is what we often refer to as "a strong woman." She doesn't let a "slap in the face" get her down, and when she tripped and fell, both literally and figuratively, she found a way to get back up again.
Rather than you hearing it from me, it will be best if you can hear from her in her own words, so let me introduce her to you, and I'll step aside and let her tell you her story. Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce to you, my good friend, Amber Zambie.
Preston
If I could send a note to myself three years ago, it would say:
Dear Amber- Please slow down and enjoy your life more. Be kinder to yourself; it's your running on fumes and controlling personality that got you here. Seek friends and hobbies...and God. Healing will come when you are gentle to yourself and when you give it all over to Him. Love, You.
My 25th year was hard. It wasn't any harder than anyone else's life and certainly not the worst. But in my eyes at the time, it was rough. I remember being extremely mad at my parents for not preparing me for this part of my life. I was having chronic headaches, low, I mean, NO energy to play with my kids or do anything else...and miserable from all of the above. As a Type- A personality, this was horrible for my schedule. There wasn't time for it. By the end of summer, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and died five days later. This was another thing I wasn't prepared for in life and it hit me hard. I really think this was the final straw.
Two weeks after my 26th birthday, I woke up with a silly foot. A foot that made me fall a lot and refused to wear heels! I waited to see my orthopedist because I seriously thought it was another one of my crazy issues that would pass on its own. He said it was real and referred me to a neurologist. Within three months, I was weak all over and couldn't walk on my own. I didn't use a walker or a cane because I didn't know what was wrong and wasn't resorting to aid yet. There were walls for that or husband or parents...not walkers. The final diagnosis came after a slew of tests and a trip to UAB (Univeristy of Alabama at Birmingham). Multiple Sclerosis: a demyelating disease that attacks your central nervous system. (Explains why my parents didn't tell me I would be miserable--they didn't know.)
As I'm writing this, it has been exactly three years since the funky foot. I no longer have any symptoms of my MS. I run marathons, adventure race with my husband and play harder than ever with my babies. I am so grateful for God's grace. I know I was far away from Him during this time in my life, yet He was right there beside me during it all. I don't understand why we have to go through these things but He got my attention. I would never ask for Him to take this experience away. My life and my family are different because of what we all experienced during this time. I do have to remind myself daily to slow down. It's my nature to fill the schedule. God made me that way too. I have learned to love myself. To appreciate the small things I am able to do and to do my best at them. Some of the things that seemed so important then, things that literally made me sick, are so small now. We only get one life on earth; I hope I learn as much as He wants me to know.
Amber
Rather than you hearing it from me, it will be best if you can hear from her in her own words, so let me introduce her to you, and I'll step aside and let her tell you her story. Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce to you, my good friend, Amber Zambie.
Preston
If I could send a note to myself three years ago, it would say:
Dear Amber- Please slow down and enjoy your life more. Be kinder to yourself; it's your running on fumes and controlling personality that got you here. Seek friends and hobbies...and God. Healing will come when you are gentle to yourself and when you give it all over to Him. Love, You.
My 25th year was hard. It wasn't any harder than anyone else's life and certainly not the worst. But in my eyes at the time, it was rough. I remember being extremely mad at my parents for not preparing me for this part of my life. I was having chronic headaches, low, I mean, NO energy to play with my kids or do anything else...and miserable from all of the above. As a Type- A personality, this was horrible for my schedule. There wasn't time for it. By the end of summer, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and died five days later. This was another thing I wasn't prepared for in life and it hit me hard. I really think this was the final straw.
Two weeks after my 26th birthday, I woke up with a silly foot. A foot that made me fall a lot and refused to wear heels! I waited to see my orthopedist because I seriously thought it was another one of my crazy issues that would pass on its own. He said it was real and referred me to a neurologist. Within three months, I was weak all over and couldn't walk on my own. I didn't use a walker or a cane because I didn't know what was wrong and wasn't resorting to aid yet. There were walls for that or husband or parents...not walkers. The final diagnosis came after a slew of tests and a trip to UAB (Univeristy of Alabama at Birmingham). Multiple Sclerosis: a demyelating disease that attacks your central nervous system. (Explains why my parents didn't tell me I would be miserable--they didn't know.)
