Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXXVI

I think it was back in '94 when I came up with my brilliant idea....we should put together a "couples trip" for the married couples in our church. It worked the way it was supposed to, I guess, with me being the one in charge of organizing it and putting it together, since the whole thing was my idea. We ended up with twenty-seven couples (fifty-four people) making the trip, and as far as I know, everyone had a great time. Well......almost everyone. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it, but planning two days and nights worth of activities and then making them happen requires a lot of work, so while most everyone else was having a good time, I was busy making sure we were ready for the next event. Someone had to do some work so all the others could have all the fun, and on that trip, I was that person. Every year around Thanksgiving time, we have a big family get-together at my sister's house. It's for my siblings and me, along with all our kids and grandchildren...a whole bunch of us. My brother in law always gets up before daylight and begins the work of roasting a hog for us to eat for our afternoon meal, and that's a job he has to stay with until meal time. While it's true that there's almost always someone out there with him, most of the activity is taking place either in or around the house, but he's so busy he has to miss out on everything but the roasting. Angie loves to cook for the family, a job she can handle with considerable skill. The trouble is, we can't all fit in the kitchen, so the family room is the place where all the good conversation is taking place, but she doesn't get to participate in much of it. Afterward, someone will mention something about something that was said earlier, and she doesn't know what we're talking about because she was in the kitchen when that subject was discussed. Whatever big activity is taking place, someone has to be responsible for making it happen, and that person has to miss out on much of the fun. It's not fair, but that's the way it is. It's not practical to always rent a building and hire a caterer, and when you do, you lose the atmosphere of home. Why don't you and I try to come up with a viable answer to this dilemma. I have no doubt there's a solution to the problem......I just don't know what it is. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXXVII

He had to attend an extremely important meeting in a city that was about a four hour drive from his home. Since missing that meeting was not even an option, what he should've done was to have made the trip the afternoon before, but he had chosen to get up very early the day of the meeting and make the drive in the pre-dawn hours. (The setting of this story is in the 1960s, so it was well before the days of cell phones.) As luck would have it, he blew a tire about 5:30 am, somewhere way out in the country. As soon as he opened his trunk to retrieve the spare tire, he remembered that he had used the jack a couple days earlier on a project at his house and had failed to put it back in his car. "Now what do I do?" he wondered. He recalled seeing a house no more than a half mile back, so he decided to walk back there to see if they would loan him a jack. When he started walking, he began to think about the fact that there were no lights on in the house when he passed, which meant the occupants were probably still asleep. Naturally, hearing a knock on the door before daylight would alarm them. Would they even answer the door? If they did, would he find himself staring down the barrel of a shotgun? They might be so angry at being aroused from their sleep they would want revenge. The more he walked toward the house, the more he imagined every possible scenario that could play out when he arrived. When he finally found himself at the front door, his mind was in the process of playing out a possible conversation with an inhabitant who was so mad, he was refusing to loan him the jack. He knocked and waited, while his mind was still whirling. Eventually, the door opened, and a man said, "What can I do for you?" The traveler, whose mind was still in the "imagining" stage replied, "Well, it's your jack, so you can just take it and stuff it!" He immediately realized how foolish he had sounded, so he quickly corrected his tone as well as words. As it turned out, not only did the owner of the house loan him his jack, but he also drove him back to his car and helped him change the tire. My dad read that story in a magazine, and told me about it when I was just a kid. Although it turned out to be a little humorous near the end, it's gives us a good picture of human nature. Have you ever let your mind take you through some dreadful scenes of an event before it ever happened? I am so guilty!! Let's say your boss calls and leaves you a message to call him back as soon as possible. Here are a few of the scenes that play out in our minds before we call him back: "Maybe he's gonna fire me. Or he might have found out what I told that customer who was so rude to me. I just know he's gonna make me work next weekend, and he is well aware we have plans." Why do we do that? We have a tendency to worry ourselves sick over events that have not yet happened, and will likely never happen. I realize fixing that problem is easier said than done, but self-improvement is never an easy task. If unpleasant scenes take place in our minds, the effect they can have on us can be almost as bad as if they had really happened, yet it's totally unnecessary. If something bad really happens, we can deal with it then, but there's no reason to live it out in our minds before it occurs, because in most instances, it never actually comes to pass; and if it does, it's usually not as bad as we imagined. Besides, if we imagine it, and then it actually happens, we have to live through it twice. After all, the boss just needs you to go by the post office and pick up some stamps on your way to work. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXV

  A few days ago a young lady posted something on Facebook that rubbed me the wrong way. Naturally, my initial instinct was to come back with a response that would set her straight and leave no doubt in anyone's mind as to where I stood on that situation, so I picked up my iPad and began my rant. A couple sentences later, however, I stopped and asked myself, "What are you doing?"  I quickly erased the words I had just written so I could give myself enough time to more carefully consider exactly what I wanted to say and how to say it.  As I sat there thinking, another question came to my mind, "What will this accomplish?"  Thankfully  it was at that moment when sound reasoning took over my mind and a cooler head prevailed. If I had answered my question with, "It would accomplish nothing," that would not have been a true statement, because something would have been accomplished.  The first thing I would've accomplished is hurting that young lady's feelings. Secondly, it would likely have set off a public dispute on social media that I would not have wanted to be a part of.  Now that more water has gone under the bridge and a few days have passed, I no longer have the desire to weigh in and sound off, although I still don't like what she said. You, me, and everyone else have moments in our lives when something will set us off and cause us to temporarily lose our temper, and that threshold is different for each of us.  As a general rule, I'm pretty good about keeping my temper in check, but on occasion, there are times when something will pull my trigger and cause a temper flare-up, and I say things that would be better left unsaid.  In most cases, within a short period of time after that happens, I will end up feeling totally ashamed of myself. That doesn't mean I become okay with the event that brought on my outburst, it's just that I have time to realize that explosive tempers rarely result in desired solutions to the situation. One day I was on my way to an appointment at Prien Lake Mall in Lake Charles, Louisiana, and I was in a hurry.  I passed a kiosk where an aggressive young salesman was flagging down shoppers so he could pitch his products. When I walked by in my typical mall fast-walk, he approached me and said, "Sir, may I have five seconds of your time?"  I stopped and said, "Five seconds."  He began showing his product and five seconds later I said, "Time's up" and walked on.  It was only a couple minutes later that I said to myself, "Preston, you're a jerk."  Even now, months later, I still have no interest in what he was trying to sell, and I don't like his sales tactics, but I do regret that I wasn't nicer and didn't handle it in a more diplomatic manner.  Fortunately, moments like that for me are more the exception than the rule, but when they happen, I still begin to regret them almost immediately. A moment of anger can destroy a lifetime of peace when we don't stop and let some time pass before we jump in and sound off.  The young man in the mall was someone I'll likely never see again, but there are times when friendships can be destroyed by momentary temper flare-ups.  Regarding the young lady who made the offensive post on Facebook and the man in the mall, most of us are less likely to mix it up with someone when our responses are written and it takes time to form our words.  It's those verbal rants that are more likely to get us in trouble.  Yes, there are times when something needs to be said, but in most situations, we'll be happier with the outcome when we think before we speak.  I don't mind saying "I'm sorry for what I said," but I prefer situations where no apology is needed. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXIV-Rewrite

Today is a day for brutal honesty. I live a double life. By that I mean the part of me the public sees is not the real me. I guess you could say I'm an actor. I walk with my head up, looking straight ahead; the picture of confidence, courage, security, holiness....like a man who is comfortable in his own skin. That's my act, but it's not really who I am. The real me is almost the exact opposite of the character I portray. The trouble is, like practically all other actors, I can't stay in character every minute of every day, and when I do slip out of character and the real me is exposed, it gets ugly. Those who are just occasionally in my presence only see the man I pretend to be, but those few who are around me more often, do at times, see me as I am, and for that, I apologize. Let's take a look at a couple of the characteristics I portray and see how they compare with the real Preston. First we'll discuss "the picture of confidence." I only wish the real me was like that. Here's what I'm really like in that respect: No matter who I'm with, I never feel like I quite measure up to the person they expect of me. In reality, maybe I do, but I never feel like I do. Sometimes I actually wonder how other people can like me or want to be around me. I'm constantly amazed at how I ended up with the wife who was made for me, because I was never confident enough to even ask a girl for a date. Seriously! I was too afraid of rejection. Fortunately, the only girl I could work up the courage to ask out became my wife. Those features don't describe a confident person. The other comparison I want to make is "the picture of holiness." I am a flawed individual! I do my best to live the life that I know God wants me to live, but I fall so short. I sometimes compare my "holiness act" with what's known as the "Little Man Syndrome,".....you know, when a man of small stature overplays his toughness act in an attempt to cover his insecurity of being so small. When it comes to holiness, I'm a dwarf, and as a result, I may have a tendency to overplay my holiness act. In fact, it has just recently occurred to me that I may overact so much that I might even be viewed by some as self righteous or having a "holier than thou" attitude. If they only knew the truth!! I'm so thankful for grace!!! I'm not sure why, but for some reason it seems like I've been slipping out of character and exposing the real me a little too often here lately, and when I do, it actually shrinks my confidence level and makes me become a man who's even less "comfortable in his own skin." The man I portray is the man I'm striving to become, but I have so very far to go to get there. I do find it somewhat encouraging, however, when I realize I'm not the only person facing the same issues. For those of you who do occasionally see me slip out of character, I ask you to please be patient and don't give up on me. But for now, it's time for me to put on my costume again....I have an act to perform. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXIV

The philosophy that says "I don't care what others think about me" is completely foreign to me, so lest there be any doubt, your opinion of me is something I DO CARE about. That's the reason I was so taken aback just a few days ago when I got a little dose of reality. It dawned on me that I've been giving forth vibes that cause others to have a false impression of what I really believe. If my actions cause others to form an opinion of me that's different from who I actually am, something needs to change. You and I each have our own set of personal standards we use to guide us in conducting our personal lives. In many ways, your standards will be similar to mine, but in just as many ways, they will be different. That does not mean one set is superior to the other, although, as humans, we may have a tendency to be critical of those who don't live by our set of standards. Living lives that are morally and ethically pure should top all our lists of standards, but otherwise, what's right for you may not be the same as what's right for me. Trouble starts when I try to impose my standards on you. I hope I'm not doing that, but somehow, I have apparently been giving the impression that I do. If my actions make you believe I'm uncomfortable in your presence as you live by your set of standards, I need to step back and re-examine how I act when I'm around you, because if I make you believe I'm uncomfortable in your presence, you WILL BE uncomfortable in my presence, and that's not how I want to live. This does not mean I have to change my standards when I'm with you, nor should you alter yours when you're with me. We should be able to co-exist without being forced to live identical lives. I have always believed we should all live a disciplined lifestyle, which means that none of us should have a haphazard way of conducting ourselves. Keeping myself in check, however, is a full time job, which means you're on your own when it comes to living your life. I'm a flawed individual, and so are you. The trouble is, the mistakes I make are not the same as yours, so if I overlook my own faults as I focus on yours, I'm doing both of us a disservice, and if I even give the impression that I have a "holier than thou" or a self righteous attitude, I'm not being the kind of Christian I want to be. Maybe that's where I've been. If so, shame on me. If you just knew how I really feel, I believe your opinion of me would change...for the better. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXIII

First I'll tell you what happened, then I'd like to list some of my own observations about the entire episode. A couple weeks ago I was out of town on business. I had a room on the first floor of the hotel, and I had gone to bed about 9:30, my usual time. As a frequent traveler, I typically get some of my best sleep in hotels, and this night was no exception....at least for the first twenty minutes or so. When events started to unfold, I was in a deep sleep, dreaming about trying to help my Uncle Tab (whoever he is) install a helicopter propeller on his laptop computer. At the same time that dream was occurring, however, some very real events were happening right outside my hotel window, less than fifteen feet from where I was in my state of slumber, completely oblivious to the world outside. Two young working men from Joplin, Missouri had just parked their truck in the back parking lot at the hotel, so they were eye witnesses, and later relayed to me everything that transpired before I, too, became a witness. A young male guest at the hotel was having a difference of opinion with a young female, and they ended up carrying their dispute into the back parking lot. She got in her car to leave, and he jumped into his small pickup truck and blocked her way, preventing her from leaving. She wasn't giving up, but each time she would move her car, he quickly maneuvered his truck around to block her. At one point she thought she saw an opening, and she gunned it, just as he pulled in behind her, resulting in her crashing into the side of his vehicle. This was her chance, or so she thought. Just as she started moving again, he put the pedal to the metal and slammed into the side of her car. (Just a few feet away, Uncle Tab and I were still frantically working on that propeller. I'm a sound sleeper.) At some point during all this madness, she had called her dad and told him she was in trouble and feared for her life. Dad must've lived pretty close, because in a very short period of time, he drove up and jumped out of his truck, pointing a pistol directly at the head of his daughter's tormentor. That's when the young man decided it was time to depart the premises. He threw his truck in reverse and stomped the gas. BAM!!! That's when I woke up, with emphasis on the word "UP." I levitated!! It felt like I rose at least three feet out of my bed. In his haste to escape, the young villain had backed into the side of the hotel, striking the building literally less than ten feet from....ME!!! It put a crack in the side of that three story building from the ground all the way to the roof. Three seconds later he had vanished around the corner of the building, hopefully out of my life forever. MY OBSERVATIONS 1) If I had been that dad, I think I would've done the same thing he did. I'm a mild-mannered man until my kids are in trouble. 2) Also, if I was that dad, when I got my daughter home, she would've had a lot of "splainin'" to do! 3) One more point about if I was that dad: Regardless of what my daughter had been doing, or how many times something like that had happened, all she would have to do is call, and I would come running, and I would deal with her after I knew she was safe. 4) I'm thankful for the sheltered life I've lived, and for the fact that that style of living is so foreign to me. 5) I need to make sure I thank God every day for the fact that my kids have turned out to be the kind of adults they are. 6) Even with all the excitement, I was sound asleep again in less than two hours. Sleepless nights are rare occurrences for me. 7) If I'm gonna be the kind of Christian I say I want to be, I need to pray for both that young woman and the young man, as well as their families. God loves them. So should I. 8) That hotel is the type of place where women business travelers stay alone and feel safe....it's not a sleaze-bag joint. Events like that can happen anywhere at any time. 9) I will go back to that hotel again. I've stayed there many times without incident, as I'm sure I will again. 10) When staying in a hotel, a person should always wear some type of sleeping attire. What if I wouldn't have been, and that little truck had crashed through my window, into my room. Not a pretty sight. 11) We never did get that propeller installed on that computer. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXII

Who of all of your family, friends, and personal acquaintances do you most admire? I'm not asking for names, or even that you personally respond to this message, but if you had to name the top five individuals whom you most admire from the above list, who would they be? Naturally the next questions as you think of each one are, "Why is that person on the list? What qualities does each one possess that would cause him/her to deserve that honor?" Maybe it's simply because I'm somewhat of a dreamer, but I can't help but wonder how it would feel to actually have MY name on someone's list. If that's the case, maybe I should look at the characteristics that placed each one on my list and see how I stack up. I'm thinking of one person right now. I won't call his name, but let me give you a brief description of some of his qualities and what he does and does not do that earns him the honor to be one of my top five. First of all, I believe him to be one of the most intelligent men I know, and I've learned so much from just being around him, although he is a man of few words. He teaches with his actions, and I'm learning from observation. He understands that knowledge is acquired, not by much speaking, but from much listening. He is not easily rattled. When trying times come, he remains calm and thoroughly thinks the situation through before acting. He is an open minded person, yet he is not easily swayed by enticing words of others. I've never heard him speak up and offer his opinion on topics he knows little about, but I HAVE witnessed him remaining silent as someone else spouts off uninformed opinions on topics in which he is well versed. He's slightly older than I am, and he has acquired a significant amount of wealth during his lifetime, but I've never heard him brag. I've never seen him lose his temper or his sense of humor. He has made his share of mistakes down through the years, but he'll be the first to admit when he's wrong, and he rarely makes the same mistake twice. He reads! Some of the best books I've read have come from his recommendations. He is completely devoted to his wife, his kids, and his grandchildren. He understands the verse from Ecclesiastes that says "....a fool's voice is known by its multitude of words." Wow! Can you see why this man made my list? Of course, if you watch anyone long enough (me included), you will also see some examples NOT to follow, but hopefully all of us who are constantly trying to improve our lives are aware of the fact that perfect people don't exist. However, if we will open our eyes and close our mouths long enough, we'll discover people within our circle of influence who serve as tremendous role models as we try to raise our standards. Who do you most admire? Whoever that person is for each of us, we can all be more like him/her. But first, we have to want to. Preston