Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLXIV

I understand your concerns. I have the same ones. The unrest in this world is frightening. Who knows what horrible stunt ISIS will pull next and where it will happen. The leaders of our nation are attempting to make a deal with a country whose stated goal is to bring about the annihilation of Israel, which may push Israel to act on their own, putting the entire world in a state of chaos. In other areas, Christians are being murdered simply for their beliefs, and even in our country they're being ridiculed by Hollywood and some of the late night television hosts. With every new regulation being forced upon us by our government, we lose another little snippet of our freedom. Poverty is causing people to act irrationally, while cyber crime from all parts of the world is quickly becoming one of our biggest threats. Financial stress has become a major factor in the lives of people in all walks of life, both rich and poor. It's enough to drive us crazy.....if we dwell on it. As bad as the news is, we still have a responsibility to keep ourselves aware of world events and to walk into the voting booths with a thorough knowledge of what our choices are and why we should or should not vote for each of the candidates. Our tendency is to avoid depressing news, yet if we want to be responsible citizens, we have no choice but to stay informed. The result, however, is people are stressed to a greater degree than most of us have seen in our lifetime. I have a close friend who is a flight attendant for a major airline, and she has been telling me that the tension level among their passengers is higher than it's been in any of the previous years she has worked there, which has to be a result of the increased uncertainty we all face on a daily basis. There may not be much you nor I can do to lighten the mood of the general public, but there IS something we can do to help ourselves. You see, there's some other news I haven't mentioned, and it's the news I choose to think about. No doubt, you can find similar news on which to focus your attention. I have a family whom I adore, and they adore me. If wealth is determined by the number of friends a person has, I'm a rich man. I know these friends love me, because they tell me often. My friends from church (aka my church family) are top notch, quality people. The friends in my running group are true, loyal, die-hard companions who probably know more about me than anyone else besides family. Although I have my share of problems, as does every one of you, life is basically going my way. Angie and I are very actively involved in our church for one simple reason: It's what we want to do. I get up early four mornings every week to go running with my friends, because that's what I want to do. I have my job because it's the job I want. Even with all our problems, I still believe I live in the best country on Earth. I may not be rich in a monetary sense, but I'm able to pay all my bills on time, and even put a little back each month. I've been forgiven, and I've learned how to forgive. Events that have upset me in the past are now water under the bridge, and will forever remain "in the past." I know how to give and receive love. I've learned how to trust, and I know I am trusted. I've often said I can't ever see me becoming an Elvis impersonator, because why should I pretend to be someone else, when being me is about as good as it gets. Although I will constantly be striving for self improvement, I'm really okay with who I am. Anyone who works a job, or just lives life, will face stress on a daily basis, yet on the whole, I'm happy. I realize the events I mentioned in the beginning of this article are real, and I will continue to watch them, but I can't worry about them, because for me, life is good. Please understand, I'm not bragging, since most all of you can say the same things I've been saying. If we learn to focus on our blessings, our problems will become no more than slight, temporary annoyances, and we can live with that. It's all about where we direct our mind. "For the rest, my brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things have honour, whatever things are upright, whatever things are holy, whatever things are beautiful, whatever things are of value, if there is any virtue and if there is any praise, give thought to these things." Philippians 4:8 (BBE) Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLXIII

When you're looking at a picture of yourself and a group of friends, whose image do you examine most thoroughly? Without a doubt, practically every one of us will look most closely at our own picture. There have been times when I've posted group pictures on Facebook or Instagram, and I check to make sure my own image is satisfactory, then I hit "post;" only to have one or more of the other people in the picture tell me, "Please delete that picture. I look horrible." Even though I don't say it, I sometimes think, "What's wrong with it? It looks just like you." Why do we do that? Is it because we don't want to be reminded of how we actually look, or are we just a little too critical of ourselves because we're concerned about how others will view us? We look at the picture of our friend who just said "I look horrible" and think, "She looks fine to me." You and I both know of people who have spent thousands on plastic surgery, only to make themselves look worse. (In my opinion, that technology still has a way to go.) The truth is, we all want to present ourselves in as good a light as possible. Whether or not we want to admit it, we all worry about the opinions others form about us. I've heard it said so many times, "I don't care what anyone thinks about me," but then that same person will stand in front of a mirror for thirty minutes making sure every hair is in place and their clothes are hanging just right. We all do that because we DO care what others think about us. We all want to be accepted by our peers, and sometimes we pull some crazy stunts in an attempt to gain that acceptance. I've known people who have made a lot of friends, but have had a hard time keeping them, all because they tried too hard to nourish the friendship and ended up practically smothering them. In other words, they do the wrong things in an effort to keep the friendship; then when those friends begin to pull back, they do the wrong things even more intensely, accelerating the problem. It's like they're trying to buy their friends. Admit it. You want to be accepted by your fellow man. You need friends. But how do you go about achieving that goal? Making sure only pictures that meet your approval are the ones you allow others to see may not be the best way to start this process. Try this: Make a list of the characteristics that, in your mind, would describe the perfect friend for you, then instead of seeking that person, try BECOMING that person. As an example, here's a portion of my list: *Someone who doesn't constantly brag on himself *Someone who doesn't try to coerce others into bragging on him *Someone who constantly looks for the good in others *Someone who can take a joke and doesn't always have to be serious *Someone who isn't selfish and gladly gives of himself to help others *Someone who doesn't keep score on who owes who a favor *Someone who smiles a lot and tries to make others feel special *Someone who does their best to not let it show when he's in a bad mood *Someone who does not mind, and is not jealous, when I also have other friends *Someone I can talk to, but who will not try to dominate the conversation. The person with the most friends is a person who focuses more on others instead of himself. I've discovered if I stop searching for the right person and exert my efforts on being the right person, the friends will come to me. Those who give most end up being the ones who receive most. If I focus more on your picture, I won't worry so much about mine. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLXII

Mom knew she was dying. And we knew she knew. There's just something about when we're aware that someone we love knows they're about to die, we hang on to every word they speak, because we know they're talking about things that matter. Often their voices are weak, so we bend down closer to them so we can be sure to hear every word, and we'll promise them anything they request. What would you think would be some of the things the four of us heard from our mother? Maybe to make sure we work as hard as possible so we can provide well for our families? Or do you think she would be instructing us how to spend what little money she was leaving us? Actually, I don't think she was worried us working hard, because she was aware of our work ethic. She also knew we wouldn't be unwise with our inheritance. She didn't have the extra breath to waste on things she knew we would most likely do anyway. She wanted her final instructions to make a difference. Somehow, in her wisdom, Mom looked ahead and saw where our challenges would be, and she directed her instructions to us in those areas. Maybe it's because she knew how busy our lives were, and she considered the fact that we are all separated geographically, making it easy to become so involved in our own lives that we would begin to neglect each other. Therefore, she challenged us: Don't drift apart. Make sure you still have family get-togethers after I'm gone. Don't allow little differences of opinion to cause division among you. Stay united. I was paraphrasing there because I don't recall what her exact words were, but that was the basic message. I remember her telling me one day, several years before her death, that she understood that when our kids grew up and moved away, they would want to come back to our house for big holidays, like Christmas, but she still insisted that we siblings plan to get back to her house as often as possible. I often heard her say that she was happiest when she had all her kids at home at the same time. Does that sound like something your mother would say? Parents don't want division among their kids, especially after they're grown. She taught us to love each other and not to let our differences separate us. Those instructions were from a biological parent, but doesn't it stand to reason that our Heavenly Father would tell us the same thing? We're all wise enough to understand that no two of us will always be in full agreement on everything, and if we're not careful, we'll focus on what few differences we have, while neglecting the much larger areas where we agree. Mom knew the miles that separate her kids would present challenges, but I must say, we're doing our best to live up to her wishes. Mom's dying wish was that we always love God and love each other, and she instructed us accordingly, because those are the things that matter. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLXI

