Thinking Out Loud, VolumeCDXVIII

Are you reading this message on your phone?  If the answer is yes, is there someone there with you?  Okay, let me just get straight to the point:  While I sincerely want you to read what I have to say, I would prefer you don't do it at the expense of personal, face to face conversation. The advantage of written words is they can be read at a person's leisure.  The primary reason I text my friends and family is I don't know when they're busy, so I can send them a text and they can read it and respond when they are free. You see, I'm of the opinion if you're having a face to face conversation with someone else, it should take precedent over something that is written and can be taken care of later. I don't know how many times I've been working with clients and they will pull out their phone and start typing while I'm talking. Lately I've decided to stop and just wait until they're done before I resume talking. A few weeks ago I did that and she said, "Go ahead.  I'm listening."  So I resumed speaking, and then asked her a direct question. Her failure to respond let me know she was NOT listening. If it's something really important, I would understand. If she would need to get some feedback from someone else before making a decision, all she would have to do is let me know and I would understand that as well. Have you ever been talking to someone and while you're telling your story they started talking to someone else?  That's really rude and disrespectful and it doesn't make you feel very good when it happens, but if they pick up their phone and start typing, it's the same thing, producing the same uncomfortable feelings. I'm not saying I've never done this myself at times, but each time I see it happening, it makes me more aware of just how much it shows a lack of respect for the speaker and how it makes him feel....even if the speaker is their own child. Last week I talked about the importance we place on having personal contact with friends and family over coffee or a meal, and I must tell you, no one enjoys that more than I do.  Sometimes I need that face to face time where I can look the other person in the eye while we're talking, and I like for him to look me in the eye when I'm speaking to him.  However, if he picks up his phone and starts a non-verbal conversation while I'm talking to him, it makes me realize that he views my words as less important than than what the "texter" is telling him, and that's okay, but I'll keep it in mind next time. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXVII

Our bodies like it when we socialize with other humans. Think about it. We rarely socialize without giving our bodies something they crave. For me, it's usually coffee or a meal. For others it may be alcoholic beverages or a smoke. And for many of us, it also works in reverse. My job requires that I spend a lot of time on the road and in hotels, and as a result, I have become accustomed to eating or having coffee alone, but it hasn't always been that way. I can still remember going to a restaurant alone for the first time. Before I started college,I decided to get a part-time job, and I had to start work a few weeks before the beginning of school. I had relatives who lived in the same city as the college, and I stayed with them until school started when I could move into the dorm. One day they were all out of town, and I found myself having to go to dinner alone, and it occurred to me that I had never done that before. I recall having a such a knot in my throat it was difficult to eat, simply because I was eating alone in a restaurant. It's true that Starbucks has good coffee, and I'm sure that's the primary reason they have so many locations, but I also believe their tremendous growth has to do with the fact that they offer patrons a place to socialize while consuming their product. There's just something about eating and drinking that makes us want company while we're doing it; and there's something about visiting friends and relatives that makes us want to eat and drink. When our kids were still at home, we made sure we had a designated family meal time, where we could all sit at the table together and discuss the day's events over dinner, and Angie and I still do that, even though it is now just the two of us. Even at Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc., all our family activities revolve around a meal. As I travel around my territory, primarily Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, and Texas, I usually have breakfast in the same places each time I visit an area, and almost every place I go will have a group of guys who are in there for coffee every single day. I dare say that if it wasn't for the coffee, they wouldn't be there, but they wouldn't be out drinking coffee if it wasn't for the guys. For every big celebration, there's a big meal, and that activity can be traced well back into our history. When the Prodigal Son returned home, the fatted calf was killed for the big celebration. When Angie and I got married more than forty-one years ago, on the night before the wedding, we had a big rehearsal dinner....because that's the way it had been done down through the generations. They still do that today. Why do we have to eat or drink when we socialize? I'm sure there are as many opinions on that topic as there are readers of this blog. Maybe we can get together and discuss it sometime. Over coffee, maybe? Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXVI

