Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXLVIII

One part of our body matures at a slower pace than the rest. A good example of this would be in teenage kids. Their bodies are mature enough to reproduce long before their minds are capable of properly raising kids and being good, effective parents. As I look back over some of the stupid decisions I made in my adolescent years, I realize just how fortunate I am to still be on the planet....and I was one of the good kids. I guess the ideal scenario would be for our minds and our bodies to mature at the same rate, but since the maturation process of our minds comes with wisdom gained by life experiences, we find our minds continuing to mature long after our bodies have begun to decline. Therefore, I have some messages for parents, and for that matter, every adult, whether or not we are parents. The first one is directed toward moms and dads: Parents, forgive your kids. I'm not saying we should remove all consequences from their wrongful acts, because part of the maturation process of our minds is learning firsthand that there is a price to pay for our indiscretions. However, after we are satisfied that their lessons have been learned, it is then time to forgive and forget, no matter what they have done...and that means never bringing it up again. Several years ago, a good friend of mine relayed a personal story to me that goes to the heart of what I'm trying to say. As an immature kid in his early teens, he accidentally shot his younger sister, fatally injuring her. His parents were grief-stricken over the senseless loss of their precious daughter, but they weren't the only ones. So was he. He said even to this day, he still replays that dreadful scene in his mind from time to time, and he is filled with shame and regret. He also told me the only thing that has sustained him is the fact that his parents have forgiven him. Even with all the pain and anger they have experienced, they realized if they didn't completely forgive their son, it would be as if they had lost both their children. Now a message to all adults: We should keep in mind that as grown-up as many of our teenagers look, their brains are running way behind their bodies, and they are going to make some dumb choices. I've often said the best defense my kids had was my memory of my own actions when I was their age. I've been reading a book written by a former secret service agent, and he devoted one chapter to the difficulties he faced in protecting the children of presidents, from Amy Carter, to Chelsea Clinton, to the Bush Twins. One thing was made clear to me in that chapter; they were no different from anyone else's kids when it came to youthful immaturity....it's just a fact of life. It's important that our kids learn that unwise choices lead to undesired consequences, but at the same time they must also be taught how to forgive and forget, and that can only be taught by example. You and I are the teachers. Even at the age of sixty-three, I still mess up and have to ask for forgiveness. How can I expect to be shown forgiveness unless I'm also willing to provide forgiveness? Part of that process is to remember kids are kids....just like we used to be. Preston