There was no excuse for those two women to treat me the way they did. It was the first day of the Dallas Gift Market, and I had left my hotel, headed for work, when I suddenly remembered that I needed to stop by Kroger to pick up a case of bottled water, along with some peanuts and M&Ms for my customers. I hurriedly selected my items and got in line at the checkout. Finally, I reached the point where I was next in line when a young woman passed everyone behind me, broke in front of me and said, "I'm cutting in line because I have to get to work." I replied, "Yeah, I do too." She said, "I'm sorry," but made no effort to let me go ahead and check out. I didn't say anything else, but I seethed all the way to work. When I arrived at the World Trade Center, I quickly carried everything up to my booth, and then went back down to the cafeteria to grab a quick bite of breakfast before the show opened. Once again, I stood in line until it was my time to order, when a young woman cut in front of me and said, "Excuse me, I just need to get a biscuit." She then said to the lady behind the counter, "I need a biscuit please. Oh, and while you're at it, I think I'll go ahead and have some eggs, bacon and hash browns." Well, she found herself in the unfortunate position of being the second person to do that to me that day, and I hadn't even had my first cup of coffee. She had no doubt she had upset me, although she just apologized and stayed right where she was. She then saw a side of me few people ever see. Neither of those women (I just can't call them ladies.) actually caused me any real harm in doing what they did, but it seems easy to justify my anger and the fact that I "lost it" with that second one. Can you understand why that would make me mad? After all, I can't just stand idly by and allow someone else to use me as a doormat. Physically, I didn't touch her, but I put my words, which were not in short supply, to good use against her. (It was something about people who think the whole world revolves around them.) What I wanted to do was upset her, and in that effort, I was successful. However, the whole episode upset me too, so I needed some kind of justification in the way I handled it, just to make me feel better. The friends I mentioned it to all told me they would've been even more forceful than I had been, but for some reason, it just didn't settle my mind. My anger had subsided by the end of that day, but I've thought about that incident many times since it happened, and I still can't really justify my actions. There's that same old phrase that keeps ringing in my ears that says, ".....turn the other cheek." I wanted to check what was said right after those few powerful words so I could see the exceptions to the rule, so I looked it up, and guess what....there is a second half to that command! It says, "and if they take your coat, don't withhold your shirt from them either." Oh wow!! I was being guided by my old human nature.....you know, doing what seemed right in my own eyes, and making the whole situation about me. While I still stick with my first statement that there's no justification for the behavior of the two women, I must remember that the way they acted is their problem, not mine. I can't fix them. But if I allow them to push me into also doing wrong, it then becomes MY problem, and that I CAN fix. If being the kind of person I want to become was easy, everybody would be doing it. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLX

I had two uncles named David. The first one I don't really know much about, because I never knew him, and have heard little about him. I have no doubt that he was a good man, but from what little I HAVE heard, he loved his booze, and if you saw him, chances are, he would be inebriated. The other Uncle David, I knew well. He was a pastor, an awesome father to his four daughters, an ideal husband to my aunt, a man of his word, a great family man, and I never knew of him to touch any type of alcoholic beverages. So....why did I know one and not the other? It's because when the second Uncle David showed up, the first one disappeared forever. You see, according to the birth certificate, they were one and the same person, but otherwise, two completely different individuals. I'll work my way back to that topic, but for now, I'd like to shift gears. Many people today like to place all people into one of two categories: believers and non-believers. I see it somewhat differently. I consider everyone to be a believer, but the big difference is in just who it is they believe in. Christians believe in Christ, Muslims believe in Allah, Buddhists believe in Buddha, while agnostics believe in mankind. Here in our country, however, it most often comes down to those who believe in Christ and those who believe in man. The way it's usually broken down, though, is either a person believes in Christ, or he doesn't believe in Christ, and that's the reason each one of us is classified as a believer or a non-believer, so for the rest of this article, I'll go with that school of thought. When the question arises as to how we got here, Christians will point to the first chapter of the Book of Genesis, and the believers of mankind will look to science books for man's theories of how the universe and humanity came into being. I remember one of my college professors who told us to read both accounts and make up our own minds, and that's what I did, although I looked at much more than just the debate between creation and evolution. One of the things I observed was the way I've seen individual lives completely altered, like what happened with Uncle David. The theory of evolution teaches that we evolved into who we are today over long periods of time, while Christians believe we were created in one day. With that in mind, I consider Uncle David's transformation. It wasn't gradual; it was abrupt. As strongly as I believe in my uncle, I don't have enough faith in mankind to believe anyone could, on his own, change so drastically in one day. It had to be a "God thing." Therefore, feel free to call me a believer! Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLIX

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." We've all heard that statement throughout our lives, but what does it mean? Well, its meaning can be both literal and figurative. The literal meaning is fairly simple: Apple trees bear apples, and when an apple falls from the tree, it will fall straight to the ground and lie there till it decays, unless someone picks it up and moves it. Its seed may even sprout and bring bring forth a tiny new apple tree in that same spot, just like the parent tree that's already there. However, I've never heard that statement made with a literal meaning. Now, let's discuss the figurative version. The tree represents human parents and the apple is the child. When parents "sprout" and bring forth a child, that child will not stray far from being exactly like the parents...."unless someone picks it up and moves it." Let me give you a few examples of what I mean: Parents who are educated will be more likely to have kids who also get an education. Children born out of wedlock will be more likely to have kids born out of wedlock. Parents who use profanity will be more likely to have kids who use profanity. Kids born to parents who are active in their church will likely grow up to be active in church themselves. Hard working parents will have hard working kids. That list could go on and on, but you get my drift. Many years ago, when we were living in another city, we had some friends who were quick to pick up the phone and call a friend to "bawl them out" if they didn't like something they did or said. As we got to know their parents, we discovered that the wife's parents were the same way. Why does it work that way? It's because "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I've known girls who grew up in what we would call a privileged setting, and when they married boys who had a more modest income, they had a difficult time adjusting to the less affluent lifestyle. Why did I turn out to be the type of man I am? There's no doubt it has a lot to do with my mom and dad. Sadly, there are millions of kids in our country today who are growing up in homes where drug abuse and teen pregnancy are running rampant, and the source of the family income is a combination of government entitlement programs and drug sales. We really can't blame the kids for continuing in the same cycle, because that's the only life they know. You see, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." However, if you look back up to the first two paragraphs in this article, you'll see there's one phrase I used two different times: "...unless someone picks it up and moves it." The apples in my fruit basket are there because each individual apple was personally moved by someone. I rarely read a book more than once, since there are so many other books I still haven't read, but there's one book I read twice, and then I saw the movie twice. It's a true story called "Schindler's List." There was no way Oskar Schindler could help enough people to have a huge impact on the Holocaust, but for the few he COULD help, it was the difference between life and death. That's basically the same story with the kids I was telling you about. What you and I could do in the way of mentoring and taking an interest in the life of a child would have little effect on the entire population of unfortunate kids born into the drug culture, but it would make all the difference in the world to the few we DID help, not to mention how it would affect THEIR kids. If I can save one soul, and that soul saves another, my small action could have a huge eternal impact. To borrow a thought from my friend, Ryan Lowe, people who are lost cannot find their way on their own; someone has to guide them to the correct path. If I can help move one apple, then the next tree will bear its apples in a new location, and those apples won't fall far from the tree. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLVIII

Let's say you're in need of an accountant, financial advisor, insurance agent, attorney, realtor, or perhaps even a counselor. We'll also assume you don't really know anything about any of their reputations other than maybe what you've seen in their advertisements. How do you know which one to pick? Are there certain things about each individual that would turn you on or off to them? This article will mostly be made up of questions, so please feel free to respond if you wish, but my primary goal is to provoke some thought. You walk into his/her office for your initial visit and look around at your surroundings. How much would office decor matter to you? Would pictures on the wall, or lack thereof, have any effect on your first impression? What about the quality of the desk and chairs? Does it make you feel better about that person when you're able to spot some telltale signs of success? If the office was so overly extravagant it displayed evidence of tremendous success, would that turn you on or off? Would it matter to you what type of vehicle he/she was driving? In other words, would you prefer seeing a nice, late model Toyota or Ford SUV, or a 2015 Jaguar? What if it was a '71 Rambler? Would any of that make any difference to you? What about his/her command of the English language? Would improper grammar impact your decision? What if he/she let an occasional profane word slip out from time to time? If this individual is a man, would you rather he be wearing a suit, or at least a tie? What about khakis and a sport shirt? What if he was wearing jeans and a tee shirt? Would it make any difference to you whether or not his/her shoes needed shining? Would evidence of poor hygiene give you enough of a negative impression that it would affect your decision? In my opinion, the most important determining factor is integrity, but that's a trait that may take a little longer to figure out. We've all had occasions when we got to know a person and realized our initial opinion of him/her was flawed, yet we've also heard it said many times that "you only get one chance to make a first impression," and if that impression is negative, we may just go elsewhere. I feel certain that to some, few of the factors mentioned above will impact your impression, while there may be others who look at all of the above. For what it's worth, here's my opinion: I like to see evidence of moderate success, without the image that this person is going to make too much off of me, which means that both the new Jag and old Rambler are turn-offs. I like the tie or dressy casual, but the jeans & tee shirts are out. Poor grammar and profanity are definite turn-offs, possibly even to the point of being deal breakers on the issue of profanity. Office decor means little to me. Body odor is a turn-off, although I'm a little more tolerant of stinky breath, as long as they don't get right in my face. (Actually, I don't like it when anyone feels like they have to be no more than four inches from my face when they're speaking to me.) This topic came up during our family gathering this past Christmas, and I just thought I'd get your thoughts on it. What do you think? Preston