Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXI

  Driving south on busy Warren Dr., approaching the intersection of even busier Cypress St., it occurred to me that the reason for the back up in traffic may be due to some type of incident in addition to the normal busy-ness of that intersection. Impatient drivers were blaring their horns, while others were cutting through the parking lot of the big shopping center to their left. After a while, I had inched ahead enough to see the cause of the problem:  An attractive young "thirty-something" was behind the wheel of an old clunker that had stalled on her at the traffic light. A couple of young gentlemen were standing behind her vehicle, waiting for the light to change, so they could push her car through the intersection until they could find a place to get her to the side of the street. The look on her face left no doubt as to how she was feeling at that moment. I'll come back to this story in a moment.    Ministers who teach from the Bible often tell us, with good reason, that our prayer should be that our pride be stripped away so that we can learn humility. Have you ever, on your own, away from the emotion of the moment when the minister is speaking, prayed that prayer?  If so, you may understand what I'm about to tell you. If you haven't, I can tell you that while I wholeheartedly agree that humility is an attribute that each of us must possess if we are to become the person we need to be, I must also warn you that the process of learning humility is not a pleasant experience.  Now back to my story:   Who in this picture was learning humility at that moment?  Was it the pair of guys helping a damsel in distress? No. It was the young lady in the car, and I can assure you she was not enjoying the moment. Her face showed signs of fear, frustration, and more than anything else, embarrassment. A better word may be humiliation. I don't know who she is, but judging from the car she was driving, she most likely couldn't afford a tow truck, a repair bill, or time lost from being late for work. In other words, she could testify that her experience of learning humility was not fun.    I have a good friend who is a part of our running group, and he is a great runner, but when he really pushes himself, he has a tendency to throw up. This morning as I was running, my mind was on this topic, and I passed him on the side of the street, throwing up. When I finished my run, he said to me, "I'm sorry you had to witness that scene back there."  I replied, "You were just learning humility, and that process does not produce a pretty sight."  I recall one Sunday at church many years ago when I sat at the piano to sing a solo, and after I had played the introduction, my mind went completely blank, and I couldn't even remember the first word to the song. I was learning humility, and it was a hard lesson.    I'm proud of the lady and gentleman my daughter and son have become, but I feel certain they would be the first to tell you that although they had happy childhoods, the process of learning to be the adults they now are involved some painful experiences. Learning humility works the same way. Humility is a trait to be desired, and once you achieve it, you'll find it's worth all of the training required to get there, even though it's a lesson that occasionally has to be relearned. I just wanted to remind you that if you're enjoying the ride, you're probably not learning humility, because learning humility can be humiliating.    Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXI

If we ever get the opportunity to design our lives the way we want them, to create lives that are perfect, how should we do it? I think the first requirement would be a happy life, so what would we need to do to guarantee that? Well, maybe we could remove all possibilities of sadness, heartache and disappointment. Would that make us happy? Let's think about it for a moment. Would we want this for everyone, or just for ourselves? Hopefully none of us would admit to being so selfish that we only want this good life for ourselves, while the rest of the world remains as they now are. However, I see a problem with that line of thinking. If I always win, someone has to lose. Things that make me happy might make someone else sad. If I remove the possibility of disappointment or defeat from my life, then life's challenges must also disappear. How much would a running back enjoy the game if all he had to do was run to the goal line without an opposing player trying to knock him down? Who would even take the time to watch a game if his team had no opposition? I remember watching a basketball game where something along those lines transpired. The score was lopsided, something like 96 to 47 late in the second half, yet the coach of the winning team kept his first string players in the game, running up the score. Finally, the coach of the losing team told his players not to oppose the other team when they had the ball....just let them take the score as high as they wanted. When the winning coach saw what was happening, he started pitching a fit, because he had no opposition, and that made him unhappy. Now let's look at it from another perspective. If I, by some miracle, were to win the Chicago Marathon, there is a high probability that I would let you know, but what would I say about it? Would my conversation be primarily about the trophy I had won? Of course not. More than likely, you would hear me talk about the run itself and the challenges I had faced during my struggle. That tells me that I must find joy and even some sense of pleasure in my challenges. No, I'll never actually win any big races like the one in Chicago, and I must admit that while I'm running, I just want to find the finish line and get it over with, but the sense of accomplishment I feel at the end makes it worth the struggle and keeps me coming back to do it all over again week after week. There's something I like about the smell of the exhaust from a Diesel engine, because it brings back fond memories of days gone by. During the summers between semesters when I was in college, I worked for a trucking company that moved drilling rigs. There were some hard days on that job, and when I was there, there's no way I could've imagined that these many years later I would have pleasant memories of the time I spent loading and unloading those trucks. While it's true that I spent my summers working there so I wouldn't have to spend the rest of my life on that job, I realize now that I must have found some type of pleasure during those days of struggle. No, I don't wish I'd stayed with it, but I am grateful to have that time as one of my life's experiences. The pleasure of winning doesn't come unless we face the possibility of defeat. No victory is achieved until we first face a battle. Could we be happy if life offered no challenges or disappointments? As we plan our lives, we'd better make sure we leave room for some opposition, because, after all, we find joy in our struggles. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDX

