Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCCXX

Do you remember what your parents gave you and your spouse as a wedding present? I kinda do and I kinda don't. I'm sure they gave us a tangible gift, one that we could touch, feel and smell, but I can't recall what it was. I have vivid recollections, however, of an intangible gift they gave us...it's the one that meant the most and lasted the longest....something for us to pass on down to our own kids. It's one of the toughest gifts to give, and it requires one of the biggest sacrifices on the part of the parents. In fact, parents really can't give this gift unless they possess another intangible quality: Confidence. You see, parents must have confidence in the job they did in raising their kids, or they won't be able to bestow this treasured gift onto their married children. The gift? Freedom. I've often wondered if a mother bird feels anxiety when her offspring are learning how to fly. If her thought process is anything at all similar to mine, I'm sure she does. I wonder if she would sometimes rather that she could just do all their flying for them, instead of having to watch as they flutter around and often end up on the ground. I know our parents saw us make numerous mistakes that their life experiences had taught them not to make, yet it would have been harmful to us if they had tried to interfere. That's how we gained our own life experiences. There comes a time in all of our lives where there's no choice but to stand on our own two feet, and if we've never had to do it before, how successful can we expect to be when there's no one there to help us when that time comes. I served in a management position for several years, and I've actually had job applicants come in for an interview, and one of the parents would accompany them. I have no idea what kind of employees they would've made, because there's no way I would hire someone who brought her mother with her to an interview. I've also fired employees who would come back a couple hours later with their daddies. That didn't work either. Giving the gift of freedom to married children also helps to preserve the parent/child relationship down through the years, because most young adults resent parents who cannot give up that control. Even if they don't, I can assure you that their spouses do. That doesn't mean, however, that the parents should not be there in a supporting role. When my kids got married, my love for them didn't decrease by even a fraction of a smidgen....I love them now as much as I ever did. I would give my life for either one of them. All they have to do is call, and I come running. It's just that my role has changed now that they're on their own. I've moved from boss to advisor, and the advice I give is usually solicited. I'm so thankful that my parents were there for me when I needed them, but I'm also thankful that they realized when their job of raising me had come to an end. I'm glad I had their examples of knowing when to let go, because Angie and I have reached the stage in our own lives where we had to test our confidence in the job of raising our kids. I think we did pretty good! Preston