When my daughter was a little girl, we subscribed to "Highlights Magazine" for her. It is a magazine for children, but she was a child, and she loved it! I remember one day she said to me, "I'm gonna keep getting "Highlights" even when I'm grown." I just smiled and didn't say anything, but I knew better, because she was thinking like a child. There was no way for her to think otherwise. Today she is an adult, and she thinks like an adult, but let's give it a little more thought. As an individual who has been around for more than six decades, I know how people think when they're in their 20s and 30s, because I've been there. What I don't know is how people think when they're in their 80s, because I've never been there. Are we really justified in being critical of someone who is older than we are, since we've never experienced life at their age? I wonder how many statements I've made to someone who is my elder, and he would just smile to himself because he understood my way of thinking would change over time. I sometimes do that now when I hear conversations of those who may be a decade or so younger than I am. My outlook on life has matured over time the same way my body has matured. Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about: I remember, as a young man, making the statement I was going to continue to follow all the latest hits on the radio as I aged so even as a senior citizen I would still enjoy listening to the same music as the young adults. Well, I can assure you that statement was coming from a mind that was much less mature than it is now, and my declaration didn't come to pass. None of us know when we will die, but as a sixty-two year old, I've had to come to grips with the fact that the time I have left on this earth is much less than the time I've been here, even though it doesn't seem like I've really been around very long. No doubt as I get even older, the imminence of death will become more of a reality in my mind. Unless a younger person is facing a terminal illness, those thoughts never enter their minds. Until we know how it feels to face the fact that death is just around the corner, maybe we should refrain from judging too harshly those who do know how it feels. It certainly has to affect anyone's way of thinking. If you're younger than I am, I may politely listen to you as you explain to me how I'm doing things all wrong, while in reality I'm letting your words roll off me like water off a duck's back. I will not be critical of you, however, because I've been there, and I've said the same things you're saying. Just a few weeks ago, we said goodbye to my father-in-law, a man I loved like my own dad and who was a vital part of my life for more than forty years, and we were there with him during his last few days and weeks of life. He was well aware of the fact his time on earth was over, and I couldn't help but wonder what was going on in his mind. I did see his way of thinking evolve over the decades. Although I hope to be around for several more years, I do understand, chances are, before too long, I'll have a pretty good idea of what he was thinking, because regardless of how much time I have left, my remaining time will seem like just a few days. I understand that now. As a young man, I never gave it a thought. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXV

I was just wondering if there are any of the commandments that we can disobey and get away with it. Yes, I know you're wondering if I have any particular one of them in mind. Well, yes, actually I do. As I think about it and look back over my life, I have to conclude that I have NEVER completely obeyed this one. So naturally, as a typical human, I started watching you, and it didn't take me long to figure out that you don't obey it either. Maybe, since both you and I are guilty of disobeying this particular one, we should ask if any of them are less important than the others, so I looked in to it, and I have good news and bad news. The good news: Apparently some of them are of somewhat lesser importance, because when the question was asked which of the commandments are the greatest, The Lord listed two as the greatest, and he said that all of the others hang on those two. Now for the bad news: The commandment I'm talking about is one of the two listed as the greatest. Now....if each of us would determine in our minds that we we're going to start obeying it and also convince one other person to join us, we could revolutionize the world! Let's take a look at how different things would be if we did. Here's the commandment: "Love your neighbor as yourself." The first things that come to mind are that we wouldn't steal or kill, but hopefully we don't do that anyway. But there's more. If I loved you as much as I love me, I wouldn't rush to get ahead of you in the checkout line at the grocery store. If I loved you as much as I love me, I would be just as happy to see your kids succeed in life as I am for my own kids. If I loved you as much as I love me, I would be tolerant of your mistakes and would show you as much grace as I want to be shown. If I loved you as much as I love me, I would do unto you as I would have you do unto me. If I loved you as much as I love me, I would never gossip about you behind your back. If I loved you as much as I love me, everything I tell you would be the absolute truth. If I loved you as much as I love me, I wouldn't try to talk you out of making a fair profit on the goods you're selling me, and I would never try to gouge you or take advantage of you when I'm selling something to you. If you were my waiter, I would tip you fairly, even when you're having a bad day. I would never have an ulterior motive behind the nice things I do for you. I would be tolerant of what I may consider to be your odd or annoying habits. I would never be jealous of you. I would never view my needs and desires as more important than yours. I would be just as willing to listen to you as I am to speak to you. I would ALWAYS be fair, honest, and considerate in all my dealings with you. That list could go on and on. The two greatest commandments: Love the Lord with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. If we would just concentrate on those two, we wouldn't even need to worry about those other ten...they would happen automatically. Let's try it and see what happens. Maybe others will like what they see and decide to join us. Preston Sent from my iPad

