Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDIV

Walking down the hall at school, between classes, I finally had enough, and on the spur of the moment I decided to do something about it. My friend, C.K., had been sneaking up behind me and thumping my ear, and that can be painful...especially in cold weather. I was eleven years old and I handled it the way the typical eleven year old would.....I turned around and hit him as hard as I could with my fist. He looked stunned and said, "Ouch! That hurt." I said, "Well, quit thumping my ear." Although the way I dealt with the situation may have been childish, it worked, and C.K. and I remained friends until we graduated. There's another way of dealing with conflicts that is used by adults that I didn't know about at that time. Instead of hitting C.K., I could've slapped myself. That may sound a little unorthodox, but when you think about it, don't we grownups sometimes use that same tactic? What we do is get mad and hold a grudge against the other person, often refusing for years to forgive. If I had done that when C.K. was thumping my ear, it would've brought me basically the same results as if I had just slapped myself, because the person who refuses to forgive is the one who pays the price. I like the way my cousin, Ron Brigmon, said it, "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies." There is a possibility that somewhere along the way I have unintentionally offended someone and they are carrying a grudge against me even as we speak. Unfortunately for them, however, I don't know about it and I'm happily living my life, completely oblivious to the fact that someone has an issue with me and won't let it go. If I knew about it, I would sincerely apologize, which would then put the ball in their court to forgive. If they refuse, it may or may not upset me, but the burden they have to carry will stay with them until they choose to let it go. The one who refuses to forgive is always the one who pays the greatest price, whether or not the other party suffers. I know of one situation where a man is holding a grudge so strongly against someone else that it is affecting his health. There is no way now that the offending party can undo the damage that was done, and he deeply regrets what happened. The only thing he can do now is apologize, which he has done, but his apology has not been accepted, which means that the situation remains unrectified. The only person who can fix it now is the person who refuses to do so, even at the expense of his own health. Unless he lets it go, his life will soon be over, and at that point, the situation will be resolved. I'm not saying that hitting someone is the best way to solve an issue; in fact I admitted it was childish. What I AM saying is that my problem was resolved long ago and C.K. and I went back to being friends. What grownups should do is work out our differences and get them behind us. That's the way kids deal with conflicts. We adults could learn a few lessons from them. Preston