Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXCVIII

Modern technology may be causing a problem that couldn't have been foreseen. Imagine this scenario: The husband and wife are sitting in the living room with a ball game on television and she is playing with her phone, with not much happening in the way of conversation. Suddenly the wife's voice breaks the silence, "WHAT?!?!?! What's up with her?! Let me read you this text I just got!!" After she reads it, she stares at her phone in shock, then asks, "What did I say that brought this on?" Five seconds later, she is typing away at the screen on her phone. What follows is heated conversation and hurt feelings, all carried out via text, when the wife was reading the message in a tone that was the exact opposite from the way it was intended. It happens every day with emails and text messages, and I admit I, too, have fallen prey to these avoidable misunderstandings that occur when communication between two or more people is all written. I even worry about it as I write my weekly blogs. It's difficult to transmit tone of voice when voice is not used. Most of us write the way we talk, except for the fact that the reader may not be able to determine which words to accent, which can cause the meaning to be completely different from the intended message. As an example of what I'm saying, try reading the following sentence over and over, placing the accent on the first word, then the next time placing the accent on the second word, etc. until you have read it with the accent placed on each word in the sentence. "I didn't say I saw Kevin kiss Jenna yesterday." That sentence can have as many meanings as there are words in the statement, depending on which word we place the accent. I've read Facebook posts that are written in all caps, and the only message I can glean from them is this person is yelling at me. Another way written messages can be misread is when a response is given in short answers. The person texting may send a message that says, "Can I persuade you to do me a big favor?" The response is, "Okay." We can't hear the responder's tone of voice, so his answer may be interpreted as, "He doesn't seem too enthused to help me," when he might actually be delighted to help. I've been involved in text conversations when it appeared that each time one of us would respond to the other, we seemed to be digging ourselves deeper and deeper into a hole. When we finally decided to talk about it with a voice conversation, the issue was resolved within a minute or two, all because tone of voice was evident, without us having to guess at it. When voice conversation is NOT used, I like to use a tactic I learned from voice instructors in choir training: "Over pronounce your words." It may sound odd to us at first, but it doesn't to the listener. That same concept will work with texts and emails: If you're trying to convey a friendly tone, over emphasize your friendliness. It's better that way than having your tone misinterpreted. I can identify with that sixties song by The Animals: "I'm just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood." Preston