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXIV

After all the years of marriage, there was one thing she really wanted from her husband that he didn't provide. No, she wasn't the type to demand gifts or special weekends in a resort area....what she wanted was very simple...just a few short words. Finally she decided to tell him what she wanted. "You never say 'I love you,'" she said. He replied, "I told you that forty-five years ago when we got married. If it ever changes, I'll let you know." What he was failing to realize is that, as humans, there are a few things of which we need to be constantly reminded. In addition to hearing a loved one telling us we are loved, there is another area where those constant reminders are in order. That's what I want to talk about today. First, let me tell you about when I first learned this news of which I need to be reminded. When I first started getting past all of the basic, general education classes in college, and began the courses that pertained to my major, there were three guys who seemed to be in most all of my classes. Their names were Larry, Kenneth, and Fred. They were the most vocal in all the class discussions, and right away I determined that they were talking way above my head. Most of the time, I didn't have a clue what they were talking about, and I began to wonder if by taking that class, maybe I had bit off more than I could chew. My test scores, however, seemed to hold up okay, and at the end of the semester, it was with apprehensive optimism that I looked up my grade when the professor posted them on the wall. I made a B. I could live with that. And then, out of curiosity, I checked Larry, Kenneth, and Fred's grades. All three of them made a C. I figured out that I was doing better than the guys who sounded so smart. Then came the next semester and I had a class with those same three guys again, where the same process repeated itself, with me feeling like a dummy listening to those intelligent sounding discussions. In that class, I ended up with an A, while one of the three brainiacs had a B, and the other two had Cs again....a reminder that I was better than I thought. It was more than twenty years ago when a minister came to our church and asked us to grade ourselves as to our Christianity. I thought about his question and thought about what a flawed individual I am, and that led me to conclude that I was somewhere between a C- or a D+. Later that day a group of us were sitting in a restaurant discussing that sermon, and we all had given ourselves similar grades, but in his message he had told us that we're probably better than we think, because God understands that perfection is out of our reach. None of us are perfect and we never will be. Sometimes when I take a look at myself, all I can see are the flaws, but that's not how most other people view me....and it's not how God views me. There's only one person who's ever been perfect, and neither you nor I are that person. Anyone who expects perfection from anyone else is not being fair to that individual, and all he's doing is making that person feel more uncomfortable and intimidated. Sometimes we have a tendency to be critical of those whose sins are different from ours, but when we do, we're opening ourselves to the same type of criticism from them. What I'm saying today is in no way a license to live just any old way we want. Striving for perfection is a task we must always pursue, yet it's a goal we'll never reach. Like most things in life, it's all about attitude. Chances are, you and I are in better shape than we think, although it's a fact that we tend to forget sometimes. Let's keep reminding each other. Preston. Sent from my iPad

