Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLVII

The least I should be able to expect from my wife is loyalty. You know what I mean. I need to be able to take comfort knowing she is not running me down to her friends and coworkers. I deserve that much, don't I? Or do I? Yes, I do deserve it...but only if I have provided the same kind of loyalty to her. In other words, the only type of loyalty I deserve FROM her is the exact same kind I have given TO her. There's a rule of thumb we must always keep in mind when dealing with other people: I must be willing to give what I expect to receive. I have absolutely no reason to complain about my financial status, but it sure would be nice to receive a nice big boost to my bank account right about now. The question is, do I deserve it. Well, let's look at reality. I don't have to look far to see others who are in a much worse shape than I'm in....people who need that financial boost much more than I do. Have I done anything to help any of them? If not, how do I even have the gall to ask others for something that I, myself, am not willing to give? One of the most simple, yet cherished, gifts a person can receive is a friendly smile, and I have to tell you, I've learned a lesson in that department: If I smile first, most people will respond by smiling back at me. The kicker is that someone has to act first, and, well, it just as well be me. It's often been said, "To have friends, you must show yourself friendly." It's only logical. Who wants to become friends with an unfriendly person? If I want to BE loved, I must be willing to SHOW love. Do I deserve love when I don't give love? If I want generosity, I must be generous. If I want you to be honest with me, I must always be truthful with you. The same principle also holds true in reverse. What I DON'T WANT from you, I must not give to you. For example: I don't want you gossiping about me behind my back, but do I gossip about you? I've worked with people who became furious when they felt that someone was trying to beat them out of some money, when all the while they were trying to find a way to get out of having to pay a legitimate debt. So many times, we adults act just like children in that respect. We will scold a child for crying about the punishment he received for being disobedient, then we drive 83 mph in a 70 mile zone, and curse the cop for giving us a ticket. What I give is what I deserve to receive, be it good or bad, and that means, if I give it, I deserve to get it back in return. With that in mind, I've come up with a new plan for my life: I'm gonna hit less and hug more. I've got a good feeling about this. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLVI

Bon Voyage. Have a good trip. Drive safe. Those are all comments we make to our friends when they're about to embark on a journey. They're phrases we all use very casually, although we do mean it, because, after all, we certainly don't wish for anything bad to happen to them. However, when I think about those words, my mind goes back to the days prior to January, 2007, when my mom was still living. I often made that hour and a half trip over to her house, and every time when I started to leave, she would say, "Son, please be careful." I assure you, there was a difference in the way those words were spoken compared to the way we so casually throw them around. It was more like a desperate plea that came from every fiber of her being, from the top of her head to the end of her toes. I believe even someone from Peru or China, who didn't understand a word she was saying, would have been able to detect that difference in her tone of voice. If you have an infant who has not yet learned to talk, or maybe even a pet who will never learn to speak, chances are, they have already grasped the ability to interpret your tone of voice. Speak soft, gentle, loving words to your baby, and she will respond in kind, but if you speak harshly to her, she will pucker and begin to cry. I remember one time when I was in college, living in the dorm, and I had stepped across the hall to visit my friends when I heard my phone ringing in my room. A long-haired boy named Cholla who lived down the hall had put some fake teeth in his mouth and pulled his hair in front of his face, and he was waiting in my room. He had someone else dial my number to get me to my room. I opened my door and grabbed the phone just as Cholla came at me saying "Ooooooooooo." I tried to be cool and answer my phone, but I said "HELLO" loud enough to wake the dead. It was no use pretending it didn't scare me because my tone of voice with just the word "hello" gave my secret away. If you're upset with me, regardless of what you say, your tone of voice will tell me how you really feel. In my line of work, I've learned to determine if a potential client is interested in my product....not so much by what he says, but more in how he says it. Tone of voice will indicate fear, anger, desperation, nervousness, love, frustration, sincerity, admiration, apathy, etc. It takes a skilled communicator to be able to override and mask how he really feels, especially to a good listener. Parents, specifically mothers, have a special sense of being able to recognize the fact that something is not right with her children, even when they insist "everything is fine." With my job that requires a lot of travel, I often hear the words, "travel safe," and they really mean it. But when my mom said it, although she may have used the exact same words, the phrase meant so much more. I could hear it in her voice. Preston Sent from my iPad