As I'm writing this, it has been exactly three years since the funky foot. I no longer have any symptoms of my MS. I run marathons, adventure race with my husband and play harder than ever with my babies. I am so grateful for God's grace. I know I was far away from Him during this time in my life, yet He was right there beside me during it all. I don't understand why we have to go through these things but He got my attention. I would never ask for Him to take this experience away. My life and my family are different because of what we all experienced during this time. I do have to remind myself daily to slow down. It's my nature to fill the schedule. God made me that way too. I have learned to love myself. To appreciate the small things I am able to do and to do my best at them. Some of the things that seemed so important then, things that literally made me sick, are so small now. We only get one life on earth; I hope I learn as much as He wants me to know.
Amber
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCLIII
Today I'm calling names. I want you to know who these people are. But first let me go back and give you a little background that began to channel my mind in this direction. It was a thought that popped into my brain for just an instant before I flushed it, due to its absurdity. If I think about something that immediately sets off alarms that it is too unbelievable to be true, I try to push it out of my mind and get myself back on track with reality, just as I did in this case. But then it came back. So I pushed it out again, but I soon realized that it wasn't going to leave that easily. Like I've told you before, I want to know the truth, whatever it is, so I decided to give this thought some time and attention and see if maybe there was something to it, regardless of how absurd it may seem. When I log in to the internet with our laptop at home, it automatically goes to Yahoo news, and practically everyday, there is something about some famous movie star, singer, or athlete who is now in a new relationship for the 39th time, or who has just split off with some other celebrity, ending a relationship that has been in existence for more than two years. (Apparently two years is almost an eternity to some of these people.) Here is the "absurd" thought that popped into my mind when I saw this: "Obviously, some people must care about that kind of news." As strange as it may seem, after giving it some careful study, I concluded that since these news organizations want to print stories that people want to read, that thought I had must have some merit. Why? That's beyond me. But then the thought crossed my mind that God cares what goes on in their lives, but He doesn't care any more about them than He does Bill and Emma Williams of Peoria, if there is a couple there by that name.
The fact is, Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitt have had no impact on my life whatsoever, so why should I devote so much of my attention to their lives when there are so many people who HAVE had a major impact on who I am and what I have become. That now takes my mind back to where it should be, and it brings a smile to my face as I begin to picture the faces of those who are my real heroes. For example, there's Docia Duke, my first grade teacher...the one person who taught me how to read and write. I'm sure Mrs. Duke has been dead for many years now, but her influence is still very much alive in me. All of my school teachers played important roles in my life, but there are some names that seem to stand out more than others. Mabel Hanes, my fifth grade teacher is one of those people that I'll never forget as long as I live, and though it's impossible for me to let her know now, I hope that when she was my teacher, she may have had some foreknowledge of how much I would look back and appreciate her in the future.
The most outstanding influences in my life are not confined simply to school, however. I would be remiss if I left out my teachers and leaders from my church. The first name that comes to my mind is Penta Collins. We knew her as Sister Penny. A big part of who I am is due to the influence she had on me in my formative years. Two other teachers that I have to mention are Edith Bailey and Earl Francis. What would I have become without them? And there's no way that I can depart without mentioning the name, LC Coon, our youth leader during much of my childhood and early teen years. There's one incident involving him that I have to tell you about...something that no one else could possibly remember, but something that I've thought about many times since then. I was very young, barely old enough to be considered part of the youth group, and he was conducting a bible quiz competition at church. When it was my turn, I nervously stood up and faced the crowd, realizing that every eye in the building was on me. The question started out by giving a general overview of the Book of Ecclesiastes, and then came the question: "Spell Ecclesiastes." My heart sank. I tried to picture the word in my mind, and spell it out one letter at a time according to how it sounded. The smile on LC's face when he told me I had answered correctly and the immediate round of applause from the audience gave me a feeling that will stay with me the rest of my life.
It goes without saying what kind of impact that my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles had on me, basically giving me the training to make it in life on my own as an adult. Also, I'm not saying that I don't appreciate the talent that I see portrayed from some of the celebrities that I have mentioned. Right now, my favorite quarterback is Drew Brees, but there are a lot of names, like the ones that I just mentioned, who have had much more of an influence on me than he has. It's an old worn out cliché, but please allow me to say one more time, "I want to give credit where credit is due." The heroes that I just mentioned above are people that some of you know, and many of you do not. It does me good to go back and remember them from time to time, and place them in their proper places of prominence in my mind. They're the people who really matter. Have you gone back and made a list of the real heroes who have had the most positive impact on who you are? It'll do you good.
