Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXI

If we ever get the opportunity to design our lives the way we want them, to create lives that are perfect, how should we do it? I think the first requirement would be a happy life, so what would we need to do to guarantee that? Well, maybe we could remove all possibilities of sadness, heartache and disappointment. Would that make us happy? Let's think about it for a moment. Would we want this for everyone, or just for ourselves? Hopefully none of us would admit to being so selfish that we only want this good life for ourselves, while the rest of the world remains as they now are. However, I see a problem with that line of thinking. If I always win, someone has to lose. Things that make me happy might make someone else sad. If I remove the possibility of disappointment or defeat from my life, then life's challenges must also disappear. How much would a running back enjoy the game if all he had to do was run to the goal line without an opposing player trying to knock him down? Who would even take the time to watch a game if his team had no opposition? I remember watching a basketball game where something along those lines transpired. The score was lopsided, something like 96 to 47 late in the second half, yet the coach of the winning team kept his first string players in the game, running up the score. Finally, the coach of the losing team told his players not to oppose the other team when they had the ball....just let them take the score as high as they wanted. When the winning coach saw what was happening, he started pitching a fit, because he had no opposition, and that made him unhappy. Now let's look at it from another perspective. If I, by some miracle, were to win the Chicago Marathon, there is a high probability that I would let you know, but what would I say about it? Would my conversation be primarily about the trophy I had won? Of course not. More than likely, you would hear me talk about the run itself and the challenges I had faced during my struggle. That tells me that I must find joy and even some sense of pleasure in my challenges. No, I'll never actually win any big races like the one in Chicago, and I must admit that while I'm running, I just want to find the finish line and get it over with, but the sense of accomplishment I feel at the end makes it worth the struggle and keeps me coming back to do it all over again week after week. There's something I like about the smell of the exhaust from a Diesel engine, because it brings back fond memories of days gone by. During the summers between semesters when I was in college, I worked for a trucking company that moved drilling rigs. There were some hard days on that job, and when I was there, there's no way I could've imagined that these many years later I would have pleasant memories of the time I spent loading and unloading those trucks. While it's true that I spent my summers working there so I wouldn't have to spend the rest of my life on that job, I realize now that I must have found some type of pleasure during those days of struggle. No, I don't wish I'd stayed with it, but I am grateful to have that time as one of my life's experiences. The pleasure of winning doesn't come unless we face the possibility of defeat. No victory is achieved until we first face a battle. Could we be happy if life offered no challenges or disappointments? As we plan our lives, we'd better make sure we leave room for some opposition, because, after all, we find joy in our struggles. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDX

I heard some prophecies when I was a kid that, to this day, remain unfulfilled, and I believe they will remain so until the end of time. Let me explain why I believe these predictions were a mistake. If they were to come to pass as predicted, it would contradict a biblical curse that was placed on mankind way back in the beginning. Here's what was prophesied: "The days are soon to come when we will live in a push-button society, and the population as a whole will be living lives of luxury, while hard work becomes a thing of the past." Now, here's the curse: "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return." (Genesis 3:17-19 NIV) The forecasters may have been right about the "push-button society," at least to the extent that they could foresee, although there's no way they could've envisioned our modern day devices such as smart phones, lap top computers, iPads, GPS, etc. However, if we're going to make it in this world, someone will have to work for it. I realize that the way I make my living may not be what my ancestors would've called "hard work," but at the end of each day, I'm pooped. Also, both of my kids are now adults, and they are both hard workers. I often spend my Saturdays working in my yard, while my weekdays are spent earning a living, and I can't say I'm any more tired at the end of Saturdays than I am on weekdays. Yes, we may be living in a "push-button" world, but someone has to make those buttons, someone has to sell those buttons, someone has to deliver those buttons, and someone has to spend their days pushing those buttons. In other words, in order to have a "push-button society," mankind still has to work "by the sweat of his brow." Last week I talked about how, when Angie and I were kids, neighboring families would often get together at night and just "sit a spell." Most of us have gotten away from that practice in recent years, mainly because we just don't have the time any more. We're too busy! Yes, times have changed, and our professions have changed, but that old curse that's been around since the beginning of time still stands unscathed. If our gardens are untended, weeds will choke them out, because of the curse. If our kids aren't disciplined, they will go astray and become a menace to society, because of the curse. If we as a society do not work "by the sweat of our brow," our economy will collapse and people will starve, because of the curse. If our homes aren't properly maintained, they will rot and crumble to the ground, because of the curse. The old prophecy about how hard work will disappear in the push-button society is made up of words of man, but if you go back to the third chapter of Genesis, you will find that "the curse" is a proclamation from God. Guess which one is continually being proven true with each passing day! Ladies and gentlemen, hard work is here to stay. We'd do well to accept it and learn to live with it. Oh....you may want to also make sure your kids understand it as well. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDIX

Sometimes I wonder if the families in which Angie and I grew up were typical of that era, or were we exceptions to the rule? If we were the exceptions, it is a coincidence that our childhoods were so similar, since we are from different areas of the state and didn't even know of the other's existence until I was in college and she was a senior in high school. If we were more typical, has the rule gradually changed down through the years since that time, or have we become exceptions over time? There is one other possibility to consider: She and I were both raised in rural areas, but we have become city folks since we married, and maybe country people and city folks do things differently. Allow me to elaborate. When we were kids, there were several families whom we called good friends who lived nearby, and we visited each other regularly. This happened with various families, on average, at least every couple weeks. This is definitely not all, but it was a common occurrence for the Smiths, the Walkers, the Coons, the Devilles, the Pauls, etc. to visit our house...or we would be at theirs. For Angie's family, families like the Whitakers, the Fontenots, the Bushnells, the Bullers, the Durios, or others would show up for a visit. These weren't formal visits....they would just drop by, after supper, for maybe an hour. If the weather was nice, the adults would sit on the porch and talk while we kids played in the yard. I have really fond memories of those occasions. Do country people still do that? Do city folks do that? If so, I'm not aware of it. Our kids come over on a fairly regular basis, and we visit them, but that's about it. I wouldn't dream of just showing up unannounced at anyone's house for a visit, and to be honest, I don't really expect anyone to come here like that. Unless we've changed while the world has remained the same, the days of that type of interaction with friends are behind us. I don't want to step on next week's topic, but have our lives become so busy that we just don't have that kind of time for our friends any more? Angie and I feel fortunate to have as many good friends as we do, primarily through our church and the running group, and we do spend time with many of them, but it's always at some type of planned event...usually at a restaurant of some sort. I know our kids do the same. Still, I have to wonder if we have some great memories that our grandkids will not get to experience, at least on the level that we did. I'm sure our grandchildren will be able to look back at some happy times in their childhood, but I regret they are missing out on some of the kind of memories like we have. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDVIII

Would you walk up to me (or anyone else) and purposefully insult me to my face? I'm talking about words and phrases like, "You're a stupid idiot." "You big fat slob." You're just plain ugly." "When it comes to talent, on a scale of 1 to 10, you're a minus 6." Can you imagine how it would make you feel if someone said any of those things to you? I don't recall anyone ever being quite as blunt to me as the examples I just gave, but on rare occasions I've had people who, under the guise of "I'm the type who speaks my mind," made some stinging remarks to me. Naturally, when I heard those words, my level of self confidence took a nosedive. More than likely, the vast majority of you would never consider being that disrespectful to anyone, except for maybe one person. There's really only one individual to whom I've had the guts to criticize so harshly, and sadly, it's someone I care deeply about. Today as I look back, I wish I had been more tactful, choosing words that would've been more constructive instead of being destructive. I realize that an apology with an excuse is no apology at all, but I must say, when I uttered those hurtful words, I was simply doing a poor job of hiding my disgust. You see, when I made those statements, I was looking in a mirror. I was talking to myself. There's something about human nature that causes us to reserve our most hurtful words for those we love most, and let's be honest, we all love ourselves. Why do we choose our words so carefully when we're talking to others and then tear ourselves apart? Do I deserve respect from others if I can't even respect myself? I realize that it's important for us to identify areas where we need improvement, but I'm afraid if we go overboard on self criticism, we will begin to believe all the negative things we're telling ourselves and destroy any chance of picking ourselves up and getting back on track. If there are things you could tell me that would hurt me and undermine my self confidence, then I shouldn't be saying the same words to myself. If I want to hear encouraging words from you, I need to say encouraging words to myself. Close friends and family members can be honest with each other because what they have to say is intended to build up and improve. It should be the same when we talk to ourselves. I don't recall ever intentionally speaking words to another person that would be a discouragement, although I may have done so accidentally. I wish I could say the same thing about words I have spoken to myself. However, it was years ago when I realized how damaging those words were to me, and I know that I am now a better man since I've learned to become my own self encourager. I could make a list of names of individuals in whom I have the utmost confidence and would trust even with my very life, and one thing for sure....my own name would now be at the top of that list. Any words of encouragement from others are always welcome, but just in case they don't come, I can now provide them for myself. I'm my own biggest fan. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDVII

