Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLXIII

When you're looking at a picture of yourself and a group of friends, whose image do you examine most thoroughly? Without a doubt, practically every one of us will look most closely at our own picture. There have been times when I've posted group pictures on Facebook or Instagram, and I check to make sure my own image is satisfactory, then I hit "post;" only to have one or more of the other people in the picture tell me, "Please delete that picture. I look horrible." Even though I don't say it, I sometimes think, "What's wrong with it? It looks just like you." Why do we do that? Is it because we don't want to be reminded of how we actually look, or are we just a little too critical of ourselves because we're concerned about how others will view us? We look at the picture of our friend who just said "I look horrible" and think, "She looks fine to me." You and I both know of people who have spent thousands on plastic surgery, only to make themselves look worse. (In my opinion, that technology still has a way to go.) The truth is, we all want to present ourselves in as good a light as possible. Whether or not we want to admit it, we all worry about the opinions others form about us. I've heard it said so many times, "I don't care what anyone thinks about me," but then that same person will stand in front of a mirror for thirty minutes making sure every hair is in place and their clothes are hanging just right. We all do that because we DO care what others think about us. We all want to be accepted by our peers, and sometimes we pull some crazy stunts in an attempt to gain that acceptance. I've known people who have made a lot of friends, but have had a hard time keeping them, all because they tried too hard to nourish the friendship and ended up practically smothering them. In other words, they do the wrong things in an effort to keep the friendship; then when those friends begin to pull back, they do the wrong things even more intensely, accelerating the problem. It's like they're trying to buy their friends. Admit it. You want to be accepted by your fellow man. You need friends. But how do you go about achieving that goal? Making sure only pictures that meet your approval are the ones you allow others to see may not be the best way to start this process. Try this: Make a list of the characteristics that, in your mind, would describe the perfect friend for you, then instead of seeking that person, try BECOMING that person. As an example, here's a portion of my list: *Someone who doesn't constantly brag on himself *Someone who doesn't try to coerce others into bragging on him *Someone who constantly looks for the good in others *Someone who can take a joke and doesn't always have to be serious *Someone who isn't selfish and gladly gives of himself to help others *Someone who doesn't keep score on who owes who a favor *Someone who smiles a lot and tries to make others feel special *Someone who does their best to not let it show when he's in a bad mood *Someone who does not mind, and is not jealous, when I also have other friends *Someone I can talk to, but who will not try to dominate the conversation. The person with the most friends is a person who focuses more on others instead of himself. I've discovered if I stop searching for the right person and exert my efforts on being the right person, the friends will come to me. Those who give most end up being the ones who receive most. If I focus more on your picture, I won't worry so much about mine. Preston