I'm a fairly decent guy, yet I'm totally disgusting! I have a lot of good friends, yet at times I can be completely repulsive. Every one of these friends that I'm telling you about are also high quality individuals, although a sizable number of them will do some things that are just as reprehensible as the things that I do. I'm talking about things that would humiliate our mothers if they knew what we were up to. So what traits do we have in common that make us commit such taboo acts? It's this club that we've joined. It doesn't require its members to see just what kind of degrading acts we can perform, but there's something about being an active member that automatically causes us to go completely against our upbringing and do things that we ordinarily wouldn't even dream of doing...in fact we would be glad to participate in a protest against anyone else who attempted to commit some of the acts we've done. We would say they must be out of their minds.
One of the worst things we've been guilty of doing: Some of us will urinate on the ground in the middle of town in broad daylight...men and women, side by side, minding our own business while "taking care of business." We will accept a drink of water from a total stranger...someone we've never seen before and will never see again...drinking from the same bottle that was just used by another complete stranger. We may pick up a used cup from the side of the street, even one that's been stepped on and mashed, and use it do dip into a tub of Gatorade to get us a drink. Yes, our moms would be so proud if they could see us while we're in this "zone" that temporarily moves us outside of the realm of human decency. Oh,and while I'm on this subject, I should mention that I'm in the middle of a recruiting drive to bring more members into this club. Do you think you might be interested in joining? I'd be glad to give a list of names of notable citizens who are members...some of them newly recruited.
The name of this club is "The Marathoners." There's only one simple requirement for membership, but actually meeting this requirement may be more of a challenge than what some may expect: All you have to do is run 26.2 miles. That's it. Just register for an official 26.2 mile run, then go our there on race day and actually perform your required task, and you're automatically a member. The benefits are tremendous! First of all, you get a free tee shirt. But here's the big perk: As soon as you finish, they will hang a nice medal around your neck...that is if you have the strength to continue standing with the additional weight of the medal, which is about four ounces. Just remember however, the medal and the tee shirt aren't really free...you have to earn them, and over the course of 26.2 miles, things can happen. They almost always have adequate supplies of water and cups along the route, but in case of a heat wave, like we saw in Chicago in 2007, the marathon support groups may find themselves unprepared for the excessive amount of water needed by the runners, and desperate times call for desperate measures. And, yes, there will be Port-a-Johns stationed all along the course, but if they have 11,000 participants and 300 Port-a-Johns, runners may find themselves standing in line, and sometimes that's just not an option. During one marathon, after seeing the lines at the Port-a-Johns, I decided to duck into a narrow alley, and when I got there, I saw three women and two men who had the same idea that I had. During desperate times, you do what you've gotta do. That was one of those times.
Maybe this is not the best job of salesmanship that you've ever witnessed, but all in all, completing a marathon is one of the most rewarding challenges I've ever experienced, and I believe it's the challenge that makes it so rewarding. Trust me, if I can do it anyone can. We'd love for you to join us, but when you do, don't be surprised if you find yourself committing an act that heretofore would've been unthinkable.
Preston
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