Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCCLXXI

love Leslie Lamb. Over the past year or so, since she and I are both regulars at the Corner Coffee House (yes, the same one you've seen on Duck Dynasty), I've had the privilege of becoming acquainted with this lovely young lady, and I'm happy to report, she is now my friend. In addition to her beauty and charm, Leslie has a God-given quality that attracts people to her, and she is using that gift to make a positive difference in the lives of other people. We don't have to look far to see that drug abuse, illicit sex, pregnancies, and even suicides are much too common among the youth of our communities, and Leslie has dedicated her life to getting down in the trenches, not to condemn, but to provide a link to the Hope that so many of our youth feel is out of reach. Not everyone who knows her is aware of the dark road she had to travel to get to where she is today, so I've asked her to share her story with all of us. If you would like to follow her blog, you can go to www.lesliealamb.com and sign up to automatically receive them, or you can go to Teen Christian Ministries, the ministry that she helped found, by clicking on www.tcmlive.com . And now, I would like to introduce you to my good friend, Leslie Lamb. Preston Here's Leslie: I am fond of saying that God doesn’t waste any hurt, and sometimes it is the greatest pain that you experience in life that drives the passion to make a difference. I know it is so with me. It all began with my first wail of life into a family that loved me and cared for me. I was lucky. My parents had hearts for God and a desire to lead people to the Lord and go places that others weren’t willing. One such place was South Korea, and we moved there as a missionary family when I was just shy of six years old. Growing up in another country was difficult, but I loved it. It didn’t take long for my memories of America as my homeland to be replaced with magnificent mountain views and an Asian landscape. I was a foreigner in their land, but I didn’t seem to mind. I loved them, and I loved the land we called home. Some of my favorite years, though very much isolated, was the time that I had to be homeschooled and got to live and experience life with my Korean friends like never before… learning their culture, entrenched in their lives, and respecting their customs. As much as I loved being with them, I could not escape the fact that as much as I wanted to be, I was not like them. So, when I was in seventh grade, my parents made the heart-wrenching decision that I should go to boarding school. I didn’t mind. I liked the idea of making more, English-speaking friends, and I saw it as little more than a new adventure! Much of what boarding school brought me wasn’t great. In fact, much of it was painful and depressing, but I was good at pretending so no one really knew. It was best that way. No one else would get hurt. It was that kind of thinking that led me to decide one dark and desperate night when I was seventeen that they would all be better off without me. I remember it like it was yesterday, blade in hand, research done to know exactly where to make a lethal cut, and a plan to make it as clean as possible. It almost seems ridiculous that much of my suicide planning had been about not causing trauma in those that would come upon my dead body after. It is because of this that I disagree with people that say that suicide is selfish. I really thought I was doing them a favor, no matter my own pain and trauma. This is part of the lie of the enemy though, and he is good at deceiving desperate, hurting souls. Luckily, God used that moment in my life to speak to me. First with a picture of a young girl’s face and then with the words, “For her.” God’s language to us is rich and full of meaning. It was clear to me that I was not allowed to take my life. I was not allowed to destroy God’s plan and His purpose, and His power was felt! I remember trembling and putting down the razorblade, afraid and ashamed, I walked back to my dorm room and crumbled. God’s words echoed in my head jumbled with the voice of my enemy telling me I was a failure. I’d like to say that it was all gravy after that, but it was more like a vertical incline on a rock wall with barely a fingernail grip. But, He climbed with me – through the dark anger and depression and pain that had spiraled me down the pit of self-destruction to begin with. All the while, He promised me that He wouldn’t leave my side and He would bring purpose from my life. And He has. The words “For Her” have flavored my life and passionately drive me to make a difference for her, any her, who finds herself hurting and rejected and depressed with no hope. It is for her that I write stories that she can relate to and will give her the encouragement to push through to the other side. It is for her (and for him) that my friends and I started Teen Christian Ministries in order to reach out and empower teenagers to live for Christ and not be afraid to live out Love. It is for Christ, despite the battle I still fight from time to time with depression, that I strive to shine and make a difference. Twenty years ago He saved my life, and because of Him I have the opportunity to speak Life into others. That’s a privilege that I don’t take lightly, a purpose for my pain that I never expected but He faithfully promised. Leslie