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLV

Leon was a non-smoker. He was quick to let everyone know it too. If you had any kind of halfway lengthy conversation with him, he would touch on the topic of how bad smoking is, and how he didn't believe in it. His son, GW, was a different story, however. He went through about a pack a day, and he didn't care who knew it. He was in his late teens, still living in the house with his parents, and apparently they allowed him to smoke at home. I was in high school at the time, also working part time in a little country convenience store, and Leon would often stop by and pick up a couple packs of cigarettes for "that boy." So many times, "that boy" would come by a couple hours later and buy his own cigarettes.....a different brand than what Leon had bought. If I can insert a word of wisdom here, "Smoking in secret doesn't fool many people for long." Although Leon didn't realize it, most everyone in the community knew the truth: Leon was a smoker. Angie & I lived in Crowley, LA for seven years, and during that time we made quite a few friends in that area. One of them was a lady named Gloria, and her husband, Clifton. Gloria had a prestigious job in town, and was well known in the community. She was one of those we could call a "good friend." Eventually, we moved away and over time I began my current career, which requires a lot of business travel. One trip took me to Lafayette, which is near Crowley. I finished up my day's work fairly early, so I was able to check into my hotel by 4:00 pm. When I got in my room, I noticed a gap in my curtains, so I walked over to try to pull them together a little better....just in time to see Gloria pull into a parking slot at the hotel. At first I thought, "What is she doing here?" Then I saw her meet a man, who was not her husband, and they entered a room together. After about an hour, they both left. Well, it was none of my business, so I kept that information to myself, but I never forgot it. The two stories I just told you happened a long time ago, but I'm a little more kind hearted than a typical news reporter might be, so although they are true, I changed the names of the characters...for more than one reason. First of all, it's not my place to spread unsavory information about anyone, and secondly, how many of us have our own little secrets from our past that we don't want published? The point I want to make, however, is that our secrets may not be as secret as we think. No doubt, what Leon thought he was hiding was known by a multitude of people, but I have no way of knowing who all knew about Gloria's indiscretions. I may be the only one. One thing for sure, she has no idea that I know. Even though her secret is safe with me, I'm certain she would prefer I didn't know. The things you and I want to keep hidden may or may not be different from those of Leon and Gloria, yet we still want to protect them from becoming public knowledge. It would serve us all well, though, to recall the words of Abraham Lincoln, "You can fool all the people some of the time, and you can fool some of the people all the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time." Yes, we all have our little secrets that we hope no ever finds out about, but chances are, the word is already out. Preston Sent from my iPad

