Friday, January 8, 2016
Thinking Out Loud, Volume DI
It was just past lunch time, so I looked for a nice place to stop for a bite. The place I selected ended up being a little more upscale than what I would've ordinarily chosen, but since I was already there, I decided to go ahead and give them my business. The place was small and the tables were uncomfortably close together. My table appeared to have been pulled just a few inches away from the next table, just far enough to be able to be called a separate table. Seated there next to me were three young "thirty-somethings" who seemed to be frequent guests there, and they were apparently completely oblivious to my presence. Since I was no more than eighteen inches from the closest one, I couldn't help but hear their entire conversation as I ate in silence, and judging from their topic, they must have been in some kind of competition as to which one had the worst husband. (I also got the impression that their husbands were at work while their names were being smeared in the mud.) I was reminded of a young woman I had worked with a few years earlier who would come to work letting everyone in the office know just how sorry her husband was, until the morning she showed up with swollen eyes and a puffy face from crying all night because her husband had left her the night before. I thought she would've been glad.
On the other side of the equation, I've know numerous men who didn't necessarily run their wives down to other men, but they would publicly humiliate them in front of other people, treating them as if they were idiots. There, once again, I exercised my right to remain silent, while I wanted to shout at the guy and tell him that while his wife may not know right off which way is east, I was sure there were a lot of things she DID know that he didn't, but was too classy to point it out right then and there. One thing she knew was to keep her mouth shut at that moment, while he seemed totally unaware that publicly humiliating another person made him look much more foolish than she.
There's a lot about both of those examples I don't understand. First of all, if the person I chose to marry is such a dingbat and is so worthless, how bright does that make ME look? Secondly, does it make me look smart or cool to make sure everyone around is aware of the complaints I have about my spouse? Does that get me accepted into the "Cool People's Club?" But the big question I have is, do we sometimes have unrealistic expectations about other fallible human beings? While we're quick to point out that we're not perfect, do we expect perfection from everyone else? My wife has made some not so smart mistakes down through the years, but if she and I were to compete on who had made the most, I think we'd end up in a tie.
Truthfully, I believe the women at the table next to me who were complaining about their husbands, the same husbands who were working so their wives could afford to have lunch with their friends in a fancy restaurant, really loved their husbands and would probably be ashamed if I had recorded their conversation and played it back to them. The man who ridiculed his wife for not having a sense of direction could most likely point out a lot more things about her that made him proud, yet all of them got caught up in the moment, in the emotion of the conversation, and made human mistakes. But, you know, if we're willing to look in the mirror and take a look at ourselves the way we really are, we can learn from those mistakes and become better people. Hey, I know my wife is human and is subject to human error. She's knows the same about me. Between the two of us, who errs the most? I don't know. We're not keeping score.
Preston
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