Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCCLIII

Am I wrong for feeling like this? I hope not, because I don't know how I could change it. There's no doubt that many of you have the complete opposite view of this subject, and that's fine. I promise to not try to get you to change your opinion, but please allow me to describe my point of view and explain why I feel this way. I lost my dad when I was only thirty-five years old, and I took it hard. That was twenty-six years ago, and there's still not a day that goes by that I don't think about him and wish I could take one more trip with him. Then, in 2007, my mom passed away, leaving me longing for just one more morning of sitting on her back porch, drinking coffee, and watching the squirrels in her fig trees as they would pass up what looked to us like ideal figs just so they could get to what they perceived as the perfect piece of fruit. Grief came my way once again in 2010 as I learned first hand what it's like to lose a sibling when my younger brother lost his battle with cancer. I think pleasant thoughts of all three of them every single day, and I hold their memories dear to my heart. Their graves are all together, just a couple feet apart, in the Nebo Cemetery, not far from the home where I grew up. My sister still lives in the general area, and although I don't get over there as often as I would like, I do get to visit two or three times yearly; but when I do, I rarely visit the cemetery. It's probably safe to say that I only visit their grave sites about once a year. It sounds horrible, I know, but other than just making sure that everything still looks okay and no work needs to be done, I just don't see the need. I knew an elderly man who would visit his wife's grave every day, and he would take a chair with him and just sit there for at least an hour...sometimes all morning. That was his choice, and I have no criticism of his actions at all. I have heard of parents who would spend the night at the grave of their teenage child as they tried to come to grips with their unbearable loss. What right do I have to make even one negative comment about them? Here's my position: My loved ones are alive in my heart, in my memory, and I believe, in Heaven. It's my belief that when their lives ended, their spirits left their bodies; therefore, when I visit the cemetery, they are not there...I'm visiting no one. I believe that my body is just temporary housing for the real me, and when my body dies, I'm moving out. I know there are some who feel that a person's spirit may linger near the body, but I just don't see it that way. As long as I'm able, I will continue to make occasional trips to Nebo Cemetery, and just like I've done at times in the past, I'll take some tools along to make sure the graves are still looking good and everything is in order. Like I said earlier, I still have that longing to spend time with each one of them again, and I firmly believe it will happen, but it won't be at the cemetery. Preston