Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCLXVI

If you think my wife and I see eye to eye on every issue, then let me be the first to inform you that you are sadly mistaken. But, how can I explain that, after the pronouncement that was made over us more than thirty-eight years ago that the two of us would become one? We may need to take a look at what this "one flesh" thing means and just how far it goes. Whether or not you know it, men and women are different in more ways than what are visible to the eye. If you don't believe that, just ask someone who's been married for ten or fifteen.....minutes. We have a totally different view of the world. She and I can witness the same occurrence and yet after you've heard each of us describe what we saw, you may begin to wonder if we're talking about the same event. She sees from the woman's perspective and I see it the way a man would view it. Let's face it...regardless of what was said over us during our wedding ceremony, we are two completely different individuals.

So now that we've established the indisputable fact that we are separate beings, then how can we explain what the preacher meant when he said we would "become one?" Where did he come up with that phrase anyway? Is that something that he dreamed up out of the blue, or does he have a legitimate reason for inserting those words into our vows? It comes directly from the Bible (Mark 10:8). That leads me to use the same term for that phrase that I used earlier in this same paragraph...if it comes from the Holy Bible, then it too is "indisputable." So how can we make two seemingly contradictory statements and then label each one as indisputable? Please understand that I don't claim to be an expert on this subject, so what I say about it is strictly my opinion, and I'm about to share it with you now.

A person who will carelessly and without feeling or remorse cause injury or hardship to himself is abnormal...a freak. What about someone who would carelessly and thoughtlessly cause harm to his or her spouse? I believe the same description applies. According to the Bible, once we recite our wedding vows, two different individuals with differing opinions and sometimes opposite views of the world "become one." Therefore a major transformation has taken place. It's no longer just about me...someone else is a part of me and I'm a part of her. If I cause her harm or embarrassment, it's like I'm doing it to myself. When I make a decision, I have to consider its effect on her just like I consider how it will affect me. There are some questions that I need to constantly ask myself: Does my spouse find herself in difficult situations due to things I've said or done, and does she find herself in the awkward position of having to provide cover for my words or activities? Am I jealous of her successes? If my answer is yes, shame on me...I need to make some changes. We are not in competition with one another; we're supposed to be on the same team, equally yoked, pulling together. When she wins, I win; when she loses, I lose. Is there ever a situation where it's best for me to lie to my spouse? Let me answer that question with another question: Is it ever best for me to lie to myself?

When we stop to think about it, we discover that it's really a miracle that two human beings who may not have even known of the other one's existence until they were adults, can join together and become one, while at the same time, maintaining their own individuality. If we allow it to work the way it's supposed to, we'll find that in many areas where one is weak, the other is strong, resulting in a union that is stronger than the sum of their strengths. Of course, it's much easier to sit here and type theses words than it is to actually live them, but when we make the effort, the results can boggle the mind. The term "masochist" is used to describe an individual who enjoys inflicting pain on himself. When we consider the Biblical fact that "the two shall become one," it also stands to reason that we should use the same word to describe a person who would thoughtlessly do the same to his or her spouse, and maybe even sometime derive pleasure from doing so.

My wife is a better woman because of me; I'm a better man because of her. The two of us constantly pulling together, working as though we are one individual, ceaselessly cheering the other one on, striving for the same goals, is a formula that will bring us more victories than we ever deemed possible. It's what we call a "win-win situation." Both of us come out on top.


Preston