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CDXIII

My mind and my wife's mind work exactly the same.....up to a point. Then hers goes off and leaves mine behind. For example, let's say I walk into the kitchen and I see red liquid on the floor. My mind then says, "It looks like someone spilled Kool-Aid on the floor." A couple minutes later, she walks in, and her mind says, "It looks like someone spilled Kool-Aid on the floor." See, our thoughts were exactly the same, but mine stall out at that point while hers spring into action, and three seconds later she's on her hands and knees cleaning it up. I promise it's not because I'm lazy, and I really don't mind doing exactly what she's doing. Eventually it would occur to me to get a rag and start cleaning, but that process in my brain moves in slow motion. All of us are thinkers, but not many of us are doers. I'm sure there are some situations like that where laziness comes into play, but that's not always the case. Most of us would feel sorry for the homeless man standing without a coat in the frigid air, but only a few of us would actually do something about it. All of us would see the big box in the middle of the street, but less than half of us would actually take the time to stop and move it out of the way. All of us would feel gratitude for the service of those two soldiers we see walking through the airport, but only a few us us would actually express it to them. What's the difference? What makes some of us act while the rest only think about it? Is it because those few are better people or feel more compassion than the rest of us? I really don't think so. I'm of the opinion that almost every individual who reads the words I write every week is a good hearted, compassionate person. No doubt there are some who lack confidence in themselves to do an adequate job, but I believe the real reason is we just don't think about it. We haven't trained our minds to take that next step and order ourselves into action. I had seen the little stray puppy beside the street where we used to run every Monday morning, and I really felt sorry for him, but my friend Deena picked him up and brought him home. I guess I could've done the same thing, but honestly, it never crossed my mind. She says Ace has turned out to be a great pet and member of her family. I was aware of the family that was going through a period of financial difficulty, but it was Angie who came up with the idea of sending them a hundred dollars. I'm thankful she has strength in areas where I'm weak. So, is there hope for those of us whose minds are slow to action? I think so. It may take some time, but I believe if we go ahead and act when we do finally think of it, it won't be long until our response time will be cut in half. I want to learn how to become "The Good Samaritan." I'm tired of being the man who crosses to the other side of the street. Preston

Thinking Out Loud, Volume CD II

It was General Douglas MacArthur who uttered those famous words, "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away." Well, for the last few days, we have watched one of those old soldiers fade. At the moment he was inducted into the United States Navy during World War II, he became a soldier, and he remained a soldier until he took his final breath late Wednesday night. Not only was he a soldier fighting for our freedom, but he also became what is commonly known as a "soldier of the Cross" as a licensed minister of the Gospel. During the last few years of his life, he served as the chaplain for the Louisiana Vietnam Veterans Association. He was the most avid reader of my weekly writings, and he would occasionally send one of the columns to be printed in a Veterans' quarterly publication. This man was my father-in-law, Elliot Fontenot. Even at age ninety-one, he would often dress up in his Navy uniform and drive to a cemetery where he would participate in the funeral of a veteran, playing "Taps" on the bugle, offering a prayer, and presenting a flag to the family of the deceased. The wall in his home is adorned with certificates, plaques, and trophies honoring him for his service to our veterans. We have a picture from the newspaper of him being congratulated and and thanked for his service by Governor Bobby Jindal. To merely say that he was a great man and will be greatly missed would be a vast understatement. Not only was he a great dad to Angie and her brother and sister, he was an awesome grandfather (Pawpaw) to his grandchildren. When my kids or any of their cousins hear words from the "Twenty-third Psalms," their minds automatically go back to their childhood days when he taught each of them to quote the entire chapter. He was a man's man, yet he had the ability to be tough and tender at the same time. All three of of his kids and all of his grandchildren have an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ, and that legacy is one he wouldn't have traded for all the world. I would be remiss if I didn't mention his relationship with his four brothers, three of whom were also veterans. (There was one other brother, also a veteran, who died soon after World War II, and the one who is not a veteran wanted to join the military, but their mother refused to allow it.) They all look alike, and I have fond memories of sitting on the back patio listening to them talk of old times, although I may not have understood all they said because they kept shifting back and forth between English and Cajun French. (He didn't learn English until he started school.) Cajun French was his first language, and much of his preaching was to elderly people who were not proficient in English. He was also a poet, and he wrote a poem about each of his kids and each of his grandchildren. On Christmas Eve, 2001, he lost the love of his life when his wife of more than fifty years went to be with The Lord. He recently wrote a poem about her and how he's getting ready to join her again. Just three weeks ago when my daughter, Valerie, had gone to visit him, he sang the words to that poem, and she captured it on video. What a treasure!! Today, he and "his love" are in each other's arms again...a joyful reunion! Yes, today we are grieving, but our tears are not for him, they are for ourselves, because he has finally reached that goal he has strived so long to attain. I believe if he had the chance to come back, he would say, "No, please don't ask me to return. Why don't you come join me where I am!" What a life! What a legacy! What a man! What a vacancy he has left! What a great day it will be when we see him again!! Until then..... Preston