Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCCLVII

Husbands and wives should compliment each other. "You did an excellent job on dinner tonight." "Wow, you're looking good!" "Your body odor is really not that bad, considering how fat you are." Well, maybe we should scratch that last one, but you get the message. I love it when my wife tells me I look nice, and I know it makes her feel good when I tell her the same thing. Compliments like that can work wonders as long as they fall within these three guidelines: 1) They should be sincere; 2) they should be given freely with no prompting from the spouse being complimented; and 3) there should be no ulterior motive behind them. Sometimes we get so accustomed to being around each other that we forget to pay compliments when they are deserved, and we may end up complimenting someone else while ignoring the same achievement by our own spouses. Everything I just said, I sincerely believe, and I want to make sure that the rest of what I have to say takes nothing from it; but let me now say that for most of the rest of this article, I'll be using a slightly different definition of the word "compliment." I know what I want to say, and I hope I'll be able to express my thoughts into words that most of you will understand. Let me try it this way: I'm a better man with Angie as my wife than I would be without her. By the same token, Angie is a better woman with me as her husband than she would be without me. That's because we compliment each other. We make each other better. However, for that to work, sometimes our words may sound like anything but a compliment. Let me give an example of what I mean. Angie and I have resolved to do a better job with the English language, so in that effort, we agreed to allow the other one to correct us when we mispronounce a word or use bad grammar. At first, we each had a tendency to bristle just a little when we were corrected, but now, although we each still have a ways to go to get to where we want to be, both of us are speaking better. That's just one example of many where husbands and wives can compliment each other. If I see that she is starting to develop a negative attitude, I very gently let her know; or if I start to say bad things about someone, she will say something like, "But you don't know what they might have been through that makes them be that way." And I have to admit that she's right. I'm a reader, and my love of books has rubbed off on her to the point that she now reads just as much as I do. Her dedication to her daily devotional time has been an influence on my life to make sure I spend time studying and acquiring a better knowledge of the Bible. I love desserts, and she has been a tremendous warrior in helping me keep my tendencies to over-indulge under control. She has run several half marathons, and I dare say she would never have run a single one if not for my influence. One thing that both of us have learned is that words spoken harshly tend to make the other person become defensive, and that means when we use corrective language, it should be done with gentleness and love. We must constantly remind ourselves that we are supposed to be on the same team, not competitors. Good blockers make the quarterback look good, a good quarterback makes the receivers look good, and good players who are working together toward one common purpose make the entire team look good. I'm proud to call her my wife, and I told her so. She's proud to call me her husband, and she told me that too. We compliment each other. Preston