When a person has been at the same job for a while, there are some little tricks he learns that saves time and makes the performance of that job a little easier. I'm sure it would only take you a few seconds to think of some examples of what I'm talking about, but have you ever taken the time to question whether that same idea could be used in other areas of your life? I have, and I've been amazed at what I've come up with. There's one in particular I have in mind, and with the new year coming up, I feel like today would be a good time to talk about it. For most of my adult life, my career has been connected to the apparel industry. When I first started, I would watch the "seasoned veterans" at work, and I noticed how, if they were moving merchandise from one rack to another, they could move as many as forty-eight pieces of clothing at one time simply by squeezing them together, lifting them, and carrying them to the other rack. So I tried it. The first few times were a disaster. I could lift them from the rack, but when I started walking with them, the ones in the middle would start to fall and would soon be all over the floor, especially if they were made from fabrics like nylon or rayon. Then one day I figured it out....if I would continually try to squeeze a little harder, I could make it work. It dawned on me that if I didn't keep trying to squeeze harder, even without realizing it, I would begin to relax my grip. It has taken a few failed attempts at other projects in life to figure out that the same principle applies to practically anything I attempt if I want to become successful. Let's take a look at the most popular New Year's resolution, losing weight. So many people will set their goals and even stick with them until the goals are reached, and then they change the plan from losing to maintaining. That's when disaster strikes. They begin to relax a little, and then the entire program falls apart. There is a one word definition that describes the end of maintaining: Fat. That is the result of relaxing. A young man asked me recently, "At what age does a person reach the stage of life where he is no longer tempted to do wrong?" My answer: "I don't know. I'm only sixty-two." I think if he would've asked that same question of my father in law, his answer would've been, "I don't know. I'm only ninety-one." What I really believe he was asking was, "When will I reach the point to where I don't have to try so hard, and I can just maintain?" In that situation, the end result of maintaining is "doing wrong." There is a danger in "maintaining" that we seldom consider before we begin, because the entire premise behind maintaining is the privilege of easing up a little. I can't think of any area of life where that's safe. I remember one day as I was moving a big group of ladies' blouses from one rack to another, I said to myself, "I'm gonna squeeze hard enough to lift these blouses from the rack and make sure I just maintain the same grip without trying to squeeze harder." The result: Blouses all over the floor. I once heard a preacher talking about our walk with God, and he said there is no such thing as maintaining our spiritual life at the same level...we're either getting closer to God or we're drifting away. I've found that to be true in basically any area of life that requires effort. We must continually try to squeeze harder. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDV

