Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLXXI

It was one of those lightning bolts that's so close you hear the thunder at the same time time you see the flash. Last Thursday afternoon I was driving north on I-35, going through the heart of Austin, Texas, during a blinding rain storm, when it struck, and I must admit, I nearly jumped out of my skin. You would have too. I can say that because there's a very strong chance that you're a normal human being just like I am. Have you ever experienced a near miss of a serious automobile accident? It has happened to me a few times, and it's an event that leaves me weak-kneed. I'll never forget one morning a few years ago, I was walking from a Baton Rouge hotel to a nearby Waffle House, and I was cutting across the parking lot of a pizza place at the same time a young man was walking out the door of the pizza place, which had not yet opened for the day. Suddenly I heard a loud male voice to my left saying, "Hold it right there! Don't move!" I looked just in time to see a man, who turned out to be a plain clothes policeman, as he lifted a pistol with both hands, with his finger on the trigger. He was arresting the young man exiting the pizza place, but when I heard the loud yell and immediately saw the gun, it scared the living daylights out of me. My friend, Claire, and I were running before daylight one morning through a wooded area when a man we didn't know was even in the world rode a bicycle up behind us and made some kind of loud throat-clearing sound no more than five feet away. We both jumped about three feet in the air, and we both made some loud, strange noises ourselves. There's just something about when I have a sudden thought that I may be about to die, it scares me. I believe with all my heart I've taken the necessary steps to insure my soul's salvation, yet it still frightens me when I think I might die in the next few seconds. I wish I could be all calm and collected like the hero John Wayne in those situations, but I'm afraid that's just not the case. I would also like to be able to tell you I always know what to do and what to say in difficult circumstances, but it would not be true. Although it doesn't happen often, I lose my temper at times, and say words I later regret. Sometimes when I'm speaking, my words come out wrong, and what I end up saying makes no sense at all, causing me to feel, and sound, foolish. On occasion, I will ask a stupid question when the answer is right under my nose. I know we're all tempted to do wrong from time to time, but every now and then I give in to that temptation. It's at times like that when I admit to myself, "Maybe I'm just not hero material." In some ways, maybe I AM a little like John Wayne, because I may appear to be calm, while my insides are churning with fear. I wonder if he ever felt like I do. After all, it was he who said, "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway." Actually, when I take a look at reality (as opposed to movie characters), I realize it's quite possible that maybe I AM a hero to some. I'm thinking of a little nine year old boy and a five year old girl who probably view me as one of their heroes. There's even a chance that someone I don't even suspect might consider me a hero. So....now that I've concluded I might be a hero after all, how am I supposed to act? What are heroes supposed to do? What kind of example am I to set for those who look to me as a hero? Well, I'm not sure, but I have some ideas. Maybe I should let them know it's okay to be scared sometime. (We all look at Captain Sully as a hero, but I assure you, he felt real fear when he put that plane down in the Hudson River.) It would be okay to let them know if perfection was a requirement to be a hero, then heroes would not exist. Perhaps if I happen to mess up and wrong someone, those who view me as a hero could hear me say "I'm sorry" to the person I've wronged. It would probably be a good idea to let them know that even heroes stumble and fall from time to time, but they never let that stop them. They always get back up and charge on. Heroes aren't quitters. I should never forget that, as a hero, I'm constantly being watched, and just knowing that fact should give me an incentive to try to stay on the straight and narrow as much as possible, because those who look to me as a hero want to be like me. It actually feels nice being a hero, but there are some awesome responsibilities that go with it. Think about it. Who thinks you're a hero? Whoever it is, rest assured they're watching every move you make. We can't let them down. They're gonna be someone else's hero some day, and they need to know what heroes are supposed to do. Preston