Preston
The fact is, Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitt have had no impact on my life whatsoever, so why should I devote so much of my attention to their lives when there are so many people who HAVE had a major impact on who I am and what I have become. That now takes my mind back to where it should be, and it brings a smile to my face as I begin to picture the faces of those who are my real heroes. For example, there's Docia Duke, my first grade teacher...the one person who taught me how to read and write. I'm sure Mrs. Duke has been dead for many years now, but her influence is still very much alive in me. All of my school teachers played important roles in my life, but there are some names that seem to stand out more than others. Mabel Hanes, my fifth grade teacher is one of those people that I'll never forget as long as I live, and though it's impossible for me to let her know now, I hope that when she was my teacher, she may have had some foreknowledge of how much I would look back and appreciate her in the future.
The most outstanding influences in my life are not confined simply to school, however. I would be remiss if I left out my teachers and leaders from my church. The first name that comes to my mind is Penta Collins. We knew her as Sister Penny. A big part of who I am is due to the influence she had on me in my formative years. Two other teachers that I have to mention are Edith Bailey and Earl Francis. What would I have become without them? And there's no way that I can depart without mentioning the name, LC Coon, our youth leader during much of my childhood and early teen years. There's one incident involving him that I have to tell you about...something that no one else could possibly remember, but something that I've thought about many times since then. I was very young, barely old enough to be considered part of the youth group, and he was conducting a bible quiz competition at church. When it was my turn, I nervously stood up and faced the crowd, realizing that every eye in the building was on me. The question started out by giving a general overview of the Book of Ecclesiastes, and then came the question: "Spell Ecclesiastes." My heart sank. I tried to picture the word in my mind, and spell it out one letter at a time according to how it sounded. The smile on LC's face when he told me I had answered correctly and the immediate round of applause from the audience gave me a feeling that will stay with me the rest of my life.
It goes without saying what kind of impact that my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles had on me, basically giving me the training to make it in life on my own as an adult. Also, I'm not saying that I don't appreciate the talent that I see portrayed from some of the celebrities that I have mentioned. Right now, my favorite quarterback is Drew Brees, but there are a lot of names, like the ones that I just mentioned, who have had much more of an influence on me than he has. It's an old worn out cliché, but please allow me to say one more time, "I want to give credit where credit is due." The heroes that I just mentioned above are people that some of you know, and many of you do not. It does me good to go back and remember them from time to time, and place them in their proper places of prominence in my mind. They're the people who really matter. Have you gone back and made a list of the real heroes who have had the most positive impact on who you are? It'll do you good.
Preston
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCLII
If we were looking for a beautiful day...the kind where everyone longs to spend as much time as possible outdoors...this was not the day we were looking for. The temperature was somewhere in the high thirties, there was a hard wind blowing in from the north, and it was raining cats and dogs. Our running group was just getting into the tough part of our marathon training, and we had a seventeen mile run scheduled for that day. Since we never know what kind of day we will be facing when get to the actual marathon, we made a rule, one that we still follow to this day, that we will train in whatever kind of weather we face as long as there is no lightning or hail. And, believe it or not, some of our best training runs seem to come on days just like this one. On this day, somewhere around mile twelve, our route took us past a golf course. When we ran past the third green, which was probably no more than twenty feet to our right, there was a golfer who was in the process of making his chip shot up onto the green. When he looked over and saw us run by, he made some snide remarks about people who would get out and run on such a day. We just smiled and waved, all the while thinking that if there was a crazy person in this scene, it was the golfer...not the runners. We were dressed appropriately and we had our blood pumping, so we really were not cold at all.
That's just one example of countless comments we've heard in the last several years about our running in what some may describe as less than ideal conditions. I guess it all boils down to perspective. Some of the same people who are so vocal about how stupid we are for running in such adverse conditions will go to a deer stand or duck blind and sit practically motionless for several hours in the same kind of weather. The point is, people do what they want to do, and if they want it badly enough, they won't let any type of adverse circumstances stand in their way. There is one question, however, that's not quite so easily answered: Why do we do it? Why do hunters, golfers and runners brave the cold wind and rain to pursue their interests? Why do shoppers head to the mall in droves on the day after Thanksgiving? Since I'm the runner, I'll explore this from the runner's perspective.