Angie and I have worked hard down through the years trying to make a better life for ourselves and those we love. We've had some measures of success, but we've also made our share of mistakes. Although things aren't, and never will be, exactly the way we want them, on the whole, we've done okay and we're living a happy middle class life. What we have wasn't given to us...we earned it. We sleep cool in the summer and warm in the winter; we each drive a nice reliable vehicle; we take nice trips; we eat at nice restaurants; we wear quality, fashionable apparel; and we buy nice gifts for our grandchildren. We firmly believe that what we have worked so hard to attain is ours to use the way we see fit. Let's take it one step further. I am the eldest of four children. My parents could not afford to send me to college, and even if they had been able to save enough down through the years for my education, there's no way they could've done it for four of us, which would've led them to the decision, "Don't give something to one that you can't give to everyone." That means that my education was totally paid by me. Therefore, if there are those who are less fortunate than I am because of the fact that I have a better education....well, I worked and paid for that too. There again, nothing was given to me. I guess what I'm I'm trying to do is state my case that I owe nothing to any part of society that does nothing for me. Technically, and maybe even legally, that may be true. But if I lived by that philosophy, what would it say about me? I'm afraid it would bear out that, even though I may feel compassion, I don't act on it, possibly because I want to make sure that the wants and needs of my family are taken care of first. Maybe I would need to go back a couple weeks and re-read what I wrote about how, as a child of God, created in his image, I live a life that is better than I deserve. I would also need to consider the fact that the way I was raised most definitely had a positive effect on the man I became, which means that I can't take all the credit for any success I've had. If I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that I've had some opportunities that don't befall every individual, but does that obligate me to give a portion of what's mine to those who have less? The answer is, "No, it doesn't." However, if I am to become the kind of man I say I want to be, I have to go beyond obligation. It must be done while bringing as little attention to myself as possible, yet benefitting those who can do absolutely nothing for me in return. If it is to be done right, I must not receive any type of material reward for my action. As we do every Christmas season, our church is offering an "Adopt a Kid" program where people select names of needy children and fulfill their Christmas wish lists of toys and clothing. When I saw all the cards with the children's names and information, it was mind boggling, but it made me feel so much better when people were still wanting to participate long after all the cards had been taken. It made me realize that there is a large number of people who feel the same way I do about helping those in need. I am a firm believer that when we go above and beyond what's comfortable in order to help those in need, we find that, miraculously, what we're able to do for our own families is in no way diminished. It's a principle of giving that can't be proven by science or with a calculator, yet it works over and over again. But it only works when we take the plunge and do it. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDIV

Walking down the hall at school, between classes, I finally had enough, and on the spur of the moment I decided to do something about it. My friend, C.K., had been sneaking up behind me and thumping my ear, and that can be painful...especially in cold weather. I was eleven years old and I handled it the way the typical eleven year old would.....I turned around and hit him as hard as I could with my fist. He looked stunned and said, "Ouch! That hurt." I said, "Well, quit thumping my ear." Although the way I dealt with the situation may have been childish, it worked, and C.K. and I remained friends until we graduated. There's another way of dealing with conflicts that is used by adults that I didn't know about at that time. Instead of hitting C.K., I could've slapped myself. That may sound a little unorthodox, but when you think about it, don't we grownups sometimes use that same tactic? What we do is get mad and hold a grudge against the other person, often refusing for years to forgive. If I had done that when C.K. was thumping my ear, it would've brought me basically the same results as if I had just slapped myself, because the person who refuses to forgive is the one who pays the price. I like the way my cousin, Ron Brigmon, said it, "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies." There is a possibility that somewhere along the way I have unintentionally offended someone and they are carrying a grudge against me even as we speak. Unfortunately for them, however, I don't know about it and I'm happily living my life, completely oblivious to the fact that someone has an issue with me and won't let it go. If I knew about it, I would sincerely apologize, which would then put the ball in their court to forgive. If they refuse, it may or may not upset me, but the burden they have to carry will stay with them until they choose to let it go. The one who refuses to forgive is always the one who pays the greatest price, whether or not the other party suffers. I know of one situation where a man is holding a grudge so strongly against someone else that it is affecting his health. There is no way now that the offending party can undo the damage that was done, and he deeply regrets what happened. The only thing he can do now is apologize, which he has done, but his apology has not been accepted, which means that the situation remains unrectified. The only person who can fix it now is the person who refuses to do so, even at the expense of his own health. Unless he lets it go, his life will soon be over, and at that point, the situation will be resolved. I'm not saying that hitting someone is the best way to solve an issue; in fact I admitted it was childish. What I AM saying is that my problem was resolved long ago and C.K. and I went back to being friends. What grownups should do is work out our differences and get them behind us. That's the way kids deal with conflicts. We adults could learn a few lessons from them. Preston