Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCCLIV

When it's done right, it can be one of the most pleasurable social activities around. But it has to be done right. The trouble is, it only takes one person who's not doing it right to mess it up for everyone else. There's an art to it, or maybe I should say a skill, and not everyone has the ability to to work it properly so that it becomes a pleasant experience for each person involved. Although it can be done without it, most people prefer to consume either food or beverages while engaging in this activity. Now that we're living in the age of computers, iPads and smart phones, I sometimes worry that fewer and fewer of us will develop the skills needed to enjoy this activity the way we used to. I'm talking about the art of verbal, face to face conversation. A few weeks ago, Angie and I were invited to join a group of about twenty or so people at a nice restaurant to celebrate the birthday of a good friend. After it was over and we were on our way home, we discussed what a good time we had had that night, but it was what we did while we were there that made it so much fun. We talked. All of us. But if I was to say that's all we did, I'd be guilty of leaving out one of the most important activities of the evening...the one thing that brought the perfect balance to the party...we listened. All of us. More than likely, if we were asked to define the term "conversation," the first thing that would come to our minds would be the word "talking," and that would be half correct. That's where it becomes an art or skill. If only one or two people are doing all the talking, it becomes a boring activity for the rest of the people involved. The other half of the definition of "conversation" is "listening." However, listening also requires a skill that not every person possesses. Here's the weird part: If the same people are forced to spend almost all of their time as the listeners, they begin to lose their listening skills, because too much listening brings on boredom, and at that point the listener's mind will begin to wander as he only pretends to listen. A good speaker will notice immediately when that happens as he detects that he is no longer connecting with the other parties involved. A good conversationalist will listen more than he speaks. I heard of one man who said a person can only acquire knowledge while he is listening, because he can only speak of that which he already knows. I agree, although I have heard people speaking about topics of which they know nothing. To a good listener, that will become obvious as well. Yes, there have been too many times when I've spoken when I should've been listening, but in most of those instances, I realized it immediately after the fact, and I promise you I'm working on it. I love parties, but if I have a choice between playing games or mingling with the crowd, I'll choose to mix and mingle every time, so I can work on perfecting my conversation skills. So when I come to your party, I primarily want to engage in conversation...and eat. Preston