I heard some prophecies when I was a kid that, to this day, remain unfulfilled, and I believe they will remain so until the end of time. Let me explain why I believe these predictions were a mistake. If they were to come to pass as predicted, it would contradict a biblical curse that was placed on mankind way back in the beginning. Here's what was prophesied: "The days are soon to come when we will live in a push-button society, and the population as a whole will be living lives of luxury, while hard work becomes a thing of the past." Now, here's the curse: "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return." (Genesis 3:17-19 NIV) The forecasters may have been right about the "push-button society," at least to the extent that they could foresee, although there's no way they could've envisioned our modern day devices such as smart phones, lap top computers, iPads, GPS, etc. However, if we're going to make it in this world, someone will have to work for it. I realize that the way I make my living may not be what my ancestors would've called "hard work," but at the end of each day, I'm pooped. Also, both of my kids are now adults, and they are both hard workers. I often spend my Saturdays working in my yard, while my weekdays are spent earning a living, and I can't say I'm any more tired at the end of Saturdays than I am on weekdays. Yes, we may be living in a "push-button" world, but someone has to make those buttons, someone has to sell those buttons, someone has to deliver those buttons, and someone has to spend their days pushing those buttons. In other words, in order to have a "push-button society," mankind still has to work "by the sweat of his brow." Last week I talked about how, when Angie and I were kids, neighboring families would often get together at night and just "sit a spell." Most of us have gotten away from that practice in recent years, mainly because we just don't have the time any more. We're too busy! Yes, times have changed, and our professions have changed, but that old curse that's been around since the beginning of time still stands unscathed. If our gardens are untended, weeds will choke them out, because of the curse. If our kids aren't disciplined, they will go astray and become a menace to society, because of the curse. If we as a society do not work "by the sweat of our brow," our economy will collapse and people will starve, because of the curse. If our homes aren't properly maintained, they will rot and crumble to the ground, because of the curse. The old prophecy about how hard work will disappear in the push-button society is made up of words of man, but if you go back to the third chapter of Genesis, you will find that "the curse" is a proclamation from God. Guess which one is continually being proven true with each passing day! Ladies and gentlemen, hard work is here to stay. We'd do well to accept it and learn to live with it. Oh....you may want to also make sure your kids understand it as well. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDIX

Sometimes I wonder if the families in which Angie and I grew up were typical of that era, or were we exceptions to the rule? If we were the exceptions, it is a coincidence that our childhoods were so similar, since we are from different areas of the state and didn't even know of the other's existence until I was in college and she was a senior in high school. If we were more typical, has the rule gradually changed down through the years since that time, or have we become exceptions over time? There is one other possibility to consider: She and I were both raised in rural areas, but we have become city folks since we married, and maybe country people and city folks do things differently. Allow me to elaborate. When we were kids, there were several families whom we called good friends who lived nearby, and we visited each other regularly. This happened with various families, on average, at least every couple weeks. This is definitely not all, but it was a common occurrence for the Smiths, the Walkers, the Coons, the Devilles, the Pauls, etc. to visit our house...or we would be at theirs. For Angie's family, families like the Whitakers, the Fontenots, the Bushnells, the Bullers, the Durios, or others would show up for a visit. These weren't formal visits....they would just drop by, after supper, for maybe an hour. If the weather was nice, the adults would sit on the porch and talk while we kids played in the yard. I have really fond memories of those occasions. Do country people still do that? Do city folks do that? If so, I'm not aware of it. Our kids come over on a fairly regular basis, and we visit them, but that's about it. I wouldn't dream of just showing up unannounced at anyone's house for a visit, and to be honest, I don't really expect anyone to come here like that. Unless we've changed while the world has remained the same, the days of that type of interaction with friends are behind us. I don't want to step on next week's topic, but have our lives become so busy that we just don't have that kind of time for our friends any more? Angie and I feel fortunate to have as many good friends as we do, primarily through our church and the running group, and we do spend time with many of them, but it's always at some type of planned event...usually at a restaurant of some sort. I know our kids do the same. Still, I have to wonder if we have some great memories that our grandkids will not get to experience, at least on the level that we did. I'm sure our grandchildren will be able to look back at some happy times in their childhood, but I regret they are missing out on some of the kind of memories like we have. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDVIII

Would you walk up to me (or anyone else) and purposefully insult me to my face? I'm talking about words and phrases like, "You're a stupid idiot." "You big fat slob." You're just plain ugly." "When it comes to talent, on a scale of 1 to 10, you're a minus 6." Can you imagine how it would make you feel if someone said any of those things to you? I don't recall anyone ever being quite as blunt to me as the examples I just gave, but on rare occasions I've had people who, under the guise of "I'm the type who speaks my mind," made some stinging remarks to me. Naturally, when I heard those words, my level of self confidence took a nosedive. More than likely, the vast majority of you would never consider being that disrespectful to anyone, except for maybe one person. There's really only one individual to whom I've had the guts to criticize so harshly, and sadly, it's someone I care deeply about. Today as I look back, I wish I had been more tactful, choosing words that would've been more constructive instead of being destructive. I realize that an apology with an excuse is no apology at all, but I must say, when I uttered those hurtful words, I was simply doing a poor job of hiding my disgust. You see, when I made those statements, I was looking in a mirror. I was talking to myself. There's something about human nature that causes us to reserve our most hurtful words for those we love most, and let's be honest, we all love ourselves. Why do we choose our words so carefully when we're talking to others and then tear ourselves apart? Do I deserve respect from others if I can't even respect myself? I realize that it's important for us to identify areas where we need improvement, but I'm afraid if we go overboard on self criticism, we will begin to believe all the negative things we're telling ourselves and destroy any chance of picking ourselves up and getting back on track. If there are things you could tell me that would hurt me and undermine my self confidence, then I shouldn't be saying the same words to myself. If I want to hear encouraging words from you, I need to say encouraging words to myself. Close friends and family members can be honest with each other because what they have to say is intended to build up and improve. It should be the same when we talk to ourselves. I don't recall ever intentionally speaking words to another person that would be a discouragement, although I may have done so accidentally. I wish I could say the same thing about words I have spoken to myself. However, it was years ago when I realized how damaging those words were to me, and I know that I am now a better man since I've learned to become my own self encourager. I could make a list of names of individuals in whom I have the utmost confidence and would trust even with my very life, and one thing for sure....my own name would now be at the top of that list. Any words of encouragement from others are always welcome, but just in case they don't come, I can now provide them for myself. I'm my own biggest fan. Preston