Thinking Out Loud, Volume DXI

Kids just do what comes naturally. Even tiny babies. I have a little foster granddaughter who is only three months old, yet it's just a natural act for her to cry when she hurts and smile when she is happy. That's not something she's been taught; she does it naturally. As she grows older, she, in her childlike innocence, will possibly be a little too blunt with others and may speak some hurtful words to those around her. I can still recall the time when my little brother, who was about four at the time, told a lady she was fat. I also remember that as soon as we got to a private place, my mom explained to him that what he said was rude, and words like that would not be tolerated in our family. If we fail to teach our kids to be respectful of other people's feelings, as well as their property, our kids will grow up not being liked or respected by others, and their shortage of friends will be our fault. When our kids cry every time things don't go their way, we teach them better. When our kids are selfish and refuse to share, we teach them better. When our kids are mean to other kids, we teach them better. When our kids rudely interrupt someone who is speaking, we teach them better. When our kids take something that doesn't belong to them, we teach them better. When our kids lie, we teach them better. When our kids throw a fit, we teach them better. If we neglect any of the above mentioned principles, our kids will grow up to be unpopular in our society. But how do we teach them? Sometimes words will be sufficient. Sometimes we have to take punitive action. However, I firmly believe the most effective method of teaching is when they observe our actions. The majority of the habits they develop as the grow up, both good and bad, will be acquired by watching the adults in their lives. Yes, small children automatically do what comes naturally, yet they learn to move away from those natural tendencies by watching you and me. The problem with that is, not all natural tendencies are bad, and that brings me to the point I want to make. Watch what happens when you put a group of three year olds in a room together. I promise you, in just a few minutes, there will be disagreements, and some of those disagreements will escalate into actual fighting if an adult doesn't step in quickly to get the situation under control. Now, just continue watching and see what happens next. Within moments, the two who were fighting will be laughing and playing together again as if nothing had ever happened, and those kids are just doing what comes naturally. By the end of the day, they won't even remember the battle they had earlier. What does that teach us? It teaches us that forgiving and forgetting come naturally! Did you know that holding a grudge is learned behavior? I don't know anyone who would purposely teach their children the art of grudge holding, so that is a skill that must be learned by observation. I saw a quote a few days ago that I loved: "The first to apologize is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest, and the first to forget is the happiest." Kids are born with a gift to "get over it," but they're also born with a natural desire to be like Mommy and Daddy. I also have a one and a half year old foster grandson who loves to sweep crumbs off the floor into a dustpan, because he sees Mommy doing it. Kids learn by watching adults, but there are also some areas where adults can learn by watching our kids. Preston