Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXLIII

Grandma meant well. She was only doing the best she knew with what information she had at the time. For lack of a better term, let me just say she came from a less "enlightened" generation. One thing she could do well, however, was cook, and the memories of those scrumptious biscuits with cane syrup, fresh bacon, eggs and grits are permanently embedded in my brain. The smell of fresh bread baking in the oven permeated the atmosphere for a good quarter mile around her home. Breakfast time and dinner time were moments of great conversation and delicious food. It's just that now we know she was doing it all wrong, but like I said, she can't be blamed. Today we know better, so now we look back and pity Grandma for her ignorance. She didn't have Internet. She never heard of Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. The name "Google" had not even been invented during her time. Besides, she didn't have access to all the books we now have at our disposal. Her education was limited, so she didn't read much anyway....in fact, the only reading she did was The Bible, and she read it every day. It was her only source of information, which may explain her lack of enlightenment. As for us, we have an endless supply of books and blogs coming our way, and all of them are telling us how harmful Grandma's lifestyle was. One book will tell us how deadly her bacon and eggs were to those of us she loved so much. Then the next book comes out and tells us that the bacon and eggs weren't so bad, but, since her bread was made from grain, it was harmful food that would shorten our lives. We are so enlightened today we can keep up with how what's healthy changes from day to day. The foods that were vital for survival yesterday are deadly today, and will likely remain so for at least the next month or so before the situation reverses itself again when the next book comes out. Poor Grandma. All she had to guide her was The Bible, so her cooking styles remained constant down through the years. She had to rely on instructions such as "...what I have called clean, don't call unclean." She also had to depend on the words of Jesus when he said "Give us this day our daily bread." I'm sure she understood He was talking about food in general, but He used the term "bread." It was like He was saying "Give us this day our daily harmful food that will shorten our lives." In fact, He even referred to Himself as the "Bread of Life." Just yesterday I started searching for what people are saying on this topic, and I read a blog by an "enlightened" Christian blogger who said that since our bread is prepared different from the way it was then, those terms should not be taken literally. Maybe that lady should tell Jesus He used a poor choice of words. Grandma is NOT gonna tell Him that, and I'm sticking with Grandma. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXLII

I do the hardest part first when I work in my yard. It's what I call "weed-eating." When I get done with that part, I usually take a five-minute break to cool off a little before I get on the mower to finish the job. Sometimes, on the night before (when I think about it), I will put two Gatorades in the refrigerator so they'll be nice and cool for me the next morning. I'll drink one during that five-minute break time and another when my job is complete. I'll often think about those cool, refreshing beverages while I'm in the process of my toiling and sweating in the almost unbearable heat and humidity, and just that thought gives me the perseverance to stay with my task until it's done. Such was the case last week, but as I was thinking about how nice and cool that Gatorade was gonna be, another thought hit me: In some respects, we humans are a lot like that Gatorade. Let me explain. I keep several bottles of Gatorade on a shelf in my garage, and it gets hot in there. As a result, they're hot when I put them into the refrigerator. However, after spending just one night in the refrigerator, they're nice and cool for me when it's time to drink them. Why is that? It's because they adapt to the environment they're in, and it doesn't take them long. You see, last week I forgot about them the night before, and I didn't put them into the refrigerator until just before I started working. The first one I drank, during my five-minute break period, was cooler than it had been when I put it in the refrigerator, but it wasn't quite the way I like them. The second one, the one I drank at the end of my job, however, was just what the doctor ordered. We're the same way. When we find ourselves in a new environment, we will almost immediately begin to adapt. I have some relatives who grew up in the south, but when they became adults and started working, they moved to one of the northern states. When I saw them about a year later, they had already started to lose their southern accent and were sounding more like "Yankees." I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that; I'm just using that story as an example. Here's a similar example with a more negative result: I detest profanity, especially in the workplace. It's unprofessional. One day, however, after working a couple weeks with some "potty-mouth" co-workers, I was talking with a client and one of those ugly words slipped out of my own mouth. I felt humiliated and I apologized, but it just goes to show you how I was already beginning to adapt to my environment, even to the point of becoming the type of person I DO NOT want to be. Whether or not I want to admit it, I become like the people by whom I'm surrounded, and often times just who they are is my choice. It can be a good thing, or it can be a bad thing. A couple weeks ago Angie and I went out to eat with a group of friends from church, and on the way home I said, "Those are the kind of people I like hanging out with." On Saturdays, after our weekly "long run," I will have breakfast with other members of our running group.... health-minded friends who are a positive influence. No matter how strong or tough we think we are, we change to fit our environment. You see, you and I are like those Gatorades....we get cold when we spend the night in a refrigerator. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXLI

I've heard people talk about the effects peanut allergies can have on an individual, but I'm not aware of any of my acquaintances who actually have to deal with that malady. If I did know someone like that, however, it would be cruel of me to try to tempt that person with any type of food that may contain peanuts. Surely no rational thinking person would knowingly commit such a deed. It would be criminal. I heard one man, who was lactose intolerant, say that he had friends who would tempt him with ice cream. What were they thinking? From what I've heard, it's fairly common for recovering alcoholics to be offered drinks from thoughtless friends. To me, none of that makes sense. It would be like asking that person to drink poison. For those of us who are fortunate enough to not be affected by peanut allergies, lactose intolerance, or alcoholism, we can partake of any of those items without giving it a second thought, and hopefully if I choose to eat peanuts when I'm dining at Logan's, it will not offend the person who has peanut allergies. In fact, I often commit a double whammy...I like to drink milk with my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I can consume it without guilt, because it doesn't harm me. Therefore, the same things that may be okay for me may actually be harmful to others. That leads to the point I want to make. Do you know what I'm talking about when I use the term "personal convictions?" They are standards, or guidelines, used by individuals to help them govern their lives and keep on target for certain goals they may have set for themselves. These convictions may not be about anything unethical or even sinful...they're simply rules that a person sets for himself, and no two individuals will have the same set of convictions. Some examples of what I'm talking about may be certain types of clothing some people may choose not to wear, foods or beverages they choose to not consume, or maybe even certain types of music they choose to avoid, etc. It would be good if each of us would have a list of personal convictions to help us stay on track. There is an unwritten "code of ethics," however, that should be followed when dealing with personal standards. If I have a set of these convictions for myself, I must not try to impose them on you or anyone else. What's wrong for me may not be wrong for you. By the same token, if you have your personal convictions, in no way should I try to persuade you to change or violate any of them. I must respect you for your stand and realize you have your set of standards for a reason, even if I don't know what that reason may be. The same rules that apply to peanut allergies, lactose intolerance, and alcoholism should also be followed with personal convictions. Let's make a deal: I won't try to impose any of my personal convictions on you if you won't pressure me to change or relax any of them for myself, and vice versa. If we break this deal, it could be poisonous for us both. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXXIX

I'm an artist. So are you. Whatever we do, when others can see us, we're painting a picture for those who may be observing us at that moment, and it may not look at all how we want others to see it. To better explain what I mean, I will give you four short examples.....true stories others have told me as well as one I experienced myself. A man in New York was on the subway headed home from work. He was tired and wasn't in the mood for any kind of disturbance. Everything seemed to be going as he wished until at one stop a man and his three small children boarded the car he was riding. Almost immediately, the kids were climbing the walls while the dad just stared ahead, seemingly oblivious to the commotion caused by his offspring. Finally, the tired worker could take it no longer, so he complained to the dad, "Sir, your children are out of control." The dad looked up and replied, "Oh! Yes....I guess they are." He then explained, "We're on our way home from the hospital where their mother just died, and and they don't know how to deal with it. To be honest, I don't either. I'm not sure what we're gonna do." The worker's attitude changed instantly, but what about the other passengers in that car who didn't hear the conversation? As sad as that story is, the only thing they saw was a group of out of control kids and a dad who was doing nothing about it. We can't blame them for their frustration. A lady from my church told this next story. She said one of her pet peeves is when shoppers in the super market ignore the twenty item limit in the express check-out lane and attempt to go through that line with a cart full of groceries. A few weeks ago she had her own cart full, and she made her way to the appropriate check-out lane. The next lane over was the express check-out, and no one was in it. The express lane cashier said to her, "Come on over to my lane and I'll check you out." She replied, "I have more than twenty items." The checker then said, "It's okay. There's no one here anyway." So she moved. As soon as the cashier started scanning her items, a man walked up behind her with only two items, and it was obvious he was frustrated. He had a right to be disgusted, but my friend cannot be blamed for her actions either. She was doing nothing wrong, but the picture she was painting was that of a woman who was abusing the express lane twenty item policy, and the man with two items had a right to be disgruntled. A woman was planning a surprise fiftieth birthday party for her husband, and she wanted to rent a ballroom in a local hotel, so she made arrangements to go with the party planner to check it out before paying the deposit. It just so happened, however, that her husband passed that hotel at the same time, and what he saw was his wife walking into a hotel with another man. She was attempting to do something good, but the picture her husband saw was anything but good, and it's easy to understand why he would be upset. One more: Angie and I went to a restaurant one night with a group of friends, and I had to go to the restroom while we were there. I noticed there was someone in the stall right next to the urinal, and while I was washing my hands just before I exited, I heard the flush in the stall and a restaurant employee walked past me without stopping to wash his hands. I walked out just in time to see him walking back into the kitchen. I feel certain there's a sink in the kitchen he could use to wash his hands, but I have no way of knowing if he actually used it, so let's just give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he did. The restaurant could claim that since the employee followed company procedure, I have no legitimate complaint. However, the picture I saw was an employee ignoring the rules of proper hygiene, so whether he did or didn't wash his hands, can you understand why I'll never eat there again? My point is this: You and I can be on opposite sides of an issue, yet neither of us are really in the wrong. Both sides can have legitimate gripes about the other, and even present good arguments for each side of the issue and both of us be right. Our arguments are over superficial things, and it's all due to the pictures we've painted. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXXVI

I think it was back in '94 when I came up with my brilliant idea....we should put together a "couples trip" for the married couples in our church. It worked the way it was supposed to, I guess, with me being the one in charge of organizing it and putting it together, since the whole thing was my idea. We ended up with twenty-seven couples (fifty-four people) making the trip, and as far as I know, everyone had a great time. Well......almost everyone. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it, but planning two days and nights worth of activities and then making them happen requires a lot of work, so while most everyone else was having a good time, I was busy making sure we were ready for the next event. Someone had to do some work so all the others could have all the fun, and on that trip, I was that person. Every year around Thanksgiving time, we have a big family get-together at my sister's house. It's for my siblings and me, along with all our kids and grandchildren...a whole bunch of us. My brother in law always gets up before daylight and begins the work of roasting a hog for us to eat for our afternoon meal, and that's a job he has to stay with until meal time. While it's true that there's almost always someone out there with him, most of the activity is taking place either in or around the house, but he's so busy he has to miss out on everything but the roasting. Angie loves to cook for the family, a job she can handle with considerable skill. The trouble is, we can't all fit in the kitchen, so the family room is the place where all the good conversation is taking place, but she doesn't get to participate in much of it. Afterward, someone will mention something about something that was said earlier, and she doesn't know what we're talking about because she was in the kitchen when that subject was discussed. Whatever big activity is taking place, someone has to be responsible for making it happen, and that person has to miss out on much of the fun. It's not fair, but that's the way it is. It's not practical to always rent a building and hire a caterer, and when you do, you lose the atmosphere of home. Why don't you and I try to come up with a viable answer to this dilemma. I have no doubt there's a solution to the problem......I just don't know what it is. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXXVII

He had to attend an extremely important meeting in a city that was about a four hour drive from his home. Since missing that meeting was not even an option, what he should've done was to have made the trip the afternoon before, but he had chosen to get up very early the day of the meeting and make the drive in the pre-dawn hours. (The setting of this story is in the 1960s, so it was well before the days of cell phones.) As luck would have it, he blew a tire about 5:30 am, somewhere way out in the country. As soon as he opened his trunk to retrieve the spare tire, he remembered that he had used the jack a couple days earlier on a project at his house and had failed to put it back in his car. "Now what do I do?" he wondered. He recalled seeing a house no more than a half mile back, so he decided to walk back there to see if they would loan him a jack. When he started walking, he began to think about the fact that there were no lights on in the house when he passed, which meant the occupants were probably still asleep. Naturally, hearing a knock on the door before daylight would alarm them. Would they even answer the door? If they did, would he find himself staring down the barrel of a shotgun? They might be so angry at being aroused from their sleep they would want revenge. The more he walked toward the house, the more he imagined every possible scenario that could play out when he arrived. When he finally found himself at the front door, his mind was in the process of playing out a possible conversation with an inhabitant who was so mad, he was refusing to loan him the jack. He knocked and waited, while his mind was still whirling. Eventually, the door opened, and a man said, "What can I do for you?" The traveler, whose mind was still in the "imagining" stage replied, "Well, it's your jack, so you can just take it and stuff it!" He immediately realized how foolish he had sounded, so he quickly corrected his tone as well as words. As it turned out, not only did the owner of the house loan him his jack, but he also drove him back to his car and helped him change the tire. My dad read that story in a magazine, and told me about it when I was just a kid. Although it turned out to be a little humorous near the end, it's gives us a good picture of human nature. Have you ever let your mind take you through some dreadful scenes of an event before it ever happened? I am so guilty!! Let's say your boss calls and leaves you a message to call him back as soon as possible. Here are a few of the scenes that play out in our minds before we call him back: "Maybe he's gonna fire me. Or he might have found out what I told that customer who was so rude to me. I just know he's gonna make me work next weekend, and he is well aware we have plans." Why do we do that? We have a tendency to worry ourselves sick over events that have not yet happened, and will likely never happen. I realize fixing that problem is easier said than done, but self-improvement is never an easy task. If unpleasant scenes take place in our minds, the effect they can have on us can be almost as bad as if they had really happened, yet it's totally unnecessary. If something bad really happens, we can deal with it then, but there's no reason to live it out in our minds before it occurs, because in most instances, it never actually comes to pass; and if it does, it's usually not as bad as we imagined. Besides, if we imagine it, and then it actually happens, we have to live through it twice. After all, the boss just needs you to go by the post office and pick up some stamps on your way to work. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXXV

  A few days ago a young lady posted something on Facebook that rubbed me the wrong way. Naturally, my initial instinct was to come back with a response that would set her straight and leave no doubt in anyone's mind as to where I stood on that situation, so I picked up my iPad and began my rant. A couple sentences later, however, I stopped and asked myself, "What are you doing?"  I quickly erased the words I had just written so I could give myself enough time to more carefully consider exactly what I wanted to say and how to say it.  As I sat there thinking, another question came to my mind, "What will this accomplish?"  Thankfully  it was at that moment when sound reasoning took over my mind and a cooler head prevailed. If I had answered my question with, "It would accomplish nothing," that would not have been a true statement, because something would have been accomplished.  The first thing I would've accomplished is hurting that young lady's feelings. Secondly, it would likely have set off a public dispute on social media that I would not have wanted to be a part of.  Now that more water has gone under the bridge and a few days have passed, I no longer have the desire to weigh in and sound off, although I still don't like what she said. You, me, and everyone else have moments in our lives when something will set us off and cause us to temporarily lose our temper, and that threshold is different for each of us.  As a general rule, I'm pretty good about keeping my temper in check, but on occasion, there are times when something will pull my trigger and cause a temper flare-up, and I say things that would be better left unsaid.  In most cases, within a short period of time after that happens, I will end up feeling totally ashamed of myself. That doesn't mean I become okay with the event that brought on my outburst, it's just that I have time to realize that explosive tempers rarely result in desired solutions to the situation. One day I was on my way to an appointment at Prien Lake Mall in Lake Charles, Louisiana, and I was in a hurry.  I passed a kiosk where an aggressive young salesman was flagging down shoppers so he could pitch his products. When I walked by in my typical mall fast-walk, he approached me and said, "Sir, may I have five seconds of your time?"  I stopped and said, "Five seconds."  He began showing his product and five seconds later I said, "Time's up" and walked on.  It was only a couple minutes later that I said to myself, "Preston, you're a jerk."  Even now, months later, I still have no interest in what he was trying to sell, and I don't like his sales tactics, but I do regret that I wasn't nicer and didn't handle it in a more diplomatic manner.  Fortunately, moments like that for me are more the exception than the rule, but when they happen, I still begin to regret them almost immediately. A moment of anger can destroy a lifetime of peace when we don't stop and let some time pass before we jump in and sound off.  The young man in the mall was someone I'll likely never see again, but there are times when friendships can be destroyed by momentary temper flare-ups.  Regarding the young lady who made the offensive post on Facebook and the man in the mall, most of us are less likely to mix it up with someone when our responses are written and it takes time to form our words.  It's those verbal rants that are more likely to get us in trouble.  Yes, there are times when something needs to be said, but in most situations, we'll be happier with the outcome when we think before we speak.  I don't mind saying "I'm sorry for what I said," but I prefer situations where no apology is needed. Preston