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLIV

I wanted to see the ship, but the reason I was so excited about boarding really had little to do with me. The United States Navy had retired one of their older destroyers, the USS Orleck, and she had been moved to the Calcasieu River in Lake Charles, Louisiana to be made into a museum. Just a couple years before his death at age 91, my father in law had volunteered his time, expertise and labor to construct hand rails on all the stairs on the ship to get it up to code as an attraction for the general public. One Saturday morning when we had gone down to visit him for the weekend, he decided to take us to tour the ship before it actually opened as a museum. We had taken our grandson with us on the trip, and I got my biggest thrill by just observing his wide eyed amazement as we were about to board. However, none of us could have known that his excitement level was about to double before any of us ever stepped on board. As we started across the gangway leading from the shore to the ship, we looked down to the water below just in time to see a huge alligator swimming upstream, no more than four feet directly beneath our feet! Lake, who was about six at the time, said later, "I liked seeing that alligator as much as I did the ship!" A couple weeks ago, near the end of an extended road trip, my job took me to Galveston, Texas, which is actually an island just off the Texas Gulf Coast. As I started for home that next morning, the route included a twenty minute ferry boat ride that took us past at least a dozen ships that were waiting in line to get to the port, and there must've been a least a hundred sea gulls swarming our ferry, diving down to the water in our wake, looking for food. It was an interesting sight, but the whole time I was wishing I had Lake and Lennon with me. Can you still remember how things excited you so much more when you were a child than they do now? Driving over a really high bridge. Taking a ride on a tractor. Moving your arm up and down, signaling the driver of the 18 wheeler to blow his air horn for you. Eating a Popsicle. The list goes on and on. Then as we grow older, all those fun things gradually begin to lose their appeal and we just settle in for the more hum drum, laid back style of life. Oh, if we could always look at life's experiences through the eyes of a child! The best we can do now is have our kids and grandchildren with us as much as possible, but there's something else we might could try when they're not with us. All it takes is a little imagination, and we became imagination experts when we were kids. I tried it on that ferry boat trip, and it worked pretty well. I just made believe they were with me, envisioning myself showing them all the sights. Most of us adults have lost that wide eyed look at the little things of life, but if we can just pretend we have our little ones with us, we can get it back. When our kids can't be with us, we can "play like" they are. Life is so much more fun that way. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLIII

Today's topic is.....well....uh...okay, it's a man's perspective about a certain part of the female anatomy. Do I now have your attention? If you will read all the way to the end before you write me off as a dirty old man, you'll understand more clearly my reasons for discussing this subject. My goal is to be as brutally honest and as directly to the point as possible. Here goes: No doubt, when a little girl is about to the age to where she begins to change from a girl to a woman, she looks in the mirror every day, watching for some little bumps to appear on her chest. In a public setting, we usually refer to them as breasts, although we have an almost endless supply of other names for them, such as boobs, tits, hooters, etc. There have been times when I've seen an individual with long hair, and at first it was difficult to determine if it was male or female, so I looked to see if there were some boobs present. Every woman wants them, and every man loves them. Women want it to be evident that they're there under their clothing, yet the actual breasts are extremely personal, to the point that they are kept hidden from everyone except their husbands. We can discuss breasts in general with anyone, like I'm doing now, but we're not supposed to mention any individual woman's breasts, due to their personal nature. For example, I can say, "I like that dress you're wearing," or "You have beautiful hair," or maybe even, "Your skin tone is gorgeous," but it would not be appropriate for me to say, "Hey, nice boobs." They're a beautiful part of a woman, and they're as varied in appearance as the women are themselves. Some women have had surgical procedures to make them bigger, while others have had breast reduction operations, although I'm not aware of any situations where breast size kept any young lady from attracting a mate. However, we men do appreciate women who try hard to make themselves as beautiful as possible, and breasts are definitely a part of that equation. Now to my point: There's one aspect on this topic that I find alarming! I've already mentioned the extremely personal and private nature of women's breasts, but there is becoming a much too frequent occurrence when individual women's breasts are becoming a topic of conversation of everyone who knows her, and it appears to be especially prevalent in Northeast Louisiana, where I live. What self respecting lady wants her breasts to be discussed in the living rooms of all her neighbors? But that's exactly what happens when a woman hears that dreadful news, "You have breast cancer." Suddenly that part of her that adds so much to her attractiveness and beauty becomes a source of distress, anguish and fear. She then begins to worry that in the eyes of those around her, she will seem less feminine and will be missing part of what makes her a woman. We men don't see it that way. We're distressed to hear the news, and all we want is for you to get well, whatever it takes. I can name several women who have come through that awful ordeal with such courage and grace that I actually end up having a higher opinion of them. We hate it for you when you have to have one of your "girls" removed, but it can be replaced with a new one that looks just as good. Yes, ladies, I admit, we LIKE your boobs, but we LOVE you, and we just want you well. Believe me....we're on your side on this one. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLII

