Thinking Out Loud, Volume CCLV

From time to time someone will say some mean, hurtful things to me, and I almost always just stand there and take it without saying a word in my own defense. I'm not sure what their intentions are and why they feel that they have to low rate me to my face. Are they just not thinking or do they really want to make me feel bad? It's not that it happens all that often, except for this one guy in particular, who has now pushed me to the point to where I've finally decided that I'm not gonna take it any more. It's time to shut him up and put an end to this nonsense.

In a couple of previous blogs, I have talked about the difference between over-reactors and under-reactors, and like I said, I place myself firmly in the camp of the under-reactors. When I tell you some of the things he has said to me, some of you who fall into the other category...the over-reactors...may want to rush to my defense and bring this guy down a button hole or two. I'm asking you not to do that. I feel that this is a situation I can handle on my own, but if I decide that's it's too much for me to deal with, you'll be the first to know. One of the reasons I'm even mentioning it to you in the first place is that by writing this, I'm taking the first step in taking control of the situation; and the second reason is in case you ever have to deal with the same type of circumstance, you may be able to use my experience as a learning exercise.

Before I go any further, I must admit that this same guy has said a lot of nice things to me as well. But isn't it strange how someone can say kind words to us everyday, yet if they say one word that's hurtful, that's what we are most likely to remember? However, this one individual has said so many mean things to me, there is no way that I can recall even half of them, not to mention the complimentary things he's said. Let me give you a small sample of just a few of the adjectives he's used to describe me: lazy, fat, ugly, stupid, clueless, etc. He told me I was a terrible singer. He told me I was such an awful runner that I should give it up. Once he said that if I had any talent, I've sure kept it hidden from him, because he's never seen it. One time he even called me a fake. But what can I say to someone who says all these spiteful words to me, yet when I look at him, he's better in every one of those categories than what he said I was? Well, that leads me to my next question....what kind of person would say such mean things to someone in the first place? I'd love to tell you that I would never say anything like that, but I'd be lying. Because, you see, the person who said all those nasty things to me was....me. I said them to myself.

Those were words I would never say to someone else, yet I said them to myself. I respect each of you enough that I don't want to ever hurt you, but what about my own self respect? Yes, I'm aware that sometime we have to have a little reality check, but there's a difference in looking for ways to improve and being downright rude. The names I called myself are names I wouldn't call my worst enemy, and I love me, so if I don't want to be the type of person who is abusive to the one I love the most, then I have to start treating myself more kindly and with more respect; because if I continue to call myself bad names, I'll eventually become what I tell myself I am.

Now do you see why I didn't want you to be too quick to jump on the person who was being so rude to me?

Preston