Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDVIII

Would you walk up to me (or anyone else) and purposefully insult me to my face? I'm talking about words and phrases like, "You're a stupid idiot." "You big fat slob." You're just plain ugly." "When it comes to talent, on a scale of 1 to 10, you're a minus 6." Can you imagine how it would make you feel if someone said any of those things to you? I don't recall anyone ever being quite as blunt to me as the examples I just gave, but on rare occasions I've had people who, under the guise of "I'm the type who speaks my mind," made some stinging remarks to me. Naturally, when I heard those words, my level of self confidence took a nosedive. More than likely, the vast majority of you would never consider being that disrespectful to anyone, except for maybe one person. There's really only one individual to whom I've had the guts to criticize so harshly, and sadly, it's someone I care deeply about. Today as I look back, I wish I had been more tactful, choosing words that would've been more constructive instead of being destructive. I realize that an apology with an excuse is no apology at all, but I must say, when I uttered those hurtful words, I was simply doing a poor job of hiding my disgust. You see, when I made those statements, I was looking in a mirror. I was talking to myself. There's something about human nature that causes us to reserve our most hurtful words for those we love most, and let's be honest, we all love ourselves. Why do we choose our words so carefully when we're talking to others and then tear ourselves apart? Do I deserve respect from others if I can't even respect myself? I realize that it's important for us to identify areas where we need improvement, but I'm afraid if we go overboard on self criticism, we will begin to believe all the negative things we're telling ourselves and destroy any chance of picking ourselves up and getting back on track. If there are things you could tell me that would hurt me and undermine my self confidence, then I shouldn't be saying the same words to myself. If I want to hear encouraging words from you, I need to say encouraging words to myself. Close friends and family members can be honest with each other because what they have to say is intended to build up and improve. It should be the same when we talk to ourselves. I don't recall ever intentionally speaking words to another person that would be a discouragement, although I may have done so accidentally. I wish I could say the same thing about words I have spoken to myself. However, it was years ago when I realized how damaging those words were to me, and I know that I am now a better man since I've learned to become my own self encourager. I could make a list of names of individuals in whom I have the utmost confidence and would trust even with my very life, and one thing for sure....my own name would now be at the top of that list. Any words of encouragement from others are always welcome, but just in case they don't come, I can now provide them for myself. I'm my own biggest fan. Preston