At what point should a person say, "Okay, this part of my life is over?" I can remember famous athletes who decided to retire while they were still at the top of their game, while others stayed on well past their prime, literally to the point to where they rarely saw any action. Which one made the most wise decision? Maybe that answer depends on each individual's frame of mind and his ability to face reality. A few weeks ago as I turned on the TV and started flipping channels, I landed on a station where a very popular singer of the late 60s and early 70s was performing. Since that's my era and I knew most of the songs he used to sing, I stopped to listen. I'm not sure how old he is now, but since he was already big when I was in high school, I assume he's a few years older than I am. He was doing one of his old hits, but when he reached the part of the song where there are some high notes, his voice cracked and he went a little flat. Been there and done that! I really felt bad for him, but I also thought, "Hey man, it's time to face facts and let it go." As I think about a person's ability to face reality, I realize all of us will reach the point where we'll have no choice in the matter. We'll face it whether we want to or not. The question is, will we make the decision on our own as to when it happens, or will we wait for others to tell us. It seems to me that there are really no good options there, yet I'd rather decide for myself than to wait for another person to point it out to me....assuming I'll still have all my mental facilities. I've recently had to face one of those realities in my life, but for now, most of those decisions are still ahead of me. When will I have to retire? When it's time for me to stop driving, will I be able to make that decision, or will someone else do it for me? It's known as the cycle of life. We're all here on a temporary basis because aging is a natural process, and no amount of Botox or hair dye can stop it. I'm doing my best to stay fit and healthy, yet for you, me, and everybody else, the clock keeps ticking and the time of those decisions is rushing toward us. As for me, I feel that my best bet is to keep an open mind and always be ready to look reality square in the face, because if I don't, someone else will. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDLI

In my line of work I have to have several suitcases to use for my samples. I don't know if you've priced luggage lately, but what I've seen is ridiculous! My frustration has caused me to go against my own philosophy, and not practice what I have preached. I've violated my principles and gone to the big discount stores to try to save a few bucks, but even there the prices are outrageous, and I consider myself lucky if they last through two seasons without a broken zipper, messed-up wheels, or a handle that's stuck either open or closed. I was complaining about it to one of my clients, and he reminded me about something I already knew: I come out cheaper in the long run if I go with better quality; so when I bought my next one, I paid more than double what I had been paying, and went with LL Bean, and bought a suitcase that's guaranteed for life. The difference in the way it handles, the quality of the zipper, and the overall appearance of the item is very noticeable. In the past few years, I have developed an appreciation for quality that I didn't have as a younger man. Before, I went by how an item looked on the rack. For instance, in the store, the difference in the quality of two shirts may not be as apparent as it is once they've been worn and washed a couple times. When they're hanging on the rack, we don't see the collar not laying flat, the buttons not staying buttoned, the color running, or the holes that just appear in the fabric. That cheap belt hanging on the rack may look nice, and the label may even say "Genuine Leather," but in most cases the actual leather is as thin as paper, and will crack and peel after it has been worn three or four times. I'm well aware of the temptation to head to the big discount store when finances are tight, but it's the worst thing a person can do. I've often thought about how poor people end up paying more than their more affluent neighbors pay for most things. The affluent pay their utility bills on time and avoid late charges. The affluent pay the entire balance on their credit cards every month and avoid big interest charges. The affluent put better tires on their cars and get more mileage from them. The affluent put better faucets on their sinks, and never have to replace them. The affluent buy better clothes that look good longer and last longer, cutting back on how often they have to buy new ones. There are a lot of stores that sell quality brands at reduced prices. The way they do it is by purchasing last years styles from the manufacturers, but they still look good and the quality is still there. Also, the regular stores will often have some great buys at the end of a season if the regular prices are unaffordable. Just like most everyone, I prefer buying quality, but I had a temporary mental lapse when I was constantly having to purchase new luggage. I've now recovered my senses and started buying quality again, and I remember that always buying the cheapest of anything will NOT save me money. Preston