There aren't that many couples who make it that long. How can two people who live in the same house together for almost four and a half decades still enjoy each other's company? I don't know how psychologists would answer that question, but I can tell you what we've done, and it has apparently been working.
First of all, we forgive each other. A friend told me a few days ago, "We have a rule in our house. When we forgive, it's never mentioned again." That's a rule in our house too, because if we continue talking about it, we haven't truly forgiven, and I've learned that if we stop talking about it, we stop thinking about it, and eventually we forget about it. Any disagreements we have, and there will be quite a few of them, are personal, private matters, and we never mention them to anyone else. And that brings me to another point: We never run each other down to any other person. Actually, as I list these rules, I'm beginning to see a pattern....the first three rules have to do with controlling our tongues, and while we ARE controlling our tongues, we ARE NOT controlling each other. For example, if she wants to take a girl trip to Salt Lake City with a group of friends, I tell her to go and have a good time. She does the same with me when I want to go on a running trip with friends. We never attempt to hide anything from each other, and the way we do that is by never doing anything we would want to hide. She knows who my friends are and I know hers, and we're fine with it. With that said, we also have friends together, and we love getting together and visiting with other couples. She and I take trips together, and we even frequently go grocery shopping together. I know couples who work together, which I think is great, but I just don't think that would work for us. We love to go to North Alabama to visit our daughter and son in law and their family, and sometimes we'll have non stop conversation the entire trip, while other times we may go forty miles without saying a word. We never hit or kick each other, and we never use profanity when we're angry with each other (still controlling our tongues). Experience has taught us not to make a big deal out of trivial issues....if it's not gonna matter next week, it doesn't make sense for us to get worked up over it today. Without a doubt I'm leaving out several habits we've developed that have been instrumental in keeping us together so long, but there are two more I want to mention. We've learned that when we disagree, if we'll just make an attempt to understand why the other one has his/her opinion, it's much easier to come to a resolution. The other point is, we go to church together. Worshipping together is the glue that keeps us from splitting apart.
It would be foolish for me to try to make you think we have it made. This marriage thing requires work, and that will still be true when we celebrate our fiftieth and sixtieth anniversaries. She and I don't typically make a big deal out of birthdays and anniversaries, and we won't today, other than maybe a nice meal together; instead we make a big deal out of each other on a daily basis. It's easier for us to cling together when we give each other space. Any other sweet, sugary thing I have to say to her today, well....we keep that private too. So far, what we're doing seems to be working.
Preston
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