I can easily answer the question of why I started running. I was about sixty pounds overweight. Something had to be done, and running was the avenue that I chose. But then the running bug got in my blood, and I haven't been the same since. We now run marathons. As a reminder for those who may not remember, or for those who don't know, a marathon is 26.2 miles. The next time you leave to go on a road trip, check the mileage on your car when you leave home and make note of how far down the road you are when you hit the 26.2 mile mark. It's a long way. It's a distance I've run ten times so far, and most times when I go that distance, when I finish, some part of my body is bleeding...usually one of my toes, my skin is chaffed, and I'm hurting in places I forgot I had. I actually consider running a marathon fun...for the first 18 miles, but at that point, there's another 8.2 miles left to go. And as far as the weather, I'll take the cold wind and rain any day over a day that's hot and humid, and in our part of the country, we have more of those hot, humid days than any other. So why do I do it? The honest answer is "I don't know." Maybe the challenge of it is something that I find hard to resist. Maybe it's the camaraderie with my fellow runners. Maybe it's because I'm doing something with a degree of difficulty that keeps the average person away, putting me in somewhat of an elite group. Maybe it's the thought that I believe I can do better next time I try. Maybe it's the memory of that runners high that I felt after I finished my first one. Maybe, and most likely, it is a combination of all of the above. Whatever it is, I keep coming back to do it again and again. From the runner's perspective, that's about all I can say, and I'll have to let the golfers, hunters, and shoppers speak for themselves.
The reason I'm talking about this now is because I'm heading out toward Mobile, Alabama this afternoon to try it one more time. We have a really big group of us going this time, a few who will be making this attempt for the first time. If I can complete this one, it will be my eleventh time to do so. Wish us luck.
Preston
That's just one example of countless comments we've heard in the last several years about our running in what some may describe as less than ideal conditions. I guess it all boils down to perspective. Some of the same people who are so vocal about how stupid we are for running in such adverse conditions will go to a deer stand or duck blind and sit practically motionless for several hours in the same kind of weather. The point is, people do what they want to do, and if they want it badly enough, they won't let any type of adverse circumstances stand in their way. There is one question, however, that's not quite so easily answered: Why do we do it? Why do hunters, golfers and runners brave the cold wind and rain to pursue their interests? Why do shoppers head to the mall in droves on the day after Thanksgiving? Since I'm the runner, I'll explore this from the runner's perspective.
I can easily answer the question of why I started running. I was about sixty pounds overweight. Something had to be done, and running was the avenue that I chose. But then the running bug got in my blood, and I haven't been the same since. We now run marathons. As a reminder for those who may not remember, or for those who don't know, a marathon is 26.2 miles. The next time you leave to go on a road trip, check the mileage on your car when you leave home and make note of how far down the road you are when you hit the 26.2 mile mark. It's a long way. It's a distance I've run ten times so far, and most times when I go that distance, when I finish, some part of my body is bleeding...usually one of my toes, my skin is chaffed, and I'm hurting in places I forgot I had. I actually consider running a marathon fun...for the first 18 miles, but at that point, there's another 8.2 miles left to go. And as far as the weather, I'll take the cold wind and rain any day over a day that's hot and humid, and in our part of the country, we have more of those hot, humid days than any other. So why do I do it? The honest answer is "I don't know." Maybe the challenge of it is something that I find hard to resist. Maybe it's the camaraderie with my fellow runners. Maybe it's because I'm doing something with a degree of difficulty that keeps the average person away, putting me in somewhat of an elite group. Maybe it's the thought that I believe I can do better next time I try. Maybe it's the memory of that runners high that I felt after I finished my first one. Maybe, and most likely, it is a combination of all of the above. Whatever it is, I keep coming back to do it again and again. From the runner's perspective, that's about all I can say, and I'll have to let the golfers, hunters, and shoppers speak for themselves.
The reason I'm talking about this now is because I'm heading out toward Mobile, Alabama this afternoon to try it one more time. We have a really big group of us going this time, a few who will be making this attempt for the first time. If I can complete this one, it will be my eleventh time to do so. Wish us luck.
Preston
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