Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCXCVI

It has always been my pleasure to welcome new people into my life, whether it be a new friend, a new baby, or even a new family member by means of a wedding. It's a time of hope for a new relationship that will last through the ages. The good news is, some of them do. However, some don't. As a young man, I often thought of older people and how they had to deal with loss more and more frequently as they aged. I recall thinking to myself, "I guess they reach the point to where they get used to it, and it just doesn't bother them that much any more." Now, as a man in my sixties, I'm beginning to wonder when will that happen. When will I get used to it? I have now had to deal with the loss of both my parents and my younger brother, as well as both of Angie's parents, and let me tell you, I felt real pain each time. In addition to those family members, I'm beginning to lose count of my cousins and close friends I've lost along the way. Death is just a fact of life, and as much as it hurts, we know it's gonna happen, which at least helps us understand it. Death can be easily explained. Losing someone through other means is more difficult to explain and as a result, can be equally as painful. I was a store manager for several years, and the most challenging part of that job was "managing"....dealing with people. Hiring a new employee was always a pleasure, but, at least for me, firing someone was something that tore at my insides and gave me sleepless nights. At times I found myself envying one of my colleagues who told me if someone needed to be fired, he actually "took pleasure" in doing so. But now, as I look back, I like my way better. Any time anyone who is a part of my life leaves my life, I feel pain. It's a period of grief. But really, that's how I want it to be. Every time I ever had to fire an employee, even those who were being dishonest, I found myself hurting for them. I've attended many funerals in my life, and I have reached the conclusion that I don't get used them. Each one of them hurts. I've had friends walk away from me, and it has hurt every single time. Even the times when I, myself, have concluded that it was time to put distance between me and a friend by just pulling back a little, I have felt pain, even though I had no doubt my actions were completely justified. God had a reason for giving us the ability to feel pain. Pain's purpose is to make bad things uncomfortable. If I accidentally put my hand in the fire, it's pain that makes me pull it back out, and to make sure I remember not to put it back in there again. I need to feel pain when I lose important people in my life just so I don't allow it to become too commonplace. That's the reason if I notice that too many people are walking away from me, I need to conduct a thorough self examination to determine what's causing the exodus and what I can do to fix it. Let me make it clear; if you're a part of my life, it is my sincere desire that neither you nor I ever feel that it's time to leave. My prayer today is, "Dear Lord, as much as I dislike hurting, please don't ever take away my ability to feel pain when I lose someone who matters to me, even when it's me who has to walk away. Amen." Preston