Thinking Out Loud, Volume DXXVIII

Every gentleman is a man, but not every man is a gentleman. Every lady is a woman, but not every woman is a lady. The good thing about it is, the rules for qualifying to be a lady or gentleman allow for mistakes, as long as the attitude and intentions are pure. What are some of those rules? I think the primary thing that has to be considered is how we treat other people. Is it always "my way or the highway?" Do we demand respect while failing to show others the same kind of respect we want shown to us? Are we tolerant of the mistakes made by our peers? A lady or a gentleman will not take advantage of someone else's weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Being a lady or gentleman doesn't just happen automatically...it has to be taught and learned. In most cases when we see a lady or a gentleman, we can point to some good parents who put forth the time and effort to create ladies and gentlemen out of their offspring. A few days ago my wife mentioned one of my best friends, and in my opinion, gave him a tremendous compliment when she said, "He is a gentleman." The event that put my mind on this topic happened just a few weeks ago. At a work related function, I met two young women the same day, and fortunately, they both qualify to be called ladies. One of the standards good parents try to instill into their kids is respect for their elders, and since I am quite a bit older than either of those ladies, I sensed that both of them respected me. It's just that they did it differently. Obviously among everyone who reads this post, there will be varying opinions as to which way is best, and while I'm not here to say one way is right and the other is wrong, I will explain which way I like best and why. Maybe the ten year age difference between the two ladies explains the difference in the way they showed their respect toward me, or maybe it's just a difference in their personalities. The younger of the two always put the word "Mister" before my name, and she answered my questions with "yes sir" and "no sir." The other young lady was less formal, yet there was just something about our conversations that made me feel respected. (I hope both of them could also sense the respect I have for them.) While my dialogue with the first one was more formal, the conversations with the second one were more comfortable. Okay, let me just be brutally honest. We teach our kids to respect their elders by using terms like "Mister" and "Sir," and I believe that's a good thing. It's a part of guiding them to the path of becoming ladies and gentlemen, but I have to tell you, I don't really want every younger adult I meet to call me by those titles. I prefer a friendship that is LESS formal and MORE relaxed. I honestly do appreciate the respect shown to me by the one lady, but I really feel more at ease with the other one. As an illustration of what I mean, let me give you an example of two ministers I know and the type of prayers they give when they are asked to pray publicly. The best way I know how to describe it is one of them puts on his "praying voice" and prays a beautiful, yet formal prayer, while the other one sounds like he is talking to his best friend. Yes, we have the example to follow in "The Lord's Prayer," but I also have to believe that sometimes God prefers casual conversations with us as his children and his friends. When it was time to leave that event, I left feeling richer due to the fact that I had made new friends. However, the truth of the matter is that four months from now I will have forgotten one of the lady's names, and she won't remember mine. The other one is a friendship that will last, and I'll bet you know